Why did the lonely millionaire sell the majority of his business?
He wanted a little company.
The majority of people that have dropped beets are not musicians
What do you call it when Trump gets the majority of delegates and still loses the nomination from a contested convention?
Is the majority of this sub finally done recycling material?
There have only been a few "Is this sub still active? There haven't been any new posts all year" posts all year.
If you kill the majority of ducks in a pond...
Did you know that, while alive, Mozart composed symphonies in almost every major key?
Sadly, in death, he was relegated only to D-composition.
I hope Elon Musk never gets caught up in a major scandal
I just imagine Elon-Gate would be really drawn out....
Why don’t calculus majors party?
Because they can not drink and derive
My buddy just told me he needs major surgery: he's having half his intestine removed.
(excuse my grammar that should be a semi-colon)
Not many people know about this, but when I was in college, I majored in surfing.
They called me a “rad” student.
I asked my friend who is a major in Geology, what is the most expensive rock in the world?
He replied Dwayne Johnson
I can’t remember what I majored in at college.
I skipped classes to some degree.
I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs
It was a completely miss-leading report
What do you call a group of dead English majors?
Ultimate dad joke
If I ever have a son I'm naming him Tom just so I can play space oddity by David bowie in the delivery room during the birth. It's the ultimate dad joke and none of you can stop me
Do you know what is the major reason of dry skin?
I was going to spend Friday night studying stinging polyps that spend major part of their lifetime attached to rocks at the bottom of the sea, but a couple pals wanted me to go bar hopping...
With friends like that, who needs anemones?
Why can't math majors party?
Because they can't drink and derive
E-flat walks into a bar. The bar tender looks up and says,
“I’m sorry. We don’t serve minors.”
I dad jokes my dentist while she was actively working on me.
Scene- Me, at dentist, having teeth removed. She was having a bit of trouble with some of them and this was while she had instruments in my mouth. There's some pain after maximum amount of anesthetic she can give me. Asks me how I'm doing.
Me- There is some pain in the teeth after numbing but it isn't anything I can handle.
Dentist- Last time you were here we didn't have a problem but this time your teeth are being a major pain in the butt.
Me- My teeth are a pain in the butt? No wonder people say I talk out of my ass way too much.
She had to stop for a bit to finish laughing.
What do you study in music college?
Warning: major spoilers ahead!
The Green New Deal now has Dadjokes as a major pillar
We are the foremost experts in recycling!
In college, I double-majored in accounting and dentistry...
Now I can crunch numbers AND numb crunchers.
The culprit is a major D.
I really like guitars
They just strike a chord with me
They should have a follow-up to the G-7 meeting called the C Major Summit.
Maybe that will resolve things.
(Not OC but I saw it on FB and it was new to me)
A large truck transporting wigs and toupees has crashed on a major highway sending its cargo everywhere.
Police are still combing the area.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
My sister majored in Philosophy. I saw her sobbing the other day, worried she won’t get a job.
I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”
Did you all hear recently that a major cheese factory exploded in France?
After the G7 summit, they should follow it up with a C major summit
So things can get resolved
How do you make one vanish?
Math major: minus 1 duh
English major: Nah, just add ‘g’ in the beginning and it’s gone!
I had a minor accident at the practice
Accidentally played a major
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.
I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.
I recently gave a large sum of money to a corn farmer
It was a major stalk investment
Why isn't HIV a major cause of depression?
Because it's not that hard to stay positive.
What do Betty Crocker and Major League Baseball have in common?
I hope Elon Musk does not get involved in any major scandal.
Because Elon-gate will go on forever.
My drum major was struck by lightning
She was very good at conducting.
When Math majors graduate ...
Do they get degrees or radians?
Years ago at my first IT startup we thought we'd caught a big break when we were asked to set up the campus network at a major college. However, the project eventually fell through when they failed to secure the necessary funding.
I still think about it sometimes - the WAN that got away.
What did Justin Timberlake say when the lead singer of Weezer asked him to name a major peninsula on the northern coast of the Black Sea?
The company that made the lift in my house is called Schindler. Yup. That's right. It's a Schindler's lift.
I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see
When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor
Why did the grandpa change his major?
He had to switch from Literature to Classics
Idk if it's been here before
In college, I double-majored in dermatology and dentistry...
I graduated by the skin of my teeth
From Reddit, to Facebook, back to Reddit
The city of St. Louis is offering huge tax breaks to major corporations so that big businesses can move in.
Because Missouri loves Company.
The ER gave my son a stuffed bear to take home. I named him MRSA Major.
A major component of our brains
Did you guys watch the news? Someone poured oil all over a major Jordanian city and heated it up.
What did the musician say to the soldier?
“Dad, I want to be a history major!”
Dad: I don’t see any future in it.
So I just heard that the two main characters from the previous Men In Black movies are going to have major parts in the upcoming sequel!
What did the Spider major in college?
Why do bunnies always major in Math?
Because they’re good at multiplying.
Why didn't Steve Rogers major English?
It's because he is Captain America
Math majors are important
6 hours after a major bank robbery took place, the bank have finally released their statement.
Withdrawn: £9,000,000
Balance:£0.00
I majored in English. My education was lit.
I told my dad I wanted to be a history major.
Dad: I don’t think there’s a future in that.
I majored in agricultural sciences in college
Both my kids are liberal arts majors, and they seem overwhelmed at the lack of job prospects.
My dad is learning to play guitar
My son is thinking about majoring in Geology...
...because he thinks geology rocks
Why did the business major take a band class?
People keep talking about these North Korean peace talks as if they are major news
I'm pretty sure it is all just koreagraphed though
Edit: as Mad-slick pointed out, this was originally posted elsewhere on reddit in r/pics. Original is linked in the comments, go give him the deserving up vote please.
All this while, I thought my son was majoring in Oceanography.
Turns out he is just a C student.
What do you call a fish that majors in geometry?
Stereographic projection doesn't cause any major distortion
That's a bit of a stretch
What did the philosophy major do when they needed new shoes?
They went sole searching.
The news was showing a series of major fires all within close proximity to each other...
... my fiancée said "It's probably arson." I retort with "Our son would never do that!"
Its a wonder she's marrying me.
So a council meeting involving a large sum of employees were under major stress on what to call their restaurant. The team leader was furiously dissatisfied and screamed:
A Martian has filed a race discrimination lawsuit against a major US corporation
This Martian went to apply for a job, despite his low qualifications. The interviewer asked about college education and the Martian said he didn't have that. When asked if he ever did that line of work before, the Martian said no. So the interviewer thanked the Martian for coming, but added that he thought that the Martian was a bit too green for the job -- hence the lawsuit.
(Not original, but I don't remember where I heard similar.)
If you're a CS major, there's no snaking around Python.
I’m thinking of switching my major to geology.
I think I’d do well because I keep discovering a new rock bottom.
Geography majors are all over the map.
Why didn't Steve Rogers Major in English?
Because he's Captain America
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