My friend Ty came first in the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
I’ve started an organization that grants scholarships to former armed services individuals that want to become animal doctors. Grantees are awarded based on an interview process.
I call it “Best bets for vetting vets for vets”
What is the most coveted architectural prize awarded to churches with no steeple?
When are the dad joke medals awarded?
Did you hear about the college president who awarded a PhD to her own husband?
She really gave him the third degree.
The first person to come up with a knock knock joke, should've been awarded...
Was awarded a glare from my wife this morning
When making her morning coffee, she was telling me all about this new vanilla creamer in a foaming spray can she bought last night. I quickly identified my prey and pounced.
"Well... when you try it, I hope you like it a latte."
What happens when an Earl is awarded an OBE?
What award should the person get who invented knock knock jokes?
I once knew a scarecrow that won an award
for outstanding achievements in his field.
I would cheat the Golden Globes. Hell, I would even manipulate the Academy Awards. But I would NEVER
2020 and 2021 were fighting for the "Worst Year Ever" award.
They tried to give my cat an award for his butt
You hear about the scarecrow who won a major award?
Apparently, he was out standing in his field.
And the best neckwear award goes to......
Kinder Person Award goes to...
Why did the scarecrow win so many awards?
Because was out standing in his field.
I won the "Most Secretive Guy" award in our office today.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me
My vaccine dad joke failed
A buddy of mine named his dog “5 Miles” so he could tell people he walked 5 miles
But today he ran over 5 Miles
I was anxiously waiting to hear the result of the Worst Bad Habit Awards
Back in high school my Shakespeare Club have me an award
I was voted most likely To.Be
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?
Ham boogers.
I know, I know, snot funny.
-Edit-
Thanks for the awards guys! First silver! :-D
What do you win when you get a Darwin Award?
Why was the cow award a blue ribbon?
The cow was out standing in his field.
Why don’t the Golden Globe awards go to real people?
Because all the winners are paid actors.
Son: What does bargain mean?
Dad: Well, it means a great deal, actually…
Can anybody give me some advice to help me removing ice from my windshield? I just tried with a discount card I had In my pocket
Why did the Cows return to the marijuana field?
It was the pot calling the cattle back.
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
I was expecting this to go noticed like most of my other posts. You peeps rock!
Coronavirus is now all over the world
But China got it right off the bat.
Someone just robbed the local wig store
The police are combing the area
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
What do you call an award-winning potato snack?
Did you know Hollywood awards shows aren't real?
It's just a bunch of paid actors and actresses in the audience.
People are saying you get free awards for upvoting.
My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way
Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?
(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)
Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.
I keep winning the "Laziest Member" award at my gym.
Couldn't understand why my dog was totally motionless....
Then I realised, it was on paws.
*Ted receiving the Best Dentist award at the Dentist award show*
This award is my crowning achievement but this is the only plaque that’s allowed in my house.
What do you call it when someone bellow the age of 18 has a problem
My friend Ty won the Beijing marathon, but wasn’t awarded a gold medal.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
Why did the scarecrow win an award?
because he was out-standing in his field
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?"
"Because he was outstanding in his field."
Why did the scarecrow get an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field
"Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was outstanding in his field."
Did you hear about that scarecrow that won an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
What did the scarecrow win an award for?
He was outstanding in his field!
People are saying I'll get free reddit awards for upvoting...
Why did the scarecrow get an award?
Because he was “outstanding” in his field.
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