My vaccine dad joke failed
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︎ Jan 02 2021
My wife asked, βIf someoneβs body just isnβt fighting the virus, would getting the vaccine help?β
I told her I think itβs worth a shot
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︎ Dec 19 2020
I have faith in Pfizer and its Covid vaccine, because they also make Viagra.
If Pfizer can raise the dead, it can save the living.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Donβt expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.
I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
Me, to my wife: They said that the Covid vaccines are safe and has no side effects.
My wife: Who did?
Me: Yep.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
I heard Frozen University is banning anyone who got the COVID vaccine from returning for the spring quarter
I guess if you get vaccinated you wonβt be headed to the ICU.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
The Covid-19 vaccine should be tested on politicians first...
If they survive, the vaccine is safe.
If they don't, the country is safe.
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︎ Nov 16 2020
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
With all the talk of the pandemic and vaccines recently, I decided to consult a micro-biologist.
I thought they'd be smaller.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
Dolly Parton partially funded Moderna's COVID Vaccine.
It comes in two very large dosey-doses.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
You know what it's called when you hurry to develop a vaccine?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
Why did the Russian vaccine cross the road?
To get to the other side effects.
~~ brazenly stolen from Alexa with my own twist.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
When the first company develops the Coronavirus vaccine we should all proclaim: "Covidatulations"
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Russian COVID-19 Vaccine
Quick PSA: I had the Russian Covid19 vaccination yesterday and can tell you there are absolutely no negative sideffski efectovski secundariosvki ΠΡΠΎ ΠΌΠΎΠΆΠ΅Ρ ΡΡΠΎ ΠΏΡΠΎΡΠΈΡΠ°ΡΡ, ΡΡΠΎ ΡΡΠΎΠ΄Π»ΠΈΠ²ΡΠΉ ΠΏΠ°ΡΠ΅Π½Ρ. ΠΠ±ΠΎΠΆΠ°Ρ ΠΠ»Π°Π΄ΠΈΠΌΠΈΡΠ° ΠΡΡΠΈΠ½Π°!
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︎ Aug 15 2020
I created a vaccine for apathy,
unfortunately no one seems interested.
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︎ Sep 27 2020
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I heard the government is going to put chips inside people with Covid vaccines...
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︎ Sep 23 2020
What type of person speeds up vaccine development?
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︎ Aug 12 2020
I heard a country finally has a Corona vaccine...
I think theyβre Russian it. The leader vaccinated his daughter, I guess heβs Putin her life at stake.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
What did Russian do after they made the vaccine ?
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Coronavirus vaccine
Heard Russia has the vaccine to Coronavirus. I'm probably not Putin that into my body.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
My dad was telling me about his doctorβs appointment today. He needed to get some vaccines, but because of Covid he would have to go to the office and they would give them to him in his car.
He said he was going to be involved in a drive by shooting.
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︎ Sep 16 2020
How did they develop the covid vaccine so quickly?
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︎ Aug 14 2020
My doctor asked if I wanted to test a coronavirus vaccine.
I figure it's worth a shot.
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︎ May 11 2020
Hey kids! I went back in time and formed a British 80s pop group called The Vaccine!
And now The Cure is no longer necessary!
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︎ May 23 2020
What do you call doctors who make vaccines for the flu?
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︎ Feb 13 2020
Why do anti vaxxers hate vaccine jokes?
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︎ Oct 20 2019
I hear there's a new COVID-19 vaccine delivered via an audio interface as music.
It is hoped that this will lead to heard immunity.
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︎ Mar 15 2020
Using vaccines is...
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︎ Mar 14 2020
There's now a vaccine to make you better at geometry.
It's called Pythagorean Serum.
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︎ Jan 08 2020
Even though Antarctica has 0 infected with Covid-19, they're believed to be among the candidates to win the race for a vaccine
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︎ Mar 24 2020
The anti-vaccine movement is really trying to go viral.
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︎ Oct 30 2019
How are dad jokes and anti-vaccine kids similar?
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︎ Dec 07 2018
How are anti vaccine kids similar to Donald trump?
They both serve 4 years and then never come back.
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︎ Aug 22 2019
I can't imagine the stress put on the workers in trying to figure out the newest flu vaccine...
It probably puts a strain on the staff.
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︎ May 10 2019
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception
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︎ Oct 25 2017
The vaccine should be tested on politicians first
If they survive the vaccine is safe but if they don't the country is safe
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︎ Oct 22 2020
A bit nervous, but yesterday I volunteered for the COVID-19 vaccine trials.
The vaccine is one that was created in Russia. I received my first shot this morning at 7:00 am, and I wanted to let you all know that itβs completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 28 2020
This week I volunteered for the Russian developed Covid-19 vaccine...
I received my first shot yesterday at 4:00 pm, and I wanted to let you all know that itβs completely safe, with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and that I feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΞΏΜ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
Whatβs the different between dad jokes and anti-vaccine kids?
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︎ Dec 05 2018
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