A Kung Fu student asks his teacher, "Master, why does my ability not improve? I'm always defeated." And the master, pensive and forever patient, answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen the gulls flying by the setting sun and their wings seeming like flames?"

"Yes, my master, I have."

"And a waterfall, spilling mightly over the stones without taking anything out of its proper place?"

"Yes, my master, I have witnessed it."

"And the moon, when it touches the calm water to reflect all its enormous beauty?"

"Yes, my master, I have also seen this marvelous phenomenon."

"That is the problem. You keep watching all this shit instead of training."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 12k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 10 2021
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My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.

Because they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kdlaz
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 18 2021
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So apparently when you die, the last part of your body that stops working is your pupils..

Itโ€™s because they di-late

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 85
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/red_beard2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 04 2021
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If another word for student is 'pupil' ...

Do you call someone who's learning to manage sex workers a 'pimple'?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SwimmingSharkBiscuit
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 14 2020
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How many pupils does a teacher have?

2

What did you expect?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Anonymous8776
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 10 2020
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Good pupils always dot their eyes.
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/churniglow
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 29 2020
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You'll be buried with small pupils if you pass away before dusk.

But not if you die late.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 93
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/gold_hatted_lover
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 06 2019
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I just found out that your pupil is a hole

Now I have a hole nother problem to worry about.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Grindingslimes
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 07 2019
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Them crazy pupils!

A cross eyed teacher lost her job.

She could not control her pupils

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/capngloval
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 16 2019
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I was teaching in the classroom when I suddenly started touching one of my pupils.

The itching in my eye was really out of control.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 02 2019
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The eyes of a seal pup are pure black because they don't go to school. Instead they spend their time clubbing, so...no pupils. (x post /r/ShittyAnimalFacts)
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/live4lifelegit
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 08 2018
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My optometrist had my pupils dilated today

It was an eye-opening experience.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 55
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/king_england
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 28 2016
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What organ in your body enlarges four times when you are excited?

Your pupils

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Docfess
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 16 2021
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When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.

It's because they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Zaachh_Ded
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 22 2021
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Did you hear about the teacher with two lazy eyes?

Didn't last more then a day, couldn't control his pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cyrus9898
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 15 2021
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Did I tell you guys about the cross-eyed teacher?

She couldnโ€™t control her pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 33
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cerebolic-parabellum
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 10 2021
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We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/communist_scumbag
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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Visionaries
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/seawavegown
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 18 2019
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I went to a strip club for blind people

The girls there were dancing like nobody was watching

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/imalilfatgirl
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 25 2019
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 07 2020
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Why are eye jokes worse than other jokes?

They're cornea.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheOtherQue
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 13 2017
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What do you call someone who dedicates their life to the study of the eye?

A pupil!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Sir_Pluses
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 16 2020
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My sonโ€™s kindergarten teacher was arrested for heroin possession...

In hindsight, the small pupils were a dead giveaway...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 60
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 27 2019
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What did the blind teacher say the bad student?

"Great, now I have 3 useless pupils.โ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 38
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Rslashhuman
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 05 2019
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Why are pupils the last part of your body to die?

Because they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 31
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Low_Acanthisitta6716
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 21 2021
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My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....

Because they dilate...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 67
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SnooRobots3440
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 18 2021
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Can a cross eyed teacher control his pupils?
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/SMsyrris
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 23 2019
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Why did the cross eyed teacher get fired?

He couldn't control his pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 90
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/waldo06
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 24 2021
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What part of your body, dies last?

Your pupils, as they dielate

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 66
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Dirty-Slippers
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 08 2021
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When you die, what part of the body dies last?

The pupils....they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 85
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VERBERD
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 10 2021
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The cross eyed school teacher was fired.

She couldnโ€™t control her pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/banditk77
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 18 2021
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Which body part dies last ?

The eyes, because they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 03 2020
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A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didnโ€™t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HornyBastard37484739
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 26 2020
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Which part of our body lives the longest?

Pupils...they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 27
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/anvesh_parab
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 10 2020
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Why was the teacher crossed eyed?

Because they couldn't control their pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BlankPhotos
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 25 2020
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When you die, which part of your body is the last to die?

Pupils. They dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 301
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Nikoklis
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 11 2020
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After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils because they dilate...

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 34
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donโ€™t think itโ€™s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

Thereโ€™s a new type of broom out, itโ€™s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels canโ€™t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itโ€™s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldnโ€™t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 77
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Josvys
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 03 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
When you die which body part dies the last?

Your pupils, they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 83
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Oct 27 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
When you die, which part of the body is the last one to stop working?

The pupils. They dilate

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 216
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HappyLlamaJamma
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 20 2019
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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?

He couldn't control his pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Mojo884ever
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 19 2020
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Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher

He couldn't control his pupils

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shdchko
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 18 2020
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My dad said this after an eye appointment...

"I should be a teacher."

"Why?"

"Because my pupils are doing great!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ComputerGeek1100
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 21 2016
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Why did teacher with crossed eyes get fired?

Because he couldn't control his pupils

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/379447984
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 08 2020
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report
After you die, what part of the human body is the last to stop working?

Your pupils; they dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 101
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/succdicc69
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 13 2019
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After you die, whatโ€™s the last part of your body that stops working?

Your Pupils. They dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 179
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TearDesire
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 21 2019
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The crosseyed history teacher

Could not control her pupils.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/timned88
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jan 29 2020
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What did the cross-eyed teacher say to the Dean?

I canโ€™t control my pupils!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/FisforBigOof
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 06 2019
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After you die, what part of your body is the last to stop functioning?

Your pupils. They dilate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 62
๐Ÿ’ฌ๏ธŽ
๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shibathefox
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 16 2019
๐Ÿšจ๏ธŽ report

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