I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
She said "Why are you holding that ugly great bee?" and I said "It's not ugly to me"
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
What’s ugly, stupid and delicious
I wish i could be ugly for one day
‘cause being it everyday is just really sad.
What do you call an ugly photo of Angelina Jolie's ex-husband?
Yesterday I told someone that she was as ugly and as bad as Trump...
You could say I pulled my Trump card
Dad, I feel fat and ugly... Give me a compliment...
Dad: You have good eyesight !
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.
They’re my last re-shorts!
I saw a really ugly painting in the museum
turns out, it was a mirror.
People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
Then they call me ugly and poor
Someone named NaCl just told me I was ugly
I got a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
The teacher said, "you're ugly and you breath stinks like ass" as he changed my exam grade from A to D.
That was an awfully rude re-mark.
Things are gonna get ugly
Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?
Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
Have you seen the clown that hides from ugly people?
How to call someone both pretty and ugly?
I realised I was ugly when ...
the Uber driver that dropped me off got a fine for littering
A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??
Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!
"You wanna know something? You are really really ugly," I said to the pack of bin bags.
"Have you lost your mind?" asked the woman next to me.
"No," I said, "Look on the label. It says they're degradable."
Doctor: Here's your x-ray. Me : I look ugly in this one. Please delete this take one more .
Today I went to this diner and my Lord, I was served by this incredibly ugly waitress...
Paisley is such an ugly pattern
I am starting to suspect that people think I’m ugly
Anytime there is a group picture, they always hand me the camera.
Step dad's ugly Christmas sweater
http://imgur.com/2qEvhzq.jpg
By itself this hand is ugly. But add another hand and now it's...
Pass me the ugly.
We are from Quebec so we speak french.
It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)
''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.
''Ben, le laid est just là! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.
He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..
Voldemort is very ugly...
But he nose that already, so you don't have to tell him.
Everyone is wearing ugly Christmas sweaters,
sweater you like it or not.
If I had one wish, I would wish to be ugly for one day
because being ugly everyday sucks.
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
I wish I was ugly for a day.
Because being ugly every day is killing me.
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
Then they call me Ugly and Poor
Woman used to call me ugly until they looked at my money...
Now they call me ugly and poor
Women usually call me ugly until they find out how much money I make...
Then they call me poor and ugly.
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
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