Parenthood Puns

But my daughter and her husband insist they can manage on their own.

http://i.imgur.com/tOn5tkP.jpg

From a group chat with my friends.

I'm a part time clerk/grunt worker at my local supermarket. My shift consists of stacking up milk, butter, eggs, cream, anything that comes from an udder. So, to make my existence seem less monotonous, I'll often badger my coworkers with horrid puns. One day,one of them offered me these kind words of encouragement: "If you don't shut up, I'll shove my foot down your throat." My rebuttal: "Is that what people call sole food?"

My friend lost his keys to his locker full of electronic circuitry, wires and similar stuff. He told me he lockpicked it open and I asked him if he has freed the resistors.

Meet James and Sasha, both 23, in a serious relationship and madly in love. James is worried about children, as he knows there is an honourable history of dad jokes in his family, and he is not sure he can live up to these great expectations. One night, whilst doing the deed, the condom breaks. They are both scared but after a couple weeks and no sign of pregnancy, they go back to their normal lives, and James goes back to worrying about parenthood. After returning home from work one night, James finds a tearful Sasha on the front doorstep. He sits next to her to ask what's wrong. 'Honey...' She replies. 'I'm pregnant.' James wipes a tear from his eye, and smiles proudly. 'Hello pregnant. I'm dad.'

Plant Parenthood.

My mom was watching this show called "Parenthood." It's about a family from grandparents to grandchildren. In one scene in Season 3 there's a scene where the grandpa lands a role in a commercial, and the entire family laughs when he tells them it's an erectile dysfunction commercial. One of the grandkids, not knowing what ED is, asks "What's 'ereptile' dysfunction?" So naturally I turn to my mom and say "It's when your snake doesn't work."

My mom got mad for some reason.

They were Unplanned Parenthood.