Distinguished Puns

One was "Bald E" and the other was "Hair E".

Critics are concerned about the use of artificial Swedeners.

They bug me in ways I can't put into words

By paying attention to whether it sees you later, or in a while

...especially since most of the time they are in de-skies.

There is a vas deferens

With a fire distinguisher.

My therapist: Yes, I see that. Stop calling me Diary.

By the Bark.

Drop them in a glass of water.

If it sinks, it's a girl ant.

If it floats.. It's a boy-ant.

It was a gloomy day for a funeral. The widow weeped quietly in the front row. A distinguished gentleman approached her and said "Ma'am, I'm so sorry for your loss. Would you mind if I said a word?" "Please do", she replied. He stands, straightens his tie, and says "Plethora." Then he sits down. "Thank you," she said.

"That means a lot."

The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.

Me: knock knock.
Her: who's there?
Me: Mary.
Her: Mary who?
Me: Marry Me.

Edit: she did say yes

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

In our groups, we were assigned to burn certain mystery elements, and figure out which element they were based on the color of the flame. When we were done, I told my group that we had just become Fire Distinguishers.

it’s been difficult to distinguish between gelt and guilt

He survives through to the 24th century and gets his own ship. He somehow runs afoul of a certain Bajoran captain who used to be a distinguished ensign on the Enterprise, under Captain Picard.

The movie then becomes about their conflict. The response from the studio wasn't kind. They said I should abort the idea. They said it would be too controversial to make a movie about Ro v. Wade.

I only had the recourses to put out one. Unfortunately I just couldn't distinguish.

bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

One sees you later and the other after a while.

by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while

By paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

sees you later or in a while.

Bug me in ways I cannot put into words.

by paying attention to whether the animal sees you later or in awhile.

it took me a sec..

Does he see you later or in a while ?

One will see you later, the other will see you in a while.

"I'll have H2O," says the 1st. "I'll have H2O, too," says the 2nd. The bartender gives them both water because he is able to distinguish the boundary tones that dictate the grammatical function of homonyms in coda position, as well as pragmatic context.