It was a bad idea to ask the chicken farmer to referee basketball games

He kept calling fowls

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📅︎ Mar 30 2021
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The referee was unbiased ...

but had a very large variance ...

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👤︎ u/afarro
📅︎ Dec 11 2020
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Why did the referee blow a whistle on a chicken?

Because it was a fowl

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📅︎ Jul 23 2020
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What did the illiterate guy say when he saw a religious referee on a morning jog?

A Ref runned!

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📅︎ Jan 06 2020
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In women's football, if the referee has shown a red card, it means he has
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📅︎ Mar 30 2019
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When the finish line referee pulled out a second stopwatch, I left the race.

No way I trust that two timer.

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📅︎ Mar 27 2018
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Last night LeBron James purposely farted on a referee...

He was given a fragrant foul.

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👤︎ u/Hexyl68
📅︎ Feb 02 2017
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A soccer referee told me this one during my game an hour ago

(A bit of context first, but you can skip this paragraph if you want). An hour or so ago, I was playing a div 1 co-ed soccer game. Since our captain wasn't there, I was the one talking to the ref, signing the game sheet, providing the game ball, and all that. At some point during the game, one of our guys shot the ball and it rebounded off, giving us a corner. However, none of our guys were going to get the ball as if they thought it was the other team's ball. I yelled at my team "Guys, it's our corner!"

The ref turned to me and laughed, and said "They need to concentrate". I said "No kidding, huh?" He then turned to me with a pre-dadjoke smile and asked me "Why didn't the orange juice pass its exam? ... It couldn't concentrate."

It was in that moment that I knew this grey haired, bearded man was a father of at least one child. He didn't even look back for a reaction, he just turned with his dad smile, knowing full well that the joke has merit enough on its own regardless of a reaction.

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👤︎ u/bearkin1
📅︎ Oct 26 2013
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What do you call a carnivorous referee?

Ameatyeater mediator

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📅︎ Jan 05 2014
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Why do soccer referees never fold in poker?

Because they always call the flop.

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📅︎ Apr 28 2021
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Why do referees in professional rugby always give penalties against chickens?

Because they always award against professional fowls.

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📅︎ Dec 22 2020
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The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.

Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.

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📅︎ Nov 01 2020
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During a soccer game, one of the players hit a bird with the ball

The Referee said it was a Fowl.

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👤︎ u/JazzPhobic
📅︎ May 04 2021
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Having one child makes you a parent...

Having two you are a referee

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📅︎ Nov 23 2020
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I've just had 22 optometrists tell me I need to wear glasses

That's the last time I referee a Specsavers v Vision Express football match!

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📅︎ Mar 06 2020
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My sister has become king of the dad jokes

So we're in the car driving to the airport and my dad's talking about his buddy Terry. Terry was in some small movie and my dad was commenting that he played both the referee in a footy game, and then it cut to a shot of the crowd and THERE WAS TERRY. My dad goes "I mean, he could have at least put a different shirt on to create the illusion he was someone else. How silly of him!"

My sister says "You should be real careful dad, you shouldn't make fun of him. You can die from dissin' Terry"

Cue groans and laughter, and my dad conceding the apprentice has surpassed the master.

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📅︎ Nov 06 2015
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The Dad of my uni's Dodgeball club was on fire this weekend.

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

  1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
  2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
  3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
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📅︎ Nov 25 2014
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Having a child makes you a parent.

Having two, makes you a referee.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Nov 28 2020
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