Pear puns
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︎ Sep 14 2019
If you leave a pear out too long does it turn into a parrot?
Just randomly thought of this, hope it's good and at least moderately original (ik there's a lot of pear puns in general)
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︎ Jul 19 2019
What do you call a vanishing pear?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Just thought of this, Hope it is worthy of this sub... What do you call a walking talking pear tree?
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︎ Oct 17 2020
This makes me βpearβy happy! See what I did there??
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Dis a pear
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I was told shoes come in pears
When I bought some they came in a box, guess I was lied to
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︎ Aug 03 2020
Poor pear
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︎ May 24 2020
What does a pear tree do before growing it's fruit?
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︎ Mar 30 2020
Skidaddle skidoodle your pear has now...
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︎ May 01 2020
I made a pun about pears:
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︎ May 14 2020
Why is the boat influenced by pears?
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︎ Jan 16 2020
Pre pear yourself for a bad pun
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︎ Jan 10 2020
Once there was a man who owned an orchard. He grew lots of things. Apples, pears, cherries, peaches, oranges and lemons.
The stonefruit was almost ready for harvest when he was hit with a bout of laryngitis that left him unable to talk.
Despite the doctors orders for bed rest, he went into the orchard early one morning to find all of his mature peach trees had been stolen.
He was peachless."
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︎ Apr 08 2020
FUCK pears
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︎ Sep 05 2019
Roasted Pear
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︎ Nov 23 2019
βIβve always been afraid of gardening, but then I decided to grow a pearβ
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︎ Dec 01 2019
Dad: Is that a pear?
*Dad points to pear on the kitchen counter.
Child: Yea...
Dad: Then why's there only one?
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︎ Nov 20 2019
Whatever you say Mr. Pear
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︎ Jun 09 2019
Itβs now a roasted pear
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I'm in this pear
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︎ Jul 17 2019
My girlfriend said we aren't getting married until she has a pear shape
It's the reason we cantaloupe
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︎ Jun 20 2019
Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?
Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!
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︎ Oct 21 2019
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︎ Dec 26 2018
I only buy one pear at a time
They should be sold in pairs
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︎ Jul 02 2019
My wife was trying to feed our son a pear, and he was refusing.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
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︎ Dec 19 2017
My daughter picked up a piece of fruit and asked, "Is this a pear?"
"No," I replied, "there is only one."
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︎ Jun 01 2019
The apple asked the Pear: Do you want to Smoke this fruit? Come on youβll love it!
The pear responded: I will never succumb to your Pear-Pressure.
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︎ Jun 27 2019
I SHALL GIVE YOU!! DIS PEAR
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︎ Dec 25 2018
What do you call a pear in a compressor?
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︎ May 03 2019
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︎ Apr 11 2017
Whatβs worse than finding a worm in your pear?
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︎ Mar 13 2019
Wife told me to grow a pear.
I did. It tasted delicious.
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︎ Nov 22 2018
Everyday for lunch I like to eat two pears, and my dad knows this.
One day I saw him dropping two pears into a bunch of brown paper bags.
βWhat are you doing?β I asked him.
βPreparing.β
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︎ Jan 07 2019
My dad makes sure that ripe pears are separated from those that are not.
This way there's no pear pressure.
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︎ Apr 18 2019
What do you call two pears?
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︎ Dec 10 2018
What did the pear say to the other pear when they just got together?
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︎ Apr 09 2019
A squirrel is living in a pine tree, when one day, he feels it shaking, looks down and sees an elephant climbing the tree. The squirrel shrieks, βWhat are you doing climbing my tree?β βWell, Iβm coming up here to eat some pears.β says the elephant.
βYou idiot, this is a pine tree, there are no pears!β
βWell I brought my own pears.β
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︎ Dec 23 2018
My favorite fruit is the pear.
Why?
Because if you have two and you eat one, you still have a pear left.
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︎ May 27 2018
Pears always have an even number of pips.
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︎ Oct 03 2018
What do you call pears with no ears?
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︎ Feb 03 2019
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?
The damage was irreparable
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︎ Jan 21 2019
I just caught a walking pear tree...
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︎ Dec 05 2018
Dad, would you like a pear?
Yes, but just one please.
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︎ Oct 02 2017
Wife: could you grab a pear or two while youβre out? Dad: Pair of what?
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︎ Jul 20 2018
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
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︎ Jul 23 2018
If a farmer tills a field so he can plant pear trees, is he "pre-pearing"?
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︎ May 02 2017
Pear batman
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︎ Jun 09 2017
I got a pear stuck in my toilet. All I needed to do was flush and it was gone.
Because a flush always beats a pair.
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︎ Nov 11 2017
pear
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︎ Jan 30 2015
I told my dad we had a couple of pears left in the fridge
"So we have a pair of pears?"
I walked into that one, I guess.
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︎ Aug 16 2017
Wife: these pears a perfect right now.
Dad: would you say they're 'pear-fect'?
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︎ Oct 05 2017
My wife said there were two pears in the fridge. Then told me that my daughter took a pear for lunch.
So I said "I guess that means there's none left?"
That one took a while to set in. She looked confused until I had to repeat "If there were two, then [daughter] took a pear...."
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︎ Nov 21 2016
Every time he's offered a pear, my dad responds with:
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︎ Feb 02 2014
What do you call a pear with loose morals?
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︎ Mar 06 2014
I asked my dad if he was eating a pear
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︎ Jan 15 2015
A pear
A friend of mine had an oddly shaped pear in his lunch and confronted me about it.
him: Look at this pear
Me: I only see one
He ignored me but another buddy of mine laughed at it.
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︎ Mar 26 2015
My dad just asked me if I wanted anything from the kitchen. I replied with "a pear."
He replied with "two of what?"
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︎ Nov 17 2013
Dad on Pears
So our family was taking out fruit to eat, when my mom asks, "Anyone want a pear?" To which my dad immediately replies, "Me, but I don't want a pair, only one." Cue collective groaning from the 3 other family members in the room, and a big grin on my dad's face.
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︎ Oct 17 2014
Wife was cutting up pears for a dip
She was trying to get all the pears on half the serving dish but one slice kept falling off, so I said "I guess that slice doesnt conform to your desired a-pear-ances". Groaning ensued.
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︎ Oct 19 2014
Do you like Pears?
Wife: Honey do you like Pears?
Me: Nah I am more of a fan of singles.
Kids: <rolling>
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︎ Dec 12 2013
My wife asked me why I bought a pear tree
I told her "what, you told me to grow a pear"
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︎ Jul 28 2018
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