My wife's so ugly....
The proctologist stuck his finger in her mouth.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 24 2021
I was standing in front of the bedroom mirror looking myself over, rather unhappy with what I saw. I told my wife "I feel horrible. I look fat. I'm ugly. When did my hair start retreating like this? When did this stretch mark show up? I could use a compliment honey, my self esteem is in the dumps."
She looked at me and replied "your eyesight is damn near perfect."
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 12 2021
I just told my neighbor, Mr. Claimer he was ugly, but not to get mad.
π︎ 5
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I was so ugly as a baby
when my mum breast fed me, she used to shut her eyes and think of other babies.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 02 2021
When I was a kid, I was so ugly, my mother took me everywhere....
....just so, she wouldn't have to kiss me goodbye.
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 11 2021
It doesn't matter if you're beautiful or ugly because.....
At the end of the day it's evening
π︎ 67
π
︎ Nov 17 2020
She said "Why are you holding that ugly great bee?" and I said "It's not ugly to me"
Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
π︎ 87
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︎ Oct 15 2020
I personally think that beekeeper suits are ugly as hell, but hey...
Beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
π︎ 394
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
π︎ 355
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
Whatβs ugly, stupid and delicious
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
I wish i could be ugly for one day
βcause being it everyday is just really sad.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Aug 04 2020
What do you call an ugly photo of Angelina Jolie's ex-husband?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Aug 29 2020
Dad, I feel fat and ugly... Give me a compliment...
Dad: You have good eyesight !
π︎ 183
π
︎ Feb 03 2020
I have an ugly, tight pair of shorts that I only wear when every other pair is dirty.
Theyβre my last re-shorts!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
People only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
Then they call me ugly and poor
π︎ 29
π
︎ Apr 11 2020
I saw a really ugly painting in the museum
turns out, it was a mirror.
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 25 2020
Someone named NaCl just told me I was ugly
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
I got a really ugly looking calculator for Christmas.
But it is what is on the inside that counts.
π︎ 679
π
︎ Dec 18 2018
The teacher said, "you're ugly and you breath stinks like ass" as he changed my exam grade from A to D.
That was an awfully rude re-mark.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 09 2020
Things are gonna get ugly
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jun 19 2019
Dad: Want to see a magic trick. Me: Sure dad... Dad: That pear is so ugly. Me: What, how is that a magic trick?
Dad: You know, dis-a-pear! Magic!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Girlfriend: "Am I pretty or ugly?"
Boyfriend: "You're both."
Girlfriend: "What do you mean?"
Boyfriend: "You're pretty ugly."
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 08 2018
Have you seen the clown that hides from ugly people?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 21 2018
How to call someone both pretty and ugly?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Feb 19 2019
I realised I was ugly when ...
the Uber driver that dropped me off got a fine for littering
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
A mom brings her baby to the doctor who says - wow, your baby is beautiful ! She says - thanks, but I'm sure you say that to every mom. He says - no I don't. She asks - what do you say if the baby is ugly??
Well, the doc says, I look at the baby and then I look at the mom and say - your baby looks just like you!
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 20 2018
"You wanna know something? You are really really ugly," I said to the pack of bin bags.
"Have you lost your mind?" asked the woman next to me.
"No," I said, "Look on the label. It says they're degradable."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 02 2018
Doctor: Here's your x-ray. Me : I look ugly in this one. Please delete this take one more .
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 14 2018
Paisley is such an ugly pattern
π︎ 96
π
︎ Sep 03 2014
Today I went to this diner and my Lord, I was served by this incredibly ugly waitress...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 05 2018
I am starting to suspect that people think Iβm ugly
Anytime there is a group picture, they always hand me the camera.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 17 2018
π︎ 44
π
︎ Oct 20 2014
Step dad's ugly Christmas sweater
http://imgur.com/2qEvhzq.jpg
π︎ 34
π
︎ Dec 13 2015
By itself this hand is ugly. But add another hand and now it's...
π︎ 15
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︎ Jun 22 2017
Pass me the ugly.
We are from Quebec so we speak french.
It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)
''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.
''Ben, le laid est just lΓ ! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.
He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 02 2015
If I had one wish, I would wish to be ugly for one day
because being ugly everyday sucks.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 16 2019
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.
Then they call me ugly and poor.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
π︎ 24
π
︎ Sep 25 2019
I wish I was ugly for a day.
Because being ugly every day is killing me.
π︎ 346
π
︎ Feb 04 2018
Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make
Then they call me Ugly and Poor
π︎ 61
π
︎ Dec 27 2018
Woman used to call me ugly until they looked at my money...
Now they call me ugly and poor
π︎ 27
π
︎ Apr 26 2018
Women usually call me ugly until they find out how much money I make...
Then they call me poor and ugly.
π︎ 159
π
︎ Mar 25 2017
What do you call an ugly dinosaur?
π︎ 49
π
︎ Jun 10 2015
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