Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?

If you pee something, pay something.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fubo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
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Watching the Homeland on tv with my mom and her boyfriend

Mom's boyfriend: "Do you mind if we watch this?"

Mom: "What is it?"

BF: "Season two of Homeland recap, Homeland: Debrief."

Mom: "Sure."

BF: "Sounds like what I do before each shower... debrief."

Sighs from around the room with a faint chuckle

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SillyGoosey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2014
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Why does Homelander ("superhero") have to be careful not to jostle his milk?

He knows milkshakes bring The Boys to the yard.

Hopefully you're familiar with the comic/show

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 683
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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The National Security Agency has intercepted a series of credible threats against Santa.

They have asked for help from the Department of Ho Ho Homeland security.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drwheatie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2018
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Reverse dad joke

After the Homeland finale:

Dad(whose name is Klif): I'm tired of all these cliffhangers!

Me: So I guess you could say... You're really hung up about them?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groovy_ash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2013
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