Me: Cats. Cats love fish.
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
Surgeon: Yeah sure. Knock yourself out.
He's finding it hard to deal with.
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
Sorry, wrong sub
"Yeah, I guess I could be a repost," said the other new joke.
The second hand shop
Because hips don't lie.
I guess she's not easily purse-sueded.
Damn inflation.
Now he's computer-eyes'd
Home is where the heart is.
Now he Mississippi
Chi-knees
This was the last straw that broke the CamelBak.
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
Tell my WiFi love her.
Because he started to miss his claws.
“My left knee, my right knee, and my wee-nie”
A subwoofer
Once upon a time Quasimodo was growing old and wanted to retire. Before he could, he had to hire someone new to ring the bells of the Church of Notre Dame in his place. He placed an ad in the newspaper but only one man showed up for the interview. This man happened to have no arms. The man begged Quasimodo to give him a chance, and that despite his appearance he could indeed perform the duties of the job. Quasimodo eventually caved and gave him a chance. The next day at 1:00 sharp they met in the bell tower. The man with no arms takes a wide stance near the edge of the room and charges directly towards the bell at a dead sprint. He smacks the bell squarely with his head and it produces a wonderful sonorous ring. Pleased with the results, Quasimodo tells him that if he can continue to ring the bell for the rest of the day he has the job. 2:00 passes and the man with no arms headbuts the bell twice, at 3:00 three times, and on and on until at 12:00 he produces only 11 rings before he was so disoriented and concussed that he charges right past the bell, over the railing, and falls to his death. The next day when the police investigate the mysterious death of an unknown man with no arms Quasimodo was asked if he knew anything about the dead man. He told them " I don't know his name, but his face sure rings a bell"
Window Guy: "Once we get a delivery date from the factory, we'll call you to set up an install time. We like to shoot for 4-5 days after delivery. "
My Response: "So you'll call and give me a window?"
So my daughter was playing tennis last week when she got hit by an errant ball knocking her glasses off. When her glasses hit the ground both lenses popped out. She brought them home and we fixed them.
Next day she said one of the lenses wasn't seated right. No problem. I told her to pop the lenses out and reseat them.
Her response, "I don't know how to get the lenses out."
My comment, "Hit them with a tennis ball. That seems to work well."
Silence. . . Well, just me chuckling to myself, but otherwise silence. . .
Me: Then you'll have a faux-knee (phony).
"We're number 1 in the number 2 business!"
“A cat” I said. “Cats love fish.
He’s finding it hard to deal with.
The Second Hand Shop
