Grammar got run over by a reindeer.
Me: Kenya be less harsh?
They are just trying to save face.
It's a non-prophet organization
Give it a good lamb basting.
She had con-troll issues.
I hope momjokes are welcome
When I was a teenager my aunt and her husband had to have their house fumigated and needed a place to stay for a weekend. My parents offered them my room and arranged a sleepover for me at my nephew's. As I was leaving the house I cheekily turn back and say to them : don't do anything in there I wouldn't do!
To which my mom promptly replied : honey, they're not going to clean your room
It's an a choired taste
I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
I thought that was a bit harsh so I only gave it a dead arm.
"Are you excited to color eggs?"
"I guess you could say I was egg-cited! Wah-wah-WAAAAAH!"
If only I could remember where I Reddit. (Please don’t judge too harshly this is my first dad joke and my first post on a big subreddit)
Harsh Butt Fair.
The man asks, “What kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?” He replies, “Neither. He’s an upsetter and a disappointer.”
Me: “This thing is going to be huge.”
Son: “Why? It’s only three floors high.”
Me: “Look at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”
Son: “Geez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”
So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...
Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"
lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly
His friend saw and laughed. Then he asked him; "Why do You suppose they call it harsh parental love?"
He replied; "I dunno fam beats me"
Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!
Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!
What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.
Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.
What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.
If you didnt have feet, would you wear socks?
No
Why bother with a bra then?
My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.
"Hit the shit outta that one!"
I still chuckle when I think about it.
I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.
But don't take it too harshly, it's just critical mass.
After asking the waiter for some salt, he turned to me and said:
"Was that too harsh? I didn't want to asSALT him."
He then chuckled proudly to himself.
[Discussing my plans to progressively steal more & more of my old Lego from my parents place]
Me: So this stuff I took was mostly technic pieces coz my nephew is way to young to understand how it all works
Her: But it's still harsh to be taking it - what about when he does become old enough for it?
Me: This is my plan for the future & the Lego which will go to our own children eventually... Call it... my legocy!!
[Wife makes one of the loudest dad joke groans I've ever heard]
A man and his wife enter a bakery to buy some bread. Now these are harsh economic times, and the man says to his wife, "I'm not sure if I want to spend my hard earned money on this bread because I don't know who makes it. I don't know whose hands have been on it, you know?", and his wife replies, "But honey, the baker is our neighbor, Alfonso. He kneads the dough."
A harsh thing to do, I know, but by the end of the night they don't have any tips.
