I hope my friends know that for every horrible pun I inflict on them there's a minimum of 8 I decided to keep to myself.
They should be greightful.
Horrible pun list
Did you hear about that black hole?
Nvm. It doesn't matter anyway
This is a pretty OAKay sentence, it may need some SPRUCEing up tho. Dang I need to start branching out with this stuff
A horrible, horrible pun
Two Asian people named Wong are expecting a child. They go to the hospital, and the delivery goes perfectly. But there's a small problem. The newborn is Caucasian. Mrs. Wong asks the doctor, " Why is my child like this?" The doctor says, " Well, ma'am, two Wongs make a white."
/r/puns I need your help. My best friend is having a baby girl named Zoe and I need a horrible pun name for his baby blog.
I've been reading so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently, that I've made a firm new year's resolution..
Do you know how Thanos came up with his horrible plans?
Why do ballerinas make horrible climbers?
They always need a leg up.
I went to a new restaurant and it was horrible.
My daughter had a horrible peak-a-boo accident
Why do anarchists drink horrible tea?
Because proper tea is theft.
I've been told my baking skills are horrible.
I try not to cake it personally.
Q: Why would Eminem make a horrible bartender?
A: Whenever you try and order a round he says, “You only get one shot.”
Having gay parents must be horrible
You either get twice the amount of dad jokes or you get stuck in an infinite loop of "go ask your mom."
Edit: On another Sub someone called me a homophobe. I want to say I'm not a homophobe it was simply a light hearted joke. I'm gay myself and wouldn't want to create hate or controversy. So sorry if I offended anyone.
Edit 2: Thanks for giving me my first award.
Edit 3: if you have heard it else where then fine Like this one guy in the comments said "I’ve seen it a few times but no doubt many people haven’t. No reason a good joke can’t be posted bc someone’s posted it in the past."
Edit 4: making too many edits but thanks for the gold kind stranger (And all of them means alot)
Why do people become more and more horrible as they grow taller?
I had a horrible nightmare about earthquakes last night
I'm feeling horrible that I pulled into the sausage store
I took a turn for the wurst
Did you guys hear about the guy in that horrible car accident? Lost his left leg and left arm
Don’t worry, he’s all right now.
My dog ate an entire box of crayons by himself and got a horrible stomach ache.
My coffee maker said some really horrible things about me while it was brewing my coffee.
That’s the last time I have a dark roast.
I hate insomnia, it's a horrible condition
I'm losing sleep over it.
On the plus side, it's only 3 more sleeps until Christmas
The world has always been a horrible place
We just all have 20/20 vision to witness it this year.
This stuff is horrible for you, full of...
It's my dream to become the CEO of Subway, if for no other reason than to get rid of the horrible job title "Sandwich Artist."
I just feel like they need a more accurate job title, like Sub Humans.
Why are pirates horrible people?
Because they used to sinbad
Had a horrible experience dining out last night. The waiter made us eat our spaghetti with a spoon.
I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.
My door to door fruit delivery business failed terribly because of my horrible interpersonal skills.
I was driving people bananas.
A sweet old man who stops by to chat when he goes out for a walk told us this joke. (His wife had said "Don't tell anyone your silly joke... It's horrible.")
Old Man : "Never fall in love with a tennis professional."
Us : "Why Not?"
Old Man : "Because love means nothing to them."
People always say my chiropractor is a horrible person
But I think he's a cracking guy
I had a horrible nightmare that my Netflix, Hulu, and Amazon Prime service all got interrupted. .
Thank goodness it was only a bad stream
This is absolutely horrible
Why did the shower head do drugs
peer PRESSURE
So, I ate this chess set. It was horrible. I took it back to the shop.
I said "This is stale, mate."
He said "Are you sure?"
I said "Check, mate".
I’ve been working on my horrible sense of direction lately
I believe that’ll be a step in the left direction.
I live in a really horrible nasty village in between D Vil and F Vil
Dad told a horrible one at a restaurant
We were looking at the menu's ( we were at the handmade burger co a restaurant in the Uk) when he said
Him: oh look there are Cajun burgers they must be for special events
I looked at him kind of confused not realising the horrible punch line coming
Him: you know for special oc-Cajuns
Me and my mother just groaned It really was horrible.
Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...
...he was forced to take out a restraining order.
My dad was in a horrible accident yesterday and lost the entire left side of his body
In a horrible accident, astronauts were killed when they tried to make first contact with a sentient gas cloud by telling it bad puns.
It was no laughing matter.
Did you hear that every member of Ace of Base died in a horrible car accident?
They didn’t see the sign.
Bob got into a horrible accident and had to have his legs amputated below the ankles.
The suffered the agony of de-feet.
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