There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsureyoudo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggeerrtt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Hot and fresh, made to order puns!

Do you need a pun? Just ask!

I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."

Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrAcurite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, β€œok sir, and which side?”

I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.

Cashier: β€œsir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 325
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer

The bartender says we don't serve food here

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.

Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese? 3yr old: ranch is for horses

Little guy Caught me off guard lol

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjorazi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?

That's not my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Which country orders the most takeout?

Togo.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just ordered the personalised license plate BAA BAA.

For my black jeep.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height

I guess they were critter-sizing me

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesallen1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.

After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.

He'd been despatched.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmoBM
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œEasy. Right next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?

Ministop

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingExpertise
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn’t afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.

"6 please. I could never eat 12."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.

We call her, Miss Steak.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My barista didn’t filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, let’s be honest.

You’re just getting a head of yourself.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
πŸ‘︎ 454
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πŸ‘€︎ u/horrorhoney
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?

It needs to strain itself.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.

Sorry, wrong sub.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinner_cat96
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Let’s order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.

She ran out of thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoSHEEE
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?

A Brrrrrrger.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Domidoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

β€œIt’s a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoff”, said the bartender.

β€œJust call me Hoff”, he replied.

β€œSure”, said the bartender, β€œno hassle”.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"

And I said "not without a large mortgage"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dad_2_the_bone
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a book about premature ejaculation

It came early

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Onebladeprop
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What fast food does a young cannibal order?

A kids meal.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a-scott-s-tot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
i ordered a chiken and an egg on craigslist...

i'll let you know

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When I order Indian food I get to eat all of it myself.

No one else ever wants naan.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GolfInside
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered my burger with no mayo.

When I took my first bite I said, β€œWhat the Hell Mann?!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xeazlouro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...

The bill was huge.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.

I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sanjiroku
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?

Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KalNymeri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Just ordered a 12” wide console table to go by our entryway door.

My daughter says it will be very soothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WOTrULookingAt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order

They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.

Good evening. I'll see my self out...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ldeweyjr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, β€œBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?”.

β€œNo”, replies the burger, β€œbut I can tell you you’re going to need an umbrella later.”

β€œOh, sorry”, said the man, β€œI thought you were a meaty urologist”.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CMoy1980
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danarchist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
If you’re here for the yodeling lesson

Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/butmuhfreedoms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.

It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noapostrophe555
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A group of bedazzled tarps and a bunch of poles walk into a restaurant and order some stakes....

Things became pretty tents.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yournannycam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...

Bartender says, β€œThat will be $20.20.”

πŸ‘︎ 298
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm gluten intolerant so ordering from Indian restaurants is a challenge.

They all tell me it's naan optional.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aviddd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.

And a mop.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/starkers107
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I ordered a chicken and an egg online

I'll let you know

πŸ‘︎ 617
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πŸ‘€︎ u/memetime66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.

He really got a head of himself.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report

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