What did the ref say when the boxers showed up late to the match?

It's a bout time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brzostek
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
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My dad was watching hockey was yelling at the tv because the ref didn't call a penalty for high sticking

I told him to chill and he said "I AM CHILL" so I yelled back "I THOUGHT YOU WERE DAD".. That's right.. I dad joked my dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Braydon-J-Durham
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
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What call did the ref make when the basketball player smelled?

A fragrant foul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HHStorm21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
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Who called them testicles and not donuts.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eighthwhorecrux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...

I'm the main stake holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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My wife told me to push fluids when I got my covid vaccine

I sent her this

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wreckingjew
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Looking Sharp
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KunGDark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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[x-Post HQG] What's Whitney Houston's favorite kind of coordination?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xilluzionx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2017
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I need a pun

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lcg32195
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Why did the cat decide to become a DJ?

He heard there was a lot of scratching involved.

I just texted this to my wife, and she told me to get away from her. xD

I came up with this one as I was looking at my son's mouse pad he got for christmas. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DGXR859/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boomkiller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
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What did the illiterate guy say when he saw a religious referee on a morning jog?

A Ref runned!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schwanz_Hintern64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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What do you call someone who cares for chickens?

A chicken tender.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whitetaild33r
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2016
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Puppy bowl puns

So I’m reffing a local puppy bowl (where a bunch of puppies up for adoption play β€œfootball” with each other). As the ref I need to say funny football puppy puns whole time such as β€œruffing the passer”. Any ideas on good football puppy puns? Thanks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tribebro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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A cliffhanger
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PBandJthyme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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Don't be sad, because sad backwards is das...

And das not good.

All credit for this joke goes to /u/Xiphers's Mom. I tried cross posting it here to give full credit to OP, but this sub only allows text posts. Here's the original post: https://old.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/bxeoqo/my_mom_has_a_board_with_attachable_letters_and/?ref=share&ref_source=link

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RemarkableRyan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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"What are the names of all 10 reindeer mentioned in 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer'?"

"Well, let me see. There's Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen, Rudolf, and ... and... There are only 9 reindeer mentioned in the song."

"Nope. There's 10. You forgot 'Olive'."

"'Olive'? There's not a reindeer named 'Olive'."

"Yes there is. 'β™« Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...β™«'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmyxlplyx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
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A Coffee joke book written by my actual Dad!

Proudly I bring you my Dad’s first joke book! He’s a dad and he compiled all of these hilarious jokes about coffee(possibly the best drink known to man)!

Here’s a few from the book;

-Coffee doesn’t ask me stupid questions... be more like coffee

-Don’t try to please everyone... remember you are NOT Coffee

-My morning coffee gives me the strength to make it to my mid-morning coffee

The Coffee Joke Book

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nichetcher
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
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[Not a Joke] So this is on sale today.

I say its 8/10 groan worthy.

https://shirt.woot.com/offers/joke-a-cola?ref=w_cnt_gw_dly_img

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sybersonic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2018
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The football player argued that it was a horse-collar tackle

The ref said β€œneigh”

(My Dad just told this joke while watching the Ravens game. The other dads in the room laughed.)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nightingale102
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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[Video] Really Bad Dad Jokes - First to Laugh Loses

A church made this video I found on facebook, thought you guys would enjoy it.

https://www.facebook.com/VictoryChurchOK/videos/1456063911098388/?hc_ref=ARSw0TvM55QPqGuSYWHEEPcqOI1OpCl8wpp22FLeuoI64pKGyPlu2NLSrbvqmbxs-EQ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerMcGrath
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2017
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The school I teach at had a volleyball game tonight...

I told the students that just because it is Halloween it does not give them the right to "boo" the refs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/unstappable388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
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Dad, is than an octopus?

SO and I were walking in Port Angeles, WA near the octopus statue made out of small rocks and pebbles... and we overheard this conversation between a kid and his dad:

> Dad, is that an octopus?

> No, son, that's a rock-topus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockSniffer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
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Roommate got me in the bathroom

Bought this Santa toilet seat cover for the downstairs bathroom

Asked roommate if he liked it

Roommate: "It's nice, but is it a Santatary?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LarryLovehandles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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A soccer referee told me this one during my game an hour ago

(A bit of context first, but you can skip this paragraph if you want). An hour or so ago, I was playing a div 1 co-ed soccer game. Since our captain wasn't there, I was the one talking to the ref, signing the game sheet, providing the game ball, and all that. At some point during the game, one of our guys shot the ball and it rebounded off, giving us a corner. However, none of our guys were going to get the ball as if they thought it was the other team's ball. I yelled at my team "Guys, it's our corner!"

The ref turned to me and laughed, and said "They need to concentrate". I said "No kidding, huh?" He then turned to me with a pre-dadjoke smile and asked me "Why didn't the orange juice pass its exam? ... It couldn't concentrate."

It was in that moment that I knew this grey haired, bearded man was a father of at least one child. He didn't even look back for a reaction, he just turned with his dad smile, knowing full well that the joke has merit enough on its own regardless of a reaction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearkin1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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give a helping hand

I have very recently started training with a Men's Roller Derby team. A lot of the guys are refs in the local Women's Roller Derby league and this evening I was helping them get the track ready for the weekend.

Three of us were busy duct-taping a rope around the edge of the track when some guy came up to me and said "It look's like they've roped you in."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollarRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2015
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Sports Dad Joke

I was playing a stupid little game with around a dozen kids on each team. One kid on my team tripped a kid on their team, and started yelling "Foul!" So I replied

"Ref, that team is using foul language!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coffeechipmunk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2015
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The Dad of my uni's Dodgeball club was on fire this weekend.

To clarify, he (we shall call him Greg) is not really a dad but with all the jokes he makes, he'd be a brilliant one. Here are a few that I can remember him making:

  1. Our uni's team was set to play Surrey's team, but there were no where to be seen. One of the referees came up to me and George and said, "Surrey haven't shown up yet and the game's meant to start soon. Any idea where they are?" Greg replied with, "No, Surrey, haven't seen them." The ref and me both shook our heads laughing.
  2. At the team meal Sunday night, a mushroom was thrown at another teammate. He said, "Look at you, tryna be a fungi!" Greg followed on with, "I didn't think there was mushroom for that joke."
  3. During the walk home, Greg walked on ahead while 3 of us dawdled. When we caught up with him, he pointed at a wheelie bin and asked, "Where have you guys bin?" then pointed at the wheels and asked, "No, wheelie, where have you bin?" He had countless others but these 3 are the ones that stuck out.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GavinRidley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2014
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Stranger dadjoked me last night in McDonalds and made my night

I was riding my bike home at night after work and I stopped at McD's to grab a burger. I was wearing my headlamp and an old man that was in the lobby asked me "Does that ever make you feel light-headed?" I groaned and congratulated him on being a grand dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datasinc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2015
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My dad dropped this one while watching the Ball St. University football team playing.

"Man, I bet when the refs make a bad call their fans get reeeeeal testy!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bromosapien234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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