What happens when citrus fruits work overtime?

They get lime and a half...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
If the Super Bowl went into overtime, does that mean the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?

I really hope Tide had another commercial ready just in case.

Edit: Thank you for the Reddit Gold, kind stranger! My first!

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brady_bear3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Been working a lot of overtime at the bakery

I knead the dough.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afranc72
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Working Overtime
πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/L3LuSsY1
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my boss I did overtime yesterday.

Who names their daughter overtime anyway?

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garreth__
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Working Overtime
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-_-STRANGER-_-
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If a stripper has to work overtime are they t’workin’ late?
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/melon_lawd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
Nobody laughed in work chat. :
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phisch27
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad, how much money do you make?

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5 year old son waiting for him at the door.

β€œDaddy, may I ask you a question ?”

β€œYeah, sure, what is it ?” replied the man.

β€œDaddy, how much money do you make an hour?”

β€œThat’s none of your business! What makes you ask such a thing?” the man said angrily.

β€œI just want to know.Β  Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?” pleaded the little boy.

β€œIf you must know, I make $20.00 an hour.”

β€œOh,” the little boy replied, head bowed.

Looking up, he said, β€œDaddy, may I borrow $9.00 please?”

The father was furious. β€œIf the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight to your room and go to bed.Β Β  Think about why you’re being so selfish.Β  I work long, hard hours every day and don’t have time for such childish games.”

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door.

The man sat down and started to get even madder about the little boy’s questioning.Β  How dare he ask such questions only to get some money.

After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a little hard on his son.Β  May be there was something he really needed to buy with that $9.00 and he really didn’t ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of the little boy’s room and opened the door.Β  β€œAre you asleep son?” he asked.

β€œNo daddy, I’m awake,” replied the boy.

β€œI’ve been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier,” said the man.Β  β€œIt’s been long day and I took my aggravation out on you. Here’s that $9.00 you asked for.”

The little boy sat straight up, beaming.

β€œOh, thank you daddy!” he yelled.

Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills.Β  The man, seeing that the boy already had money, started to get angry again.

The little boy slowly counted out his money, then looked up at the man.

β€œWhy did you want more money if you already had some?” the father grumbled.

β€œBecause I didn’t have enough, but now I do,” the little boy replied.

β€œDaddy, I have $20.00 now.Β  Can I buy an hour of your time?”

The father looked upon his son with a smile as he walked towards the door and said "Overtime is double pay."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cleverley1986
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2017
🚨︎ report
What is your favorite dad joke?

My personal favorite is: "Hey did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?" "Oh, don't worry. He's all right now."

It lets you add a lot of different flare, especially if you're looking at your phone and you make it sound like a news story or something.

So what's your favorite dad joke?

EDIT: Thank you everyone, I've gotten a good chuckle out of all of these! It's been a rough couple of days, but these all cheered me up. I'm going to be recycling them... My girlfriend eyes are gonna be rolling overtime tonight. I'd feel sorry, but my girlfriend probably doesn't want me feeling anyone but her.

πŸ‘︎ 71
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cawblade
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2015
🚨︎ report
So Microsoft Office goes to Jail...

Word and Powerpoint get stuck together. For the first few months they hated each other but overtime they got to know each other better and became really good friends. After about a year Powerpoint found a hole in the wall to escape through. He really wanted to tell Word but he knew only he could escape or would seriously risk getting caught. So Powerpoint fled that next night but he left a letter to Word saying that he was sorry for leaving and explained that their friendship has changed him and the way he looks at life.

TL;DR Powerpoint escaped through hidden Access with a new Outlook, while Word is stuck in jail with Onenote and an Excel mate.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazymanfish90
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad got us with this one tonight.

We got pizza and my mom cut up fresh thyme for the pizza. We opened it and it already had thyme on it, so my dad goes "well now you can get overtime!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_the_royal_we
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was Power so stressed?

His boss kept making him work overtime.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Unintentionally Dad joked my coworker just now.

I work at a CPA firm and walked by a co-worker who looked a bit frustrated since it's tax season. I ask if I'm going to hate doing taxes to when I finally get my CPA license. He replies with "it's not that I hate doing taxes, it's just that im worn out from the overtime". Without hesitation I replied with "oh, I'm sure the long hours can be very... Taxing". I instantly realized what I had said and before I could say no pun intended my Co worker let's out a very loud moan followed by booing that didn't stop until I left his office.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shibli09
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2015
🚨︎ report
If the Super Bowl goes into overtime, does that mean…

…the first 4 quarters were just a really long commercial since the game was Tide?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.