Wife: Dad, stop using the name Peter in the place of Penis. One day the kids will meet a kid named Peter.
Me (husband): I agree. This should be kept private.
Wife: groan...
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 01 2021
Why Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Prince Phillip is standing next to DMX in line for St. Peter, he's says "50?"
DMX respond "naw dawg that's a different rapper"
π︎ 31
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
Because he can never, never land
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
Peter Cussing.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
Jesus told Peter, "Come forth and ye shall have eternal life"
But Peter came fifth and won a toaster
π︎ 93
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
Peter Brown the world famous hairdresser told his son, that he's leaving him nothing in his will....
I can't believe he's cutting off his own heir.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
Peter Parker.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 23 2020
What did Peter Andre say to the waitress at Oktoberfest?
Just give me some kind of stein girl.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 06 2021
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Why does Peter Pan always fly?
Because he can neverland.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 29 2020
If Spiderman's secret identity is Peter Parker, what's his dog's secret identity?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
My friend Peter keeps saying the same things over again.
So I nicknamed him Re-Peter.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"
"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
I never knew that Peter Sellers was a tank driver for Germany during WW2.
Apparently, it was a pink panzer.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
Zuul asks Peter Venkman if he wants to wreck up a city and toast marshmallows in the flames.
Venkman says, "Nah, I'm not a big marshmallow guy."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
Despite being famous for flying, why did Peter Pan make for a terrible pilot?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
How did Captain Hook fight Peter Pan & the lost boys?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
Peter Dinklage turned 51 today.
It's been fun watching Dinkl age.
π︎ 54
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
Every week, at a comedy club I tell a joke about Peter Pan and nobody laughs.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2020
Peter Pan Puns
I came up with two today, be warned they are punishing.
Why are the Lost Boys so poor?
It's because they can Never Land a job.
How did Peter Pan get so fat?
He keeps eating out at Wendy's.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 03 2020
Peter Pan
π︎ 40
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
Talking about Peter Pan when my 14 y/o daughter says, "Captain Hook is single-handedly my favorite Disney villain."
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Aug 09 2018
Why is Peter Pan Always Flying ?
π︎ 80
π
︎ Aug 24 2019
Why couldn't Peter Pan ever be a comedian?
Because his jokes Neverland :D
π︎ 91
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 17 2020
Iβm always robbing Peter to pay Paul.
That makes me a re-Pete offender
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 08 2020
My cousin Elle got married to Menno Peters; so now I call them the alphabet couple...
...
Elle & Menno P.
...
If they ever have kids, I'm lobbying hard for Jake and Kay.
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 21 2020
Peter being an asshole
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 07 2019
I tried to sell my old Peter Sellers DVDs the other day but failed to get the price I was asking
It was not a Sellers market
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
At the pearly gates, Saint Peter asks new arrivals what they did for a living...
The first person says βI was a doctor, I saved lives.β St. Peter lets him in.
The second person says βI was a teacher, I educated and inspired hundreds of childrenβ. St Peter lets him in.
The third says βI was a musician, I brought joy and beautiful music to many people.β
St. Peter says βok, but youβll have to go around back and come in through the kitchen.β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
I heard Peter Dinklage got his pocket picked last week.
I mean, who would stoop so low?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Mar 03 2018
What did the gunpowder say to his friend peter?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 29 2020
I bumped into my very short mate Peter down the pub. He told a few hilarious stories about the flatbread factory he works in.
I love the pitta patter of tiny Pete
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
Why is Peter pan always flying?
π︎ 13
π
︎ May 15 2020
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
Iβm always robbing Peter to pay Paul.
I guess that makes me a re-Pete offender.
Sorry if youβre a-Pauled.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
Why is peter pan always flying?
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 29 2019
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 26 2019
Why is Peter Pan always flying?
π︎ 85
π
︎ Jul 17 2019
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