A Vacc-scene
she knew that her viewpoint sucked, and she had no intention of making a vac scene
Text Dad "Ill be late coming back from lunch, taking (daughters name) for shots" He responds "don't you think she's too young to be doing shots?"
He got herd immunity hanging around the reindeer
...everyone gets it.
At least to a certain degree.
(first post here. thought of this while making a hot pocket)
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Because they have little antibodies.
After two months of lockdown, inactivity and junk food, I have developed an antibody myself.
They said it's because of their aunt-ey bodies.
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released. Now we know WHO let the dogs out.
My deaf friend: heard immunity
He thinks he has diplomatic immunity.
..is worth a shot.
I'm a mother so it's probably why, but my poor attempt at dad jokes always backfire.
An example from today:
Son: I'm thirsty!
Me: Hi thirsty, I'm mummy!
Son: Hi thirsty, I'm [son's name]!
Godamn 3 year olds not understanding great humour!
because of their im-moo-nity.
It’s the weekend immune system.
They call themselves the gang-lions.
They have herd immunity.
We're all getting sick of them
They have the hoard immunity.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
Each member in our family split up the amount of eggs so that we'd get 6 to dye each, two dozen. At the end of the dying session, my sister looks over at my dad's 6 eggs and we see he's got one white egg left. My sister wants an extra egg if he's not going to use it and asks if she can dye the egg. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and said he dyed all of his eggs, there isn't one left. This banter goes on for about 5 or 6 minutes with all of us insisting he has a leftover egg to dye. Finally, he looks down and says "oh do you mean this one?" Pointing to the white egg. We all let out an exasperated "YES!" He turns to is all, with the big old dad smirk on his face and says, oh no that one's done, I put that one in the white dye. groans all around.
So one of my childhood friends made a Facebook status about hanging out with her parents. I don't think she even realizes how much of a gem her dad is.
Mom: "So another person in my graduating class died..."
Me: "Oh no..."
Mom: "Yeah so I guess it's all starting for me."
Me: "Oh my gosh haha stop."
Mom: "But, you know, a lot of people were dead at my 25th reunion."
Dad: "Wow... it must've smelled..."
Me: lololololol
Mom: ".... Wait, what?"
He has diplomatic immunity.
I said, Good news. Our son is immune to pear pressure.
Because it’s no longer auto immune.
(Told to my by my actual dad. The screenshot of his text got removed from /r/funny :( )
Newscaster: ...and in health news, a study showed that frequent orgasms help support immunity....
Mom: Honey, that must be why you’re never sick (winks)
Dad: Yeah, that’s because I’m self-medicated!
So I was getting ready to take a trip to Africa and needed some immunizations before leaving. My dad and I get to the city health center, a two story building, and ask the security person how to get to the office we're looking for. We chat about the trip and all that, and she points us to the elevator. We get on, and she calls out "have a great trip!" As the doors are closing my dad says back
"What? We're just going to the second floor!" Thanks dad.
Because they have tiny antibodies!
I dropped this joke on an unsuspecting lecture hall after an hour's worth of lecture about immune assays. The lecturer even repeated the joke and the punchline into her mic so the whole thing is recorded. I've never heard so many people groan in unison, about 150.
Me: "They think they've ruled out cancer, and they're leaning towards it being an auto-immune disease."
Him: "Well, it sucks that you won't be able to drive anymore."
It took me a second to get it before the groans began.
This is kind of a chicken/egg dillema for me. Will a new crop of dads mark the beginning of a new type of dad joke or is the very nature of the dad joke immune to generational shifts?
I was getting ready to go out, and I noticed I was out of pomade. So I go downstairs and talk to my parents so that next time they go grocery shopping, they can get me some more.
Me: Mom! I ran out of pomade, can you get me some more?
Dad: Why? What happened to the one we got you?
Me: Dad, that one ran out!!!
Dad: So why didn't you catch it?!?!?!?!?
My dad is pretty well known for his repitoire of dad-jokes and normally I'm pretty immune to them, but this one killed me for some reason.
I said it must be my weekend immune system
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Because I have a weekend immune system
I must have a weekend immune system...
I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."
They have herd immunity.
