Pitt Puns

Arm

BRAD: I'll produce.

GEORGE: I'll direct.

MATTHEW: I'll write, I'll write, I'll write.

Mosh Pitt.

Girlfriend: Did you see that photograph of Brad Pitt's brother?

Me: No I didn't, is his first name Arm?

Cue her laughing at my lameness. Let's hope my ability at dad jokes convince her I'll be a good father to her children someday.

"Oh my gosh! I'm such a huge fan!"

"Because I often say don't forget about Brad Pitt."

Onya Marx, who invented the starting pistol.

A young boy went up to his father and asked him, 'Dad, what is the difference between potentially and realistically?' The father thought for a moment, then answered, 'Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a Million dollars, and then ask your brother if he'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Come back and tell me what you learn from that.' So the boy went to his mother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The mother replied, 'Of course I would! We could really use that money to fix up the house and send you kids to a great University!' The boy then went to his sister and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' The girl replied, 'Oh my Gawd! I LOVE Brad Pitt - I would sleep with him in a heartbeat, are you nuts?' The boy then went to his brother and asked, 'Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars?' 'Of course,' the brother replied. 'Do you know what a million Bucks would buy?' The boy pondered the answers for a few days and then went back to his dad. His father asked him, 'Did you find out the difference between 'potentially' and 'realistically'?' The boy replied, 'Yes, 'Potentially', you and I are sitting on Three million dollars . But 'realistically', we're just living with two hookers and a queer.

Chris Pine - Pine scented

Cocoa Chanel - Hot cocoa scented

Beth Crow-ley - Rain, nighttime, and city streets scented

Tom Holly-and - Holly berry scented

JK Row-ling - Lakes and campfire scented

Miley Cypress - Cypress scented

Bob Moss - Forest and moss scented

Juniper Aniston - Juniper scented

Katy Berry - Mixed berry scented

Britney Spearmint - Spearmint scented

Bread Pitt - Bread scented

Tom Cruise - Ocean, salty, alcohol scented

Aurora - Nighttime, wind, whimsical scented

Nicole Kidman - baby powder scented

Justin Beaver - Wood, nature scented

Elvis Parsley - Parsley scented

Steve Cobs - Corn on the cob scented

Banana Montana - Banana scented

Orange Winfrey - Orange scented

Chris Bat - Nighttime, caves, and bats scented

Zoey Salad-ana - Salad, lettuce, leafy greens, tomato, cheese scented

Dwayne the Rock - Mountains, earthy, fresh, crisp, wind scented Jennifer Joe-pez - Nice hot cup o’ joe scented

Chicken Corbin Blue - Chicken and cheese and ham scented

Robert Brownie Jr. - Brownie scented

Sardine-a Gomez - Sardine scented

Daniel Rad-Clif - Clif bar blueberry flavor scented

Leonardo Di-Carp-rio - Fish scented

Halle Berry - Mixed scented

Demi Tomato - Tomato scented

Kevin Bacon - Bacon scented

Mandy S’more - S’mores scented

Mackerel-more - Fish scented

Broccoli Obama - Broccoli scented

WILL.I.SPAM. - Spam scented

Mark Buffalo Wings - Buffalo wing scented

John Lemon - Lemon scented

Shakiramisu - Tiramisu scented

Egg Sheeran - Eggs scented

Benedict Cucumber Patch - Cucumber scented

Adille - Dill scented

Kevin Spicy - Taco scented

Channing Potatum - Potato scented

Melon DeGeneres - Melon scented

Danny Burrito - Burrito scented

Michaelanjello - Red jello scented

Harry Panini - Panini scented

Snoop Hot Dog - Hot dog scented

Paris Hilton - Paris, city of love, generic love perfume scented

Morgan Whipped Cream-in - Whipped cream scented

Mike Fryson - French fry scented

Henry David Thoreaut Lozenge - Cough drop scented

Raisin Williams - Raisin scented

Robert Frosty - Vanilla ice cream scented

Jeff Onion-blum - Onion ring scented

Tom Skittle-ston - Skittles scented

Ralph Waldo M&Mson - Chocolate scented

Malt Whitman - Malt scented

(Friend and I came up with these on the ride down to Boston for a concert, after the “I wonder what Chris Pine smells like?” joke was brought up again from a previous time hanging out. I’m particularly proud of Bob Moss and Zoey Salad-ana.)

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie own a vineyard called Mirival that makes a really good rosé.

Wife: do you think they'll stop making Mirival?

Me: Even if they don't, we better stock up on it now. That wine is about to be terrible.

Wife: ...why?

Me: Because of sour grapes.