Honorary Puns

He's constantly preventing murders

Her: Did you know that the pool on the titanic is still full of water?

Me: Welcome to the club!

What's green and lets you do stuff?

Permit the Frog.

I looked at my wife earlier and said, "I don't know about you, but I'm hungry." My four year old daughter replied, "Nice to meet you, Hungry!"

This just happened. My cousin was talking about a girl in her class who decided not to walk during their graduation. My aunt asked her what the girl's name was. When my cousin said "her name is Eileen or something" my aunt replied with "Oh, the girl with one leg?" She got a lot of groans.

There are more geese on that side.

DracEULA.

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

The guy I'm dating's last name is Feliz.

Over the holidays at his family's New Years party his little brother asked his girlfriend to marry him. Her response? Yes! It would make me happy.

Feliz is Spanish for happy. He is literally making her happy. I was rolling. I think everyone else may have heard variations of the joke too many times cause all they did was groan but I definitely think she's a honorary dad.

Once we got home, I told my fiance that the last two countries we went through made us honorary citizens.

She looked at me with confusion as we drove the whole way and never left the country.

I smiled as I told her while we were on the way we were Russian, and once we got home we were Finnish.

She hit me. I just laughed.

We're sitting here laughing our asses off at Dad jokes and we were wishing we could make quality jokes when my cat was sticking his head into a mcdonalds sack. We laughed and my cat stuck his head out and looked at us. My buddy turns to me and says "Well I guess the cat's out of the bag." He is an honorary dad to me now.