There's a matchstick climbing up the hill who gets really tired and exhausted.
He sees a hedgehog on the top of the hill and says, "if only I had known there was a bus, I would have taken the bus."
He said it has to be stopped, it's a matter of principal
I just heard about 20,000 leagues under the C!
All the seats were already taken.
...but then my life would be meetingless.
There was no zoom at the inn.
But Samsung anyway.
He said no, this is light.
They were all mediums.
In a press conference he said “I am not 0K”
He took part.
It’s probably a good thing considering they’re both well-known carriers.
I pre-tended.
We hope to have more than 1 person show up this year.
I put my hand up and answered, "My car."
Speaker: “I'm glad you could all make it”
Whole crowd: in unison “Hi glad you could all make it, We're dad”
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
It was a polynomial function
It was a red hearring, so I blue myself for nothing.
Tomorrow they will give a special press conference
A Sub-woofer
When they go to lunch during the conference, they eat from the “Buffett Buffet.”
Things were going well at the dad jokes conference.
Then someone spilled a can of beans.
DONALD DUCK!!!
All we got for lunch was chips.
At the press conference, when they ask me what the team name is, I’ll say, “it’s not the Heat. It’s the Humidity.”
(Credit to Brian Regan)
Really enjoyed being the quinoa speaker.
But I was just projecting.
And out next speaker up is Sony.
Update: Thanks for all your applications! Give /u/parin89 and I a few days to take a look and confer!
(if you haven't put your application in yet, you've still got time)
-
Greetings /r/dadjokes subscribers,
Years have passed since this sub started up, and there are now literally millions of you. Whoa.
Two million people is just two many two handle for two moderators. Especially these days, when both /u/parin89 and I have two many other responsibilities and a whole lot less time. I'm 200% sure most of you would agree that more mods are needed.
So we're looking for 5 more moderators to get involved. If you're keen to apply, read the rest of this post and answer the three questions in your comment response.
Answer these 3 questions in your reply:
- How would you describe a dad joke?
- Do you currently moderate any other subreddits? If yes, which ones.
- You see a post that is not breaking the rules or reddit's posting guidelines, but is generally disliked by the community. What do you do?
Only apply if:
- You're a reasonable, fair-minded and patient human
- You're in it to keep this community a happy, friendly and safe place for other humans
- You've got previous mod experience from a decent sized community (let's say... 5k+)
- You're cool with the first few months being a trial run
- You understand that while we could use more active moderation, and would benefit from a few more rules, one of the things that makes this community great is that it's pretty open (after all, dad jokes repeat a lot and not every "repost" is necessarily an opportunistic attempt to game karma)
We'd benefit from a few practical things as well, it would be great if:
- You live in a timezone that covers off either the USA, the UK, Australia (we'd like a spread)
- You've got some automod experience
- You've got some sub-customisation experience
Don't apply if:
- You're ready to come out swinging with a power tripping ban hammer
- You're more concerned about Internet points than real people
We'll leave this stickied for a week and then come back to message a few people and make some selections.
I swear I never met herbivore.
I'm having a parent-teacher conference.
It was pundemonium.
"This is a fluid situation, obviously..."
context: http://www.kcra.com/article/evacuation-orders-issued-for-low-levels-of-oroville/8735215
Teacher: He's very smart and well behaved! Dad: I guess we'll keep him.
We're at a research conference this week, and my professor was the session chair. He started out with "we all know that H2O is water, but - and I want you to really think about this - what is H2O4?" He then shows a diagram of the molecule for us all to ponder. After a minute he says, "so, what is H2O4? For drinking, bathing, washing up..." Cue a room full of groans and chuckles.
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
Speaker: I'm glad you could all make it
Whole crowd: in unison hi glad you could all make it We're dad
Speaker: Puts up a pic of ID on big screen showing legal name is "glad you could all make it"
entire conference loses their shit
