Whoever figured out the 'days of the month correspond with your knuckles' thing had too much time on their hands
πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BradC
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2017
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I beat somebody up with a pair of brass knuckles made of pennies

I sure knocked some cents into them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Knuckle sandwich imgur.com/XSnG2NO
πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tstalheim
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2016
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What kind of protein powder does Knuckles use?

Wae

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MajikMan16
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
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Mom: "Stop cracking your knuckles, it causes arthritis."

Me: "No it doesn't, that's just a myth."

Dad: "Maybe it's just myth-understood."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GambitGamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2014
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What do you give a cannibal who's late for dinner

The cold shoulder

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tjeters
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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Sonic would really love boxing

He’s a sucker for rings...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingClydesdale
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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Old ladies

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, β€œSometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in, β€œYes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them β€œThat must be the door, I’ll get it!” Reply

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Do you know why theres no D in sane?

Because D's nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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What's a cannibal's favorite snack?

A knuckle sandwich

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sirdavide101
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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A man walked into a Library...

A Man Walked into a Library. He approached the front desk, rapped on the wood with his knuckles, and declared "MA'AM, I WOULD LIKE A CHEESEBURGER AND FRIES." The receptionist was startled, and replied "sir, please.. this is a library!" The man gasped, looked around surprised, and replied in a very quiet whisper: "i'm so sorry. i would like a cheeseburger and fries."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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What do they call fist bumps in the U.K.?

British Pounds

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Flandersmcj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
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My son finally has his licence!

It took a while but don’t give up. All those driving lessons in all kinds of weather, late at night, early morning. Gritted teeth and white knuckles at near misses, all payed off.

So to celebrate we bought a new car.

It's nice after all that work to finally have something to chauffeur it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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A timely joke.

Whoever figured out how many days in a month using their knuckles had way too much TIME on their HANDS.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/attrujil
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2017
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knock knock jokes and Nabokov's "Lolita"

This is an homage to my buddy Allen who is a master at puns in general and of puns of the antanaclasis variety in particular.

Allen likes to write fan fiction for Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita". In Allen's version, the young girl tries to seduce an older man with hacky knock knock jokes. One example: "Hey big boy, I want to whisper something in your ear... Did you know Knock-Knock Jokes may result in swollen knuckles?"

The copyright holders have requested he take the jokes out. They said to knock off knock-off knuckle knock-knocks in Nabokov knock-offs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeSaintClair
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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My Dad's go-to story joke

So my dad pretty much lays this one on every friend of mine he ever meets.

There once was this man named Benny, who had the strongest desire to live forever. The devil knew these desires, and arose out of the dephts to make a deal with Benny.

The deal stated that, in exchange for Benny's soul, he would be gifted with immortality. The only condition was that Benny could not shave any part of his body, ever, or he would be instantly transformed into an urn.

Benny went on with his now unending life and found himself falling in love with a girl shortly after accepting this deal with the devil. The girl however. Would not love him back because of his ridiculously long hair covering his entire body. It was said that the hair from his knuckles would sweep the floor when he walked into the room, and he would constantly trip himself on his beard.

The girl eventually died and Benny fell into a deep depression. He decided it would be best to end his misery by going to a barbershop, and getting a shave. He sat in the barber's seat, and as soon as the blade reached his skin, he was transformed, and all that remained in the seat was a large, metal urn.

The moral of the story... A Benny Shaved is a Benny Urned.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRagingKoala
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
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My babysitter's dad whenever we were hungry or angry

Him: You want a sandwich? Me: Sure! Him: (holding up fist) A knuckle sandwich!?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/howdydiddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2013
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Getting Old

Three older ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, β€œSometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand in front of the refrigerator and can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich.”

The second lady chimed in, β€œYes, some times I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down.”

The third one responded, ” Well, I’m glad I don’t have that problem; knock on wood,” as she rapped her knuckles on the table, then told them β€œThat must be the door, I’ll get it!”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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