originally posted on r/tumblr by u/MaetelofLaMetal
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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What European country do people get sick in?

Germ-any

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhsorrybro
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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An American wants to enter a nightclub

Together with some friends from abroad, an Afghan, an Albanian, and Algerian, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguan, an Argintine, an Armenian, and Austrailian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Brit, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leemhuis
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The world’s leading expert on European wasps walks into a record shop.

He asks the assistant β€œDo you have β€˜European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

β€œCertainly,” replies the assistant. β€œWould you like to listen before you buy it?”

"That would be wonderful," says the expert, and puts on a pair of headphones.

He listens for a few moments and says to the assistant, β€œI'm terribly sorry, but I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don't recognize any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checks the turntable, and replies that it is indeed European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. The assistant apologizes and lifts the needle onto the next track.

Again the expert listens for a few moments and then says to the assistant, "No, this just can't be right! I've been an expert in this field for 43 years and I still don't recognize any of these sounds."

The assistant apologizes again and lifts the needle to the next track.

The expert throws off the headphones as soon as it starts playing and is fuming with rage.

"This is outrageous false advertising! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!"

The manager of the shop overhears the commotion and walks over.

"What seems to be the problem, sir?"

"This is an outrage! I am the world's leading expert on European wasps. Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!"

The manager glances down and notices the problem instantly.

"I'm terribly sorry, sir. It appears we've been playing you the bee side."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotFunny_69
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2021
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Before you go in the bathroom you're American...

After you come out, you're American...

What are you when you're in the bathroom?

European

(as told by my 10 year old daughter)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GETNRDUNN
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2021
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Imagine Americans switched from Pound to Kilograms overnight

There would be mass confusion

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anukrit_Subedi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war ..

It was new-clear warfare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pardon_the_panj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
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What do you call an American bee?

a USB.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LockCapital
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2021
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Gottemm
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2021
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An American cat and a French cat are having a swimming race.

The American cat’s name is β€œOne Two Three”. The French cat’s name is β€œUn Deux Trois”. Which cat won?

One Two Three.

Because Un Deux Trois cat sank.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Satchmoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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European food puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bitchyswiftie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
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Well that didn't cross my mind
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JasonPetreasCoach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2021
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An American, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German where all attending a Zoom meeting. The Supervisor asked β€œcan you see me ok?”

To which they answered β€œyes” β€œoui” β€œsi” β€œja”.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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During the Olympics, I met a European man holding 2 large sticks.

I asked him "Are you by any chance a pole- vaulter?"

He looked surprised "Nein, I'm German, but how did you know my name vas Valter?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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What do you call a rich European architect who goes bankrupt?

Baroque

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
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My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns

"OK", I said, "Alpaca my bags".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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What do you call an American Bee

A U.S.B

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_phemmzone
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2021
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How many dead bodies are buried in the average American cemetery?

All of them

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2021
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Did you know that 10+10 and 11+11 are the same thing?

Because 10+10 is twenty and 11+11 is twenty too..

Edit: thank you for awards, I have never gotten one before. I apologize that this is a repost, I did see it on TikTok and thought that it was cute and wanted to share. In the future I will check the sub for similar content before I post anything.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lewzerman
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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Did you also know Michael Jackson was part Native American?

He was a quarter Cherok-HEE-HEE!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixAurum
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
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What do you get when you cook an American burger with your phone charger?

100% USBeef.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sjmaeff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
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My clothes were having a competition to decide which one is the coolest

It ended up being a tie

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlarioKath
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2021
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Saw this European Union ad on Twitter
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blackbird1251
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
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Bit coin or something idk
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naughtyballsack
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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My wife asked for a divorce today, saying I was too un-American.

I saw it coming from a kilometer away.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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TIL many Central and South Americans suffer from an ocular infection called Eye Carumba /r/ShittyTodayILearned/co…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsMichaelRay
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
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Do you know the difference between a Russian and American genealogists?

It's their nationality.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do Americans think cow tipping is hard.

It is difficult to calculate 20% in Imperial System

>!This is a play on the word "tipping", which means....(A)Pushing a cow over.............(B)Tipping a generous amount of 20% after dinner!<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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If April showers bring may flowers what do may flowers bring?

Pilgrims

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frudedude
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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Ancient South American owls always worked together secretly.

They were Inca hoots.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kartenhouse
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
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What is the world’s least spoken language?

Sign language

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2021
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How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian!

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πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
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american schools are some of the only places you can have first hand experiences with Quadrilaterals and quad-collaterals
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blahblorb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
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A very patriotic friend who I thought loved everything American just told me he preferred Eurpoean spellings

He's finally shown me his true colours.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retrohero5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
The native american legends has a mythical creature similar to the unicorns of Europe.

The Unimaize.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pnaeacks
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
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What American President had the highest approval rating among pirates?

F.D. Arrrrrrrr!!!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is it pronounced "Bri'ish" if you're from Britain?

Because they drank the 't'

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JenovasChild666
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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Did the Native Americans hunt bear?

No, they hunted with clothes on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wimpykidfan37
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
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I was poking fun at my friend for not being quite Asian, African, or European

Apparently he's a bit Turklish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community,

That would be called a reservation reservation reservation

Credit to Brian Regan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/3pinephrine
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
If you can't appreciate this, please furgive me
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a Shepard and an American Shepard?

The American Shepard barks American.

(Grandad to my son, had him laughing out loud)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaHedgehog27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Mt. Rushmore rocks!
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cREDBARON
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
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I saw a 1000 year old oil stain

It was from ancient Greece

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darz167
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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My American Roblox freezer died today...

0Β°F

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Emil_Jorgensen05
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Can I claim an Eastern European exchange student as a dependent to reduce my income below the phaseout threshold?

I’m hoping to get a stimulus Czech.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CombatCarlsHand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
Towards the end of WW2 the Americans decided to try out an advanced, decisive strategy for war

It was new-clear warfare

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pardon_the_panj
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2021
🚨︎ report
what do you call an american bee?

a usb

πŸ‘︎ 623
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chickenman2359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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