the legendary revolutionary who continues to create ripples all around the world. πŸŒ’
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madjholu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are legendary
πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey kids! Get in here! We're playing Quake with a bunch of cows, and then watching a Disney live action remake about a legendary female warrior!

It's our Moo-LAN party!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A story about a legendary Composer

In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.

One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.

The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.

Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, β€œI recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”

Soon after, another said, β€œand that’s his 8th, backwards!”

After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:

β€œNever fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnixyZ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Their battle will be legendary!
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheEggPunster
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
This is just legendary
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CyrusDaSquid
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football program

Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily. Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaintMeerkat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My Dad was very close to a legendary long-con dad joke.

My name is Sam. My younger sister is two and a half years younger than I am. My dad was going to name her Ella so we would be Sam & Ella (Salmonella) but my Mom caught on and named her something else. He was so close!

I wouldn't have been mad at all, such dedication is worth it.

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaidTheBear
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2013
🚨︎ report
I tried a legendary /r/puns pun on my friend the other day. I don't think he liked it.
πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merglyn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2013
🚨︎ report
Why do you suppose the lucky rabbits foot is legendary?

That's where they find them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bardner
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
True story: I was a kid, watching TV in our living room. My dad was outside using the grill. All of a sudden he bursts in the door hopping on one foot yelling β€œI stepped on a Bee!”

I was so concerned I jumped up and ran over to him...

Earlier that day my friend and I who were really into mountain biking had been using really sticky letters to put our names on our bikes. We were working near the general area of the BBQ.

Apparently I had dropped one...

Stuck to the bottom of my dads foot was the letter B....

A legendary dad joke from a legendary dad.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are Pokemon players considered naughty?

Because they always want a pikachu.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacosnarf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Supermilk

I am a bit proud of what I achieved today. I promise that this is spontaneous to me, even though I might have heard the word somewhere else.

So my older children are up and waiting for breakfast, and they started talking about a game variety of Parkour, and the word β€œlegendary” is being thrown around casually. So I ask them if they know what legendary means, and my son says, after a minute of thinking, that it means very amazing. I answered, β€œNo, legendary means super famous milk.” Took them half a minute to figure out and I got the biggest groans ever!

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Damark81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I was driving down the interstate when I came across a sign for the world's largest pickle...

I turned at the next exit and found that there was a whole town around it.

Shops, restaurants, even churches devoted to this pickle.

When I finally found the museum holding this legendary pickle, I discovered it was closed.

Dismayed, I went back to the interstate.

I just never saw what the big dill was.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A storm blew away 25% of my roof last night

oof

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
πŸ‘︎ 960
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Malian_Carver
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Every Girl...

My buddy Dan hated this picture.

I told him he had it wrong, because....

https://preview.redd.it/a8938op039o31.jpg?width=640&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b1efb0347ef57317f3ca2ca41199518c677207bb

.... "Every Girl Crazy 'bout a Shark Dress, Man !"

(spins guitar on belt buckle)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zman4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does Darry always take his leg with him wherever he goes?

Because together they both are legendary.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/doktorstrange7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A weasel walks into a bar

The barman says " I've never served a weasel before what would you like " "Pop" goes the weasel

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SepticSprout
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to make a milk factory and name the company "Legend"

It'll be "Legend-Dairy"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Albatraous
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2016
🚨︎ report
I just read that the Carnival cruise ship "Glory" crashed into the Carnival cruise ship "Legend"

It left a legendary glory hull

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeRocker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad's joke about milk.

Some context: my dad listed the drinks we had, which read "orange juice, decaf, milk."

Me: (jokingly) Decaf milk?

Dad: All milk is decaf because we get it and the calf doesn't!

The man is legendary.

πŸ‘︎ 403
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fagballs3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call the cow that slayed a dragon?

Legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/52754215
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Whenever my dad went grocery shopping

the cashier would ask, "Would you like your milk in a bag?"

He would reply, "No thanks, keep it in the carton."

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/henzhou
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

πŸ‘︎ 146
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DONT_PM_MEH_PLEES
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I'm a huge fan of maps!

They're so encompassing

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/windowlicker1234
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call an amputee riding passenger in a two-seater?

Sawed-off shotgun

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/duntchwishugnu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Do you know where the word "myth" comes from?

It's for people who were aiming for legendary status, but they just mythed.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dgrubbnasty
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
[hustle]

At the end of a long season; two fishing companies got caught up over the last catching nets to supply ingredients to Hog Island's famous chowder... the legendary bustle was later known as the "mussel vessel hustle tussle"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sarah_Connor
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My Father-in-Law on his death bed

The hospice nurse was asking mandatory questions of my Father-in-Law, terminal with cancer:

Nurse: Were you ever sexually abused as a child?

Father-in-Law: No, I was neglected.

Nurse: (surprised) Neglected?

Father-in-Law: No one ever loved me enough to give me any sexual abuse.

It's possible to laugh and cry at the same time. My Father-in-Law was legendary and laughed even in the face of death.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fericyde
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2014
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report

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