What's the difference between a peeping tom and somebody getting out of a bath?

One is rude and nosy, the other is nude and rosy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockyCrayon6625
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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Why are peeping Toms are having a difficult time with the pandemic?

Because it’s very hard for them to lurk from home.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiminyKirket
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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Why couldn’t the peeping tom climb mountains?

Because he always peaked.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rabid_Badger_83
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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What’s the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping tom?

The pickpocket snatches your watch. The peeping tom does the opposite.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
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What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

The dirtiest clean joke I know...

What's the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom?

A pick pocket snatches watches.

Credit to Redd Foxx

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit4nag
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
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People ask why peeping toms usually commit their crimes between 8 and 10...

That’s the peak time

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iam4real
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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A peeping tome.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Seasickdwarf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2016
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Peeping Tom (X-post from r/cats)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smarmanda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2014
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There's Negative Nancy... Debbie Downer... Chatty Cathy... but where did Peeping Tom come from?

In the bushes, outside the window.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybaby
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2017
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Chicken tenders
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πŸ‘€︎ u/falcon2op
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

Edit: Thank you for the awards.

I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrikkWikkid5150
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
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I was trying to pick up this chick and she just ran away and kept saying: "peep, peep!"

I think it was a she. Fast little bugger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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All these peeps rushing out to buy TP...

... such crap

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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See what they did there
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NicholasP993
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
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Need help coming up with a good Halloween pun...

Group of peeps I hang out with are making good Halloween puns involving their user. I need one that can make use of either Vince, Vincevaleker, e11, or Valeker. Any ideas?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VinceValeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.

I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Archery
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ratzypiet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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Most peeps don't think gold jewelry is hardcore

But I think it's pretty metal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gwtkof
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2017
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My childhood hobby (birdwatching) always got me in trouble.

I wasn’t supposed to use fowl language.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jerodsanto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
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Had to buy a bunch of baby chickens..

I missed hanging with my peeps.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
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Someone kidnapped the Easter Bunny, hoping to steal his stash of candy. But the Bunny was steadfast and wouldn't talk.

Couldn't get a Peep out of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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what do you call it if a midget waves

a microwave

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πŸ‘€︎ u/markrulez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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Need stupid/funny potato puns.

I know this might not be the place to post a question but I was wondering if any of you punny peeps can help me out? I got some free stamps and I want to mail a few potatoes out to my relatives. I know this is pretty stupid and a waste of time but I'm laughing at myself just thinking what their reactions and responses will be when they check their mailbox and see a potato. I want to write a potato pun somewhere on the potato. So of you're willing to help me do this; please leave me your potato puns for me to read and decide which ones I'll be using. Thank you for reading.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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The Rude Parrot

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to clean up the bird’s vocabulary. Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said β€œI believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.” John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke up, and asked very softly : β€œMay I ask what the turkey did?”


I'd like to thank my friend John for sending me this dumb joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fred1840
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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If someone wrote a book about voyeurism...

... would it be a 'peeping tome'?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2018
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My newborn just got her Hep-B shot

The nurse said she barely made a peep. She's such a relaxed baby she'll trick us into having another.

It'll take more than that to outsmart me, baby. Only one of us was born yesterday

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πŸ‘€︎ u/doubleyuhtee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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An Easter Dad Joke

So I took some peeps into work today, and at our daily meeting I presented some to everyone.

I then pointed to my boss and said "He's the boss."

I then ripped the head off of the peep in my hand, reattached it, pointed back at my boss and repeated "He's the boss."

I was reminding my peeps who's boss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2017
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The Rooster

What did the rooster say to greet the rising sun?

β€œLet me sing for you the song of my peeps.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1st10Amendments
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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What did I do when my co-workers at the candy factory staged a strike to protest the commercialization of Easter Sunday?

I didn't make a Peep.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MC_Bankrupt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2018
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I really like answering the door when I know who it is that's knocking.

I'm a peep-hole person.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/raimbows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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Punny names of Dark Souls 3 bosses.

For reference: Link to wiki

Some of these are done in a kind of "news headline"-style:

  • Choir leader fired after using too much sexual innuendo; "Lewd Ex Cantor."

  • Video on demand about a street where nothing happens; "Vod of the Boring Alley."

  • Man's brutal cousin turns out to be a great bloke; "Raw-Ted, Great Dude".

  • Panic spreads as toilet facilities take over the world; "Cry! Stall-Age."

  • A man orders a book of basic letters to look after his daughters belongings while he looks after the others; "ABC, Watch Her's!".

  • Sams brother cheats a dude; "Dean Cons the Peep."

  • A ride in the amusement park offers a wide range of emotions; "High! Low! Woo! Nah."

  • A weird and hard to describe new dessert; "Cold Lemon Thing."

  • A new star in stand up rises! Come see "Puntiff Sulyvahn."

  • Pirates start eating fava beans and a new drink is required; "Yo! Ho! The Chianti!."

  • A Long lived man has an unusual apetite for fish; "Old-Rick, Devourer of Cods".

  • In Bacteria-Town, a devastating disease strikes one inhabitant working at a hotel; "Cancer of the Borrelia Valet".

  • Roman god Cubid is ordered to take a woman to cave and kill her; "Drag and Slay Her Amor"

  • Osiris's statue has been in way too many marriages and people have started to call it; "Osiris the Consummated Thing."

  • The choir leader from before is transformed into a mushroom; "Champignon Cantor"

  • An english man becomes the leader of a Polish airplane company and gets nicknamed; "LOT-Rick"

  • An impatient tree person attacks a random mythical hunter; "Antsy Ent! Why Hern?!"

  • Horse named Elvis keeps making noise and a man shouts;"Neigh Less King!"

  • A child opens a chocolate egg and a white spirit jumps out; "Soul of Kinder"

Sorry about the possible typos.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dralnu22
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Dad joke halloween costume

Bow Peep https://imgur.com/gallery/08zNH

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bails6923
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2016
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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Driving home from a bubble run

We're all ridiculously tired and the father peeps up "Looks like everyone's bubble burst"

My sigh was strong.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brandon539
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2015
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Chemistry dad joke

So, you take a beaker and fill it with 1000 ml of water. You then stuff purple Easter marshmallow treats into the beaker until it is completely full of peeps. What do you have?

...

A purple peep liter!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edgefactor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2014
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