But I think it's a naan issue.
So my partner probably wants to stab me more than i think. Almost every time she ask is me to “put the kettle on” I respond “I can’t, it won’t fit” or if we’re shopping and I’m asked “do you need a bag” I point at her and say “it’s fine I brought my own” there are others, but they currently evade my 2am brain.
I feel I need some new ones to keep her on her toes and what better place than this sanctum of one liners (except for this post, for which I apologise).
Anna One, Anna Two, Anna 1-2-3.
They'll never say a word
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
She gave him her peas.
UB40
He had a very esteemed colleague.
She's nun of my business.
I don’t want them to know my real name.
Co-Mando.
(Credit to my girlfriend)
How do you say thanks in fish?
Thanksalotyl
I was tryna hold my shit together
Business partner 2: Yes in deed
Audi partner.
He started counting but fell asleep.
She said, "Fair trade."
I lost My Chemical Romance
You know what they say, love at first sight.
They’re pair-a-medics
Three men go camping in the wilderness; a German, an Italian and a Czechoslovakian. While asleep, their campsite is attacked by a couple of bears and all 3 men are presumed killed. Forest Rangers get deployed to find the missing campers. After inspecting the campsite, the Rangers discover the bear tracks and follow them to the den. Inside are the 2 bears, a male and a female, which the Rangers quickly kill. First, they opened the stomach of the female and inside were the remains of the German and Italian men.
"Looks like our work here is done," the lead Ranger says to his partner.
"But we only found 2 bodies!" The partner cries back.
The Ranger removes his sunglasses and looks vacantly into the distance before finally telling his partner:
"Clearly the Czech is in the male."
I guess it's an ex-position.
I had an idea to start an Indian fast food restaurant. I’d call it “Hurry with the Curry”.
Unfortunately, my wife said it was a naan-starter.
What a dull name for a drilling company. Why didn’t Musk partner up with the founder of Microsoft and call it ‚Elon-Gates Tunnels‘?
Now she’s my flat-mate.
I asked her if she doesn't find a partner would she be on stand-bi.
HAAAANDD EEEEEEYYYYEEEEEEEEEE
P.S. I can't take credit, a got a phone call very late last night from my friend and her partner who had been drinking and just discovered this joke. They couldn't stop laughing. If only you could all have heard them trying to sing it.
A very skilled attorney interviews for a job at a prestigious firm. The managing partner looks over his resume and exclaims with glee, “Oh my goodness! You’re so experienced! You’re hired, and you can name your salary!”
The interviewee paused for a moment and said “Thank you. I’d like to call mine Dennis.”
Culpable Homo-cide.
Audi, partner 🤠
The Audi Partner.
Sometimes it's hungry, sometimes it's tired, sometimes it's angry. Please help.
Because you know I won’t smoke up all the profits.
Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. 🙄
He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.
Whenever I have to reverse I always do so slowly, let out a nostalgic sigh and say: "ahhh, this takes me back."
They were going into Kodiak arrest
Tell him you're all ears.
[I just thought of this while eating dinner and I'm pretty happy with it. I chuckled, and even my partner didn't sigh her usual sigh!]
Audi, partner.
