A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madazzahatter
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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Proud of my son coming up with this joke.. Doctor: donโ€™t eat too many apples...

Otherwise you will turn into an Iron man

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/d4nish1234
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.

Me: Iron Man dies at the end.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nonbinaryhomosapien
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Who do you call when you want to get rid of wrinkles

Iron man

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/skyhighjams
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Which Avenger is best at getting rid of Wrinkles?

Iron Man :)

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/pizza4greatergood
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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Mom said split the chores, well. . .

"I am Iron Man"

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ebatm3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
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What's the difference between Iron Man and Iron Woman

Iron Man is a superhero whereas Iron Woman is an order.

P.S : Sorry if I offended you

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/VladislavThePoker_
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevorโ€™s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevorsโ€™s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevorโ€™s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasnโ€™t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

โ€œWellโ€ said Jeff, โ€œAs Iโ€™m sure you know the convention comes to town laterโ€.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

โ€œYes of courseโ€ replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ShredderSte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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Which superhero straightens their hair?

Iron Man

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JJDDooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
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The alternate endgame ending

Thanos: I am inevitable. Iron man: Hi inevitable Iโ€™m dad.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/diamondsarefun
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
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โ€œHey Tony, how is it that your shirts are always wrinkle free?โ€

Iron, man.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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I went as a Dad Joke for Halloween.

Iron Man. https://imgur.com/a/3eNDlNZ

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SpiceCreamcicle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
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A List of Puns (and other excuses for good humor)

Me: You got the goods?

Dealer: I have an alloy of iron and carbon for only $1.

Me: My, what a steel!

Guy: Hey, wanna hear my joke?

Boxer: I dunno, man. People always say I ruin their punchline.

Teacher: What are the four components of DNA?

Student: Actually, there are five: Adenine, cytosine, guanine, thymine--

Teacher: Oh? And the fifth one?

Student: I got I got I got I got...

Me (metric): Why does America use the imperial system? It's stupid.

Friend (imperial): Actually, other places use the imperial system.

Me: Which other places?

Friend: The Galactic Empire.

Guy: I hate spam.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

Me: I like sushi.

...

Someone: Son of a gun...

Someone Else: Now you've just pistoled me off!

Okay, I know these are not the greatest puns ever, but this is my first post in this subreddit. Anyway, now here are the explanations:

Joke 1 - An alloy of carbon and iron is popularly referred to as steel, and stainless steel costs $2.41, in which the item receives a 58.51% reduction in cost, which is a mighty bargain, also known as a steal.

Joke 2 - Boxing is a sport in which your only goal is to knock your opponent out through a series of punches. The ending or twist of a joke is commonly referred to as the punchline of said joke.

Joke 3 - Check out Kendrick Lamar's DNA song.

Joke 4 - Troops and personnel of the Galactic Empire from Star Wars are commonly referred to as the Imperials.

Joke 5 - Spam musubi, or just spam, is a type of sushi. On the internet, spam is referred to as the repetition of a specific message, especially when emailing, to annoy or advertise a product/website to someone.

Joke 6 - The phrase, "Son of a gun", is a friendlier alternative to the phrase, "Son of a bitch!" Also, when you annoy someone, that means that you pissed them off, which sounds a bit like "pistoled".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/U2BURR
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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The chemical symbol for Iron is Fe...

... and therefore Iron Man is a Fe Male
Happy International women's day

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheBassMeister
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
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[ENDGAME SPOILERS] I am inevitable

Hi inevitable, I am iron man

I am terribly sorry for this terrible joke

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/OyuncuDedeler
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
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Endgame spoiler Alert.

I couldn't help but think that the final confrontation between Thanos and Tony Stark would be the ultimate dad joke in the universe. Might not sound like much, but this is how that scene played out in my head.

Thanos (about to snap, after the scuffle with Tony) : I am... inevitable.

Tony : Hi inevitable, I'm Iron Man.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ronniewhodreamsalot
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 01 2019
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Dad-joked my own Father while we were driving home.

My Dad and I were watching "Iron Man" on his truck's DVD player while he was driving me home. It cuts to a scene where someone was driving an Audi.

Dad: Ooh, that's a nice car.

Me: Meh, I don't like it.

Dad: You don't like the Audi?

Me: Nope.

Dad: Get out.

Me: You want me to get Audi your car?

Dad: เฒ _เฒ 

The groan he emitted was magnificent.

Edit: Individuals seem to be upset about him occasionally watching while he was driving. I apologize if this offends anyone. I talked to him, and he says he will make sure to only watch when he is stopped/parked. I will make sure he does so. Thank you for the concern!

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TaylorAlexis
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 21 2015
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Little Known Fact: Matthew Broderick almost beat out Robert Downey Jr for the role of Tony Stark

When Downey got the role, they had to change the movie title to Iron Man instead of Ferrous Bueller's Day Off.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/borgenhaust
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Tony Stark builds super-advanced tech and dangerous weapons in order to keep the world safe?

They should call him Iron-y Man.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shadow_Boxer1987
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
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Buddy in class just asked me this in class

If iron man and the silver surfer teamed up, would they be alloys?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Thegerk551
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2015
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A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Clutchdanger11
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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[x-post /r/Jokes] [OC] An old blacksmith was working in his shop...

when there was a terrible accident. The fire in his forge had gone out of control and set fire to the shop. The blacksmith nearly lost his life. He was bedridden for many months and relied on the help of his children and grandchildren to feed him, bathe him, and take care of all of his needs. Eventually he was able to get back on his feet, though his outlook on life had turned quite grim. He was now able to take care of himself, but he had lost much of his strength and dexterity from the injuries he sustained and he was unable to practice his trade. He fell into a deep depression and he spent most of his days sitting at home in front of the fireplace gazing into the flames, longing for the days when his strong hands could grasp a hammer and strike a hot piece of iron, slowly forging it into a beautiful piece of work.

One evening when the old man was sitting in front of the fire, he heard a knock at the door. It was his granddaughter, whom he hadn't seen in many months. She had overheard her father talking to her mother about how her grandfather was slowly slipping away into depression and hopelessness and she wanted to help. To the old man's surprise, she had brought him a puppy. "I thought that since you're always here all by yourself that you might want someone you keep you company," the granddaughter said. The old man's eyes welled up with tears and the little puppy instantly jumped into his arms and began licking the tears from his face. The old man and his granddaughter spent the next several hours sitting on the floor of his house watching the puppy chase around a rubber ball, bouncing, jumping, panting, and licking. In that short time, the old man had made complete turnaround from being sad, lonely, and hopeless, to smiling from ear to ear, full of joy with his new-found companion. As the hours grew late and the puppy grew tired, the granddaughter said "Well Opa, I'm glad you like your puppy, but it's late and I should be heading home. By the way, what are you going to call him?" "Life," said the old man, "because he has given me a new meaning and joy to mine." The granddaughter kissed her grandfather on the cheek, wished him goodnight, and she left.

Many years passed and all the while, the old man and his little dog were inseparable. Everywhere the old man went, Life was always with him whether it was the post office, the grocery store, and even when the old man went to the barber shop, the little dog would sit patiently until the last hair on

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MyOtherAccount_3
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, โ€œDo you want a liftโ€. โ€œNo thanksโ€, they replied, โ€œWeโ€™re Walkersโ€.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all ยฃ5 apart from one that was ยฃ10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said โ€œthatโ€™s maderia cakeโ€.


Bought some cream, it said โ€œstore in a cool placeโ€. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says โ€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the otherโ€. The doctor says โ€œIโ€™m afraid you are a trifle deafโ€.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisiteโ€ฆ โ€“what a pity it isnโ€™t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adamโ€™s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because itโ€™s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When itโ€™s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charleyโ€™s death? BEN and JERRY.


Donโ€™t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you wonโ€™t be able to budge.


You know youโ€™re a mom ifโ€ฆ Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say โ€œOLE!โ€


FORGET LOVEโ€ฆ Iโ€™

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2017
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Science Puns

One of the funniest school puns; science puns

Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK. If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, theyโ€™d be alloys.


The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.


If youโ€™re not part of the solution, youโ€™re part of the precipitate.


A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, โ€œNo, Iโ€™m traveling light.โ€


Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because youโ€™re talking nonsense!


How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? An itsy bitsy book.


What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? Woopea!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


I wish I was adenine, then, I could get paired with U.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have an H2O.โ€ The second one says โ€œI think Iโ€™ll have an H2O tooโ€ โ€” and he died.


A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.


Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


What element is a girlโ€™s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? I like your โ€œstyle.โ€


Iโ€™m reading a great book on anti-gravity. I canโ€™t put it down.


I have a new theory on inertia but it doesnโ€™t seem to be gaining momentum.


Why canโ€™t atheists solve exponential equations? Because they donโ€™t believe in higher powers.


Schrodingerโ€™s cat walks into a bar. And doesnโ€™t.


Do you know the name Pavlov? It rings a bell.


What does a subatomic duck say? Quark!


A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a beer. Bartender replies โ€œFor you, no chargeโ€.


Two atoms are walking along. One of them says: โ€œOh, no, I think I lost an electron.โ€ โ€œAre you sure?โ€

โ€œYe

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 04 2017
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Chemistry Puns

Funny collection of chemistry puns

What do you get when you mix sulfur, tungsten, and silver? SWAG


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


What do you call a tooth in a glass of water? A one molar solution.


How do Sulfur and Oxygen communicate? A sulfone


What do you call Iron blowing in the wind? Febreeze.


Why do chemists call helium, curium, and barium the healing elements? Because if you canโ€™t helium or curium, you barium!


Why did the noble gas cry? Because all his friends argon.


Why did the acid go to the gym? To become a buffer solution!


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Why does hamburger have lower energy than steak? Because itโ€™s in the ground state.


How many moles are in a guacamole? Avocadoโ€™s number.


If H2O is the formula for water, what is the formula for ice? H2O cubed.


What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A ferrous wheel.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


What element is a girlโ€™s future best friend? Carbon.


I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why can you never trust atoms? They make up everything!


Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? Heโ€™s 0K now.


What do you do with a dead chemists? Barium


What animal is made up of calcium, nickel and neon? A CaNiNe


What did the chemist snack on during lunch? A โ€˜gramโ€™ cracker.


What would you call a clown in jail? Silicon (Silly Con)


What weapon can you make from the elements potassium, nickel and iron? A KNiFe.


How did carbon propose to Hydrogen? With a โ€œcarbonkneelโ€


What did one titration tell the other? Letโ€™s meet at the endpoint.


How can you spot a chemist in the restroom? They wash their hands before they go.


Why are chemists great for solving problems? They have all the solutions.


Anyone know any jokes about sodium? Na


Why do chemistry professors like to teach about ammonia? Because itโ€™s basic material.


Did you hear about the chemist who was reading a book about helium? He just could not put it down


Why do chemistry professor like to

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
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At the movies a couple of years ago..

Me and my dad went to see iron man 2 (I think?).. I'm pretty sure this is the one with the scene of Thor's hammer at the end of the credits. Well anyway, right after that after-credits scene my dad stands up, stretches, and announces "man that scene has me thor all over!"

Nobody laughed except my father, who continued to laugh all the way out to the parking lot.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThickPotato
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 06 2014
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funniest joke in the world

Not only has my dad told ME this joke a million times, he tells it to every new person he meets. All of them. Best occurrence was the first time I'd brought a new girlfriend to dinner.

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave.

Key him cracking up and my girlfriend going (in what I suppose is an ironically placed dad joke), how did your son end up not funny? Did someone wave at you when you were carrying him?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/torerador
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 01 2013
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The first of what I'm sure are to be many front-page worthy posts... Such are the jokes of my dad.

Ok so my Dad was helping me move into my new uni accommodation last month and in the process we had to carry a lot of heavy boxes up my rather steep stairs.

Understandably, being a man in his 50's, he was a little bit worn out after lugging several metre-by-metre crates up to my room, generally full of heavy electrical equipment and books. After letting out a deep sigh he exhaled - 'Crikey, this is like the Great Stairs Crisis of 1965!'.

To my knowledge, or indeed to anyone else's knowledge (including my dad's), so such crisis ever occurred. I just hope he didn't hear my housemate sniggering in his room downstairs*; he does love a good dad joke.

*Ironically I've noticed that laughing at Dad jokes tends to make said Dad more depressed than when you don't, since they're usually fully aware of how bad their joke is and laughing at it only serves to remind them of the fact that people are actually paying attention to the regrettable nonsense which often leaves their mouths.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PantuTheDog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 08 2013
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I. Am. Inevitable.

Hi, Inevitable, I am Iron Man.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrSquigles
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2019
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Iโ€™m inevitable

Hi inevitable! Iโ€™m iron man

snap

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Fear-Surprise-And
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 31 2019
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