There was a fire at the yodeling school. Everyone was asked to exit in an orderly orderly orderly manner
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︎ Dec 03 2020
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Hot and fresh, made to order puns!
Do you need a pun? Just ask!
I can do puns with just one subject, puns that connect two subjects, pun pickup lines, and pun-chlines for jokes of the form "____ walks into a bar."
Just comment on this post with the subject you need a pun on, and I will get back to you as soon as possible.
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︎ Sep 18 2019
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, βok sir, and which side?β
I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose Iβll take the right side.
Cashier: βsir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.β
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︎ Jan 08 2021
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer
The bartender says we don't serve food here
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︎ Oct 08 2020
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
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︎ Jan 04 2021
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Which country orders the most takeout?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I've just ordered the personalised license plate BAA BAA.
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I got into trouble at the park today - people told me to stop arranging the squirrels in order of height
I guess they were critter-sizing me
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︎ Dec 22 2020
I ordered a Hit Man to take care of my business partner the other day.
After a change of heart I cancelled the order, but it was too late.
He'd been despatched.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
I told my wife Iβm going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.
She said, βWhere would you find the time?β
I said, βEasy. Right next to the sage.β
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︎ Dec 13 2020
What Did Mickey Mouse say to Minnie Mouse in order to rest?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
My friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldnβt afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
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︎ Jan 10 2021
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
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︎ Dec 18 2020
The butchers wife always messes up everyone's orders.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
My barista didnβt filter my coffee right. I issued her a restraining order.
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︎ Dec 12 2020
If you order a bust be made before you do anything important, letβs be honest.
Youβre just getting a head of yourself.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I think Harry would like an order of wings right about now...
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︎ Oct 25 2020
What does a virus need to do in order to reach more people?
It needs to strain itself.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
TIFU by mixing up my coworkers' sandwich orders and not giving them what they requested.
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︎ Jul 08 2020
I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.
Cost me an arm and a leg.
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︎ Nov 25 2020
Letβs order takeaway because mom cannot finish making dinner by 7pm tonight.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
What cold food do you order at a fast food restaurant?
A Brrrrrrger.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
βItβs a pleasure to serve you, Mr. Hasselhoffβ, said the bartender.
βJust call me Hoffβ, he replied.
βSureβ, said the bartender, βno hassleβ.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Person in front of me ordering coffee asked "can I have a large house?"
And I said "not without a large mortgage"
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I ordered a book about premature ejaculation
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︎ Dec 17 2020
What fast food does a young cannibal order?
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︎ Dec 06 2020
i ordered a chiken and an egg on craigslist...
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︎ Nov 28 2020
When I order Indian food I get to eat all of it myself.
No one else ever wants naan.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
I ordered my burger with no mayo.
When I took my first bite I said, βWhat the Hell Mann?!β
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︎ Nov 17 2020
I ordered a large duck at the Chinese last night...
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldnβt add it.
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldnβt end very Gouda for them!
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Hear about that superhero knock-off group that keeps ordering drinks but pour out all the liquid?
Apparently they call themselves the Just Ice League
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Just ordered a 12β wide console table to go by our entryway door.
My daughter says it will be very soothing.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Sbarro pizza company charged with violating state COVID executive order
They are expected to make an appearance in Food Court next week.
Good evening. I'll see my self out...
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︎ Dec 05 2020
A man walks into a restaurant and orders a hamburger. Upon receiving the burger, the man says to the burger, βBurger, can you help me with my urinary tract infection?β.
βNoβ, replies the burger, βbut I can tell you youβre going to need an umbrella later.β
βOh, sorryβ, said the man, βI thought you were a meaty urologistβ.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Four Seasons Total Lawn Care created some good ones after the bizarre press conference Saturday such as "Lawn and Order" and "Make America Rake Again" - I don't see them using this one on their promotional materials though:
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︎ Nov 09 2020
If youβre here for the yodeling lesson
Please form an orderly, orderly, orderly queue.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
Just found out there's a Law & Order UK.
It's produced by Spotted Dick Wolf.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
A group of bedazzled tarps and a bunch of poles walk into a restaurant and order some stakes....
Things became pretty tents.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Man walks into a bar and orders a Corona and 2 huricanes...
Bartender says, βThat will be $20.20.β
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︎ Aug 27 2020
I'm gluten intolerant so ordering from Indian restaurants is a challenge.
They all tell me it's naan optional.
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︎ Nov 29 2020
A skeleton walks into a bar and orders a beer.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
I ordered a chicken and an egg online
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︎ Aug 10 2020
My self-centered friend ordered a sculpture of his face, but later realized he couldn't afford the bill.
He really got a head of himself.
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︎ Oct 29 2020
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