someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate,

right where it hertz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychoCow1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"

The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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What does an illustrator do when they want to feel relaxed and refreshed.

Draw themselves a bath

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πŸ‘€︎ u/greatreference
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Refreshing
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shrum92
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
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I always love pressing F5 on my keyboard.

It's so refreshing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/64Modder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Quite refreshing!
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlavigne
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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Whats the most refreshing key?

F5.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Velocibunny
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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The Letdown

A high schooler wants to ask his best female friend to prom. Because they’ve been friends for so long, he really wants to make his β€œpromposal” special. He talks to his friends, he talks to her friends, and spends days planning the perfect moment. Happily, she says yes!

Over the next couple of months, she sends him different styles and colors of ideas for her dress. He tells honestly that she’s always been beautiful to him, and privately to himself, he is now realizing he has strong feelings for her. He knows he needs to tell her.

The night of the prom, he’s extremely anxious. What if he says something stupid? What if she laughs at him or doesn’t return his feelings? What if she thinks he’s a terrible dancer? All of these thoughts are swirling around in his mind as both their parents fuss over them and make them pose for a million photos.

They get to the prom and he’s even more anxious. It’s dark, it’s loud, it’s crowded. They have to shout to be heard. But she grabs his hand, leads him to the dance floor, and they forget everything and everyone around them. A while later, as the songs have gotten slower, he can feel his heart pounding. He thinks it’s finally the right time. He leans down and whispers the truth in her ear, the truth about having loved her since they met in second grade. She starts to cry happy tears, saying she’s always loved him too, and they kiss. As the song ends and changes to something fast again, he asks her if she’d like to sit and have a drink. She says yes, could he please get her some punch?

He feels like he’s walking on clouds as he goes over to where the drinks and food are laid out. He wants to get back to her right away and hopes he doesn’t have to wait too long at the refreshments table.

He makes his way through the crowd, and is able to get their drinks and return to his waiting love within just a couple of minutes. Because, would you believe it?

There was no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrsBunnyPants26
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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I think I am addicted to the F1 key.

I need help.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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Don't know why everyone is afraid of an F5 tornado...

It’s just a refreshing breeze!

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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I have always liked to browse the internet

It's so refreshing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slim_130
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Got Refreshments at the Front Desk of the Hotel

Front Desk Guy: "Would you like to bill that to your room?"

Me: "Yes please"

FDG: "What room are you in?"

Me: "I'm in the lobby."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/geoffbutler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2014
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Have you seen the movie constipated?

It hasn't come out yet

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jkwon6227
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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My OCD stricken friend blows off stress by repeatedly hitting F5.

He says he finds it refreshing.

I told him he needs help, now he keeps hitting F1.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
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The punchline

A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a long time but he gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually gets the limo. He goes to buy her flowers and the line at the florist is really long, but he eventually gets them. At prom, his girlfriend asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there is no punchline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigger00006
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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It’s easy to deter the ladies from eating tide pods but...

it’s more difficult to deter...gents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luciferintite
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlueDoodles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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My mom got us all last night

My family ate out in celebration of my sister graduating. On the way out, my mom grabbed a mint and tried to open it, but the package ripped and it went flying. She looked at the ground, sighed, and said, "well, I guess it wasn't mint to be."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2015
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I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.

That was refreshing to sea.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iam_aGoldenGod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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You can’t kill your computer monitor

...you can only hertz It.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crash8308
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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So a teen asks his crush to the prom, which she agrees to

On the day of the prom, he goes to pick up his suit. However, once he gets there, there’s a line, so he waits....and waits...and waits...

After he gets his suit, he goes to get her corsage. When he gets to the flower shop, however, there’s an even bigger line, so he waits...and he waits...and he waits...

Once he had the corsages, he made his way to her house, but the roads were packed so he had to wait in line for the turnoff. So he waited...and waited.

Finally, he reaches her house, picks her up, and drives her to prom. But there’s a line to get into the school, so they wait... and wait...

At last, they are in the prom and dancing away. After a while, they get thirsty. So they head for the refreshment table and.....

There’s no punch line

πŸ‘︎ 360
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strikercharge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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Incredibly, every time when you read this joke, the punchline will always be different.

different.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/flumanchu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2018
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I saw a hipster drinking ice water...

He said he liked it before it was cool. I gave him some well water and he liked it because it was so underground.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patoms2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2013
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When i was 17 i brought my future wife to Prom..

Went to get tickets from the office, waited in line for a while but got sorted.

Had to rent a limo, another line in their office but got one pretty quick.

Remembered I needed flowers, ran to the local florist, this time there was a massive line but they looked after me.

Eventually we got to Prom. Future Wife asks me to get her some punch.

I go to the refreshments table

Theres no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gnrlp2007
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
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"f5" shall be the name of my new soda drink

it just sounds so refreshing

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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So this is a pretty long joke...

So there were these two high schoolers, both madly in love. they were like the most well known couple around the school. so a couple months go by after they've began dating and they both see a flier in the hallway. it talks about the up coming school dance which is taking place next week. so naturally, the guy asks the girl to come with him. she says yes and the planing begins. he gets home that night and surfs the entire web for a relatively cheap limo company with still have decent amenities. after ordering that, he heads off to the local tailor and gets a suit made for in his girlfriends favourite colour, blue. then the week passes and he preparing to go and pick her up, so he picks up the flowers he bought her earlier that day and heads out to the now parked limo. he gets in and orders the driver to her house. he gets there and gives her the flowers. they go out for dinner at a very fancy place, him paying for everything. they both finally get to the school hall and head in to see all their friends. they have a wonderful night, dancing, having photos taken, they both really just enjoyed themselves. they even got elected prom king and queen! so the night is coming to an end and they both decide to sit down and have a rest. the girls feeling a bit thirsty so the guy heads over to the refreshments table to get her a drink. it's pretty quite there as in this joke, there isnt a punchline. ( Ν‘Β° ΝœΚ– Ν‘Β°)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyTyrant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
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The Higg's Boson said that it didn't like your art...

But don't take it too harshly, it's just critical mass.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2011
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Heard an on-the-spot dadjoke from my former band director today.

Some guy: "It's raining cats and dogs!"

Another guy: "Yeah, it might even rain a bear!"

Band director: "Then it'd be bearly raining!"

It was nice to hear a dadjoke in the wild like that.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xorcon1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2017
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Teal really is the best color.

It's cyan-tiffically proven.

I think I red that somewhere.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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Two men walk into a bar.

Two men walk into a bar, and the bartender asks "What'll you have?"

The first man says "I'll have some H2O!"

The bartender pours the man a glass, and the first man gets refreshed.

The second man says "I'll have some H2O too!"

The bartender pours the man a glass, and the second man dies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2015
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A list of them
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dictator_Piggles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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I went into a website and a Pepsi ad appeared. The page reloaded.

It was refreshing.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellohir
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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I made a smoothie out of F5 keys

It was really refreshing

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clbull
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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There are three classes of cheerios

There are three classes of cheerios, the lower class (plain ol' cheerios), the middle class cheerios (frosted), and the elite class (honey nut). One soggy morning in Seattle, a plain cheerio awoke in his single room apartment. He looked out at the still sleepy city, blanketed in a mist of rain. He quickly got dressed and put his shoes on, this would be the day. He stood propped against the bus stop, smoking a cigarette. "God I have got to stop this habit." He thought to himself. Glancing back and forth at the bustle of cheerios, he saw her. She looked about 25, devastatingly gorgeous, and he could smell the honey from where he stood. "Excuse me ma'am," his voice quivered, "I - I think you might be the most beautiful cheerio I have ever seen." She smiled and her otherwise golden brown face grew red. " This is a long shot, but will you marry me?' She was obviously caught off guard by this, but her red lips formed the word, "Yes." They raced through the morning mist of the city, and arrived at her fathers house. The cheerio bent down in front of her father. "Sir, I would like to ask for your blessing in marrying your daughter" "No! You are a regular cheerio and my daughter needs a high quality honey nut" he snapped. "But sir." "No means no damnit!" "Sir this is very unrea-" "You come back a honey nut and you'll have my blessing, my daughter is not about to marry a low life like you." The cheerio sprinted home, tears streaming down his face. He fumbled against the lock and sprawled out on his bed. When he awoke it was early, his sheets had a dark silhouette from his wet jacket. He sat up and lit a cigarette. "Damn." he sighed to himself. Walking in front of his mirror, he noticed something different. His body was frosted! He had become a frosted cheerio! He darted out the door without shoes, reaching the honey nut household in no time at all. He banged on the door, and the beauty's father answered. "Sir I am a changed cheerio! I'm frosted!" he exclaimed. Her father had a stern look on his face. "You think you are any better? The dirt on my boots are worth more than you." he hissed. The old honey nut slammed the door on the young frosted. He heard the deadbolt click. The newly frosted cheerio didn't take the same way home. He stood on the edge of a bridge, feeling the cool autumn wind on his sugar coated skin. Was he really going to go through with this? Was it worth it? No he was a frosted cheerio now. He couldn't get the girl, but he was a changed cheerio. He

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/R1pply
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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Coffee

I was on the plane and the man came round with the refreshment tray and asks "you for coffee?" So i replied, "you fuck offy i was here first"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lieghannsheriden
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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Dad joked on family movie night

this was years ago, I had forgotten until it came up in conversation today. when Finding Nemo came out on DVD most of us hadn't seen it, and my oldest sister was home from her first year in college. my mom gets all excited to have a Disney movie night for old time's sake and makes a big deal about it.

so we all get settled with popcorn and all, and the movie begins. if you haven't seen it, the first scene is a bit tragic... to refresh people's memory, a barracuda attacks the soon-to-be parents and eats the mom and unhatched eggs. this is probably less than 5 minutes into the movie.

it's dead quiet in the house as Marlin swims around yelling for his mate and looking in the now empty spot where their eggs were hidden. He sees the lone surviving egg on the ocean floor and swims to it. honoring his deceased mate's wishes, he names his only child "Nemo"

instantly my dad stands up, turns off the TV and says "Ha! I found him! that was fun." and walks away.

tl;dr: my dad beat the whole family in a game of "Finding Nemo"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjswitz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
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Bags at home

At gas station with dad getting refreshments.

Clerk: "Would you like a bag?"

Dad: "No thanks she stayed at home, but i think she's all right"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashkanar
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
🚨︎ report
There's something about pressing F5... (xpost from r/Jokes)

That's just so refreshing

Credit

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisbetom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2011
🚨︎ report
On queues and quenchers.

Dinner time at my parents, for which my mother has prepared a bowl of cool, refreshing punch.

"You better hurry up if you want a glass, otherwise you'll have to wait for the punchline".

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HGlpIyHk9LiGP
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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My Dear Old Man

My dad asked me to fix him a refreshing drink, I said okay but then without missing a beat, he added:

"Not so sweet...
... cause I'm already too sweet!"

My dad is diabetic.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaatikah
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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I love pressing the F5 key.

It's very refreshing.

πŸ‘︎ 260
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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I love the F5 key.

Its just so refreshing!

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Croxsy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2018
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The ultimate joke

A guy takes his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. the rental line is really long, but eventually he does it. He goes to buy her flowers, the line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
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A young man is going to prom with his date...

A young man is going to prom with his date. He waits a long time in line for tickets, but he gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is very long, but he gets the limo. He goes to the florist to buy flowers, and he waits in line for an hour, but he gets the flowers. Finally, at prom, his date asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table, and there's no punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamez1469
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report

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