It's My Party! Puns

I said, "I don't want our neighbours having a party on our fridge."

I look up, straight faced, and calmly reply, "yeah, we don't talk about that.."

My wife buried her face for a good minute.. I'm proud of that one.

EDIT: I showed my wife how many ppl thought this was funny and she told me to say "please don't encourage him" .. :)

Sorry for going on a tangent

“You will have your cake and eat it too.”

PS: this is the best gift I can get today.

Nobody expected the Spanish ink precision.

You know, a schwa sticker.

for all in tents and porpoises.

That's ok. No biggie.

We passed an IHOP, to which I stated "There it is!"

"By?"

"No, he's straight from what I know."

She asked me if it was present time, I told her it is always present time. She was lost. Felt the need to share

He said, "It's either a boy or a girl"

Me: I am almost sure she knows its her birthday.

I responded, "You could have made it a great Friday if you went to the party."

I told her Loki's alright, but Thor's the pretty one

I walked up to the guy, punched him right in the face.

No one does that to a girl...... not on my watch.

Not on my Watch