Outgoing mail
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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/evanthomp
📅︎ Jan 24 2020
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My girlfriend found out today she was using the less common spelling for describing an outgoing person, but insisted she would keep using it anyways.

I told her it was nothing but an extra version.

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/raajatg
📅︎ Mar 20 2016
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My co-worker told me where to take the outgoing UPS packages.

So I asked him what to do with the introverted ones.

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/zomnbio
📅︎ Oct 31 2014
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A new postman

A new postman on a route sees that in outgoing mail are several letters he delivered a day before. He thinks it's odd and redelivers them to the right mail boxes. Next day he sees the same letters again and he gets curious and sees that they all were addressed to same street. He redelivers them again to the right mailboxes. Same thing happens on the third day, so he thinks hard and formulates a hypothesis. He wants to confirm it, so he decides to stop his route delivery and wait there rest of the day.

Around 7 pm, he sees 4 men come to the mailbox, take their letters and put them back into the outgoing bin. The postman runs over to them and asks "hey, you guys use Reddit?" - they say "yeah, how did you know?", The postman says "all that reposting is pissing me off guys"

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/YogiAtheist
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
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My dad can string this joke out forever. I've seen it go for 20 minutes.

A man gets a new job at the zoo.

On his first day, he still doesn't really understand what exactly he's meant to do, just that it involves the Gorillas. He goes and checks in and the manager sits him down to explain.

"Now look," says the manager, "We've been having some troubles lately with our gorilla. He was acting up, getting really agitated with the environment, so we had to send him away. We told the people that enclosure's being repaired, but we're actually looking for a new gorilla - can you do it for us?"

The man is unsure, but he needs the money, so he agrees, puts on a gorilla suit and goes out there. At first he's a bit mopey, so he sits around a lot.

After a couple of days he begins to warp up and eats a couple of bananas and wanders around a little.

Over the course of the next few weeks he becomes progressively more outgoing, moving around, playing in the jungle gym, hollering around and beating his chest. He's a big hit and everything's going really well for him, until one day he's on his monkey bars and getting really into it, but he slips and flies through the air, over the pit, clears the fence and lands in a pile of bushes in the next enclosure.

He is just beginning to pick himself up, when out of the corner of his eye, he sees something in the foliage.

A pair of eyes lock with his.

It moves closer.

He knows this is it.

He begins to pray.

Suddenly the creature leaps and tackles him - the biggest, ugliest lion he's ever seen!

It leans in close.

He can see every gleaming tooth in it's mouth

He can smell the lion's breath

It opens it's mouth

And from inside the lion he hears a whisper.

"Make this good or we'll both lose our jobs."

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/Toggle2
📅︎ Aug 10 2013
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Voicemail dad joke

My grandpa (RIP)'s outgoing voicemail message used to give their phone # instead of their name. "Hi, you've reached 555-1234, leave your message at the beep."

Obviously, my dad always replied with "Hello, this is 555-6789, give us a call back when you can." Every time.

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/feminaprovita
📅︎ Dec 05 2013
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Doing healthcare IT support this morning...

An end-user learning a new system wanting to initiate an outgoing letter to a patient: "How do I start a letter?"

Me: "Usually with 'Dear Sir or Madam...'"

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ðŸ‘Ī︎ u/Klopfenpop
📅︎ Jul 31 2014
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