At first I thought Santa was being too harsh when criticizing Rudolph's writing skills. But then I read the essay myself and discovered Santa was right:

Grammar got run over by a reindeer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2021
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Person: Please stop putting African Countries in puns its really annoying!

Me: Kenya be less harsh?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustAnAverageBrit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2021
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The harsh reality of soup court v.redd.it/gb9mcsnnk9a51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/observer2017
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
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Harsh truth.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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Harsh Punishment please!!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EXPLOSIVEGAMMA
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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Don’t be too harsh on people who are constantly taking selfies.

They are just trying to save face.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
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People are too harsh on atheism

It's a non-prophet organization

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemortede3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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To prevent your gyro meat from drying out, criticize it harshly while cooking.

Give it a good lamb basting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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Why did the security director for SDCC impose harsh penalties on heckler in the convention halls?

She had con-troll issues.

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
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My mom channeled her inner dad for a harsh burn

I hope momjokes are welcome

When I was a teenager my aunt and her husband had to have their house fumigated and needed a place to stay for a weekend. My parents offered them my room and arranged a sleepover for me at my nephew's. As I was leaving the house I cheekily turn back and say to them : don't do anything in there I wouldn't do!

To which my mom promptly replied : honey, they're not going to clean your room

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shizzlebob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
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Rip
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Supercat_22
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
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I never got into acapella groups

It's an a choired taste

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmpireStrikes1st
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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So, this is the end.

I was arrested for speaking out of line. I was protesting against the injustices facing our community, the harsh taxes and oppressions that have faced my community for years. The cruel and unusual punishments especially. Our town is small and insular, so outside influence is heavily resisted by our small town government, but despite that, my friends and I have pushed on, resisting our mistreatment and misery. But as you know, I was arrested. Surprisingly, I wasn't jailed or executed. I was beaten. They had us in a row, lines up facing our tormentors. The would-be executioners merely thrust their fists upon us. It was brutal. While there, I though to myself, "Huh, I guess this is the punchline."

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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My Mrs asked me to wind the baby...

I thought that was a bit harsh so I only gave it a dead arm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLastHeroHere
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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My 6yo daughter dadjoked me (her dad) this weekend

"Are you excited to color eggs?"

"I guess you could say I was egg-cited! Wah-wah-WAAAAAH!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevize1138
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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So I used to know a really good dad joke but I don’t remember exactly how it went.

If only I could remember where I Reddit. (Please don’t judge too harshly this is my first dad joke and my first post on a big subreddit)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NobleLionTower
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Just been to a carnival where they suffocate criminals by sitting on them.

Harsh Butt Fair.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
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A man sees a stranger grudgingly walking a dog.

The man asks, β€œWhat kind of dog is that, a setter or a pointer?” He replies, β€œNeither. He’s an upsetter and a disappointer.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasj041
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
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Proud day for me! My son got me with this exchange while looking at a new building being constructed.

Me: β€œThis thing is going to be huge.”

Son: β€œWhy? It’s only three floors high.”

Me: β€œLook at that elevator shaft! They’re going to build more on!”

Son: β€œGeez Dad, that’s a bit harsh.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2019
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Stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster

So I came across a word today in my reading that I had heard before and was able to deduce it's likely meaning based in the context it was used, however, to be safe, I looked it up anyway and while reading the book definition came up with what I hope is an original pun (phrase)...

Context: When someone is giving you a hard time you can say, "stop basting my Lamb, you lamb-baster"

lambaste - criticize (someone or something) harshly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Textipulator
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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A boy went to school pretty bruised up one day

His friend saw and laughed. Then he asked him; "Why do You suppose they call it harsh parental love?"

He replied; "I dunno fam beats me"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGekkouga
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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A handful of short Thanksgiving Jokes I put together that are worthy for any dad to repeat this upcoming holiday.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.

Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.

What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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Every opportunity he gets.

If you didnt have feet, would you wear socks?

No

Why bother with a bra then?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodLuckLetsFuck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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At the Driving Range

My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.

"Hit the shit outta that one!"

I still chuckle when I think about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poppinwheelies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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Friend was complaining about her partner teacher at school, saying, "She has been in year 3 for 2 years already, this is her third...she is just being lazy"

I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Real_JT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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The Higg's Boson said that it didn't like your art...

But don't take it too harshly, it's just critical mass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap-Brannigan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2011
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Dad threw a whopper out at dinner tonight.

After asking the waiter for some salt, he turned to me and said:

"Was that too harsh? I didn't want to asSALT him."

He then chuckled proudly to himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rckbikes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2013
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Got my wife with this one last night

[Discussing my plans to progressively steal more & more of my old Lego from my parents place]

Me: So this stuff I took was mostly technic pieces coz my nephew is way to young to understand how it all works

Her: But it's still harsh to be taking it - what about when he does become old enough for it?

Me: This is my plan for the future & the Lego which will go to our own children eventually... Call it... my legocy!!

[Wife makes one of the loudest dad joke groans I've ever heard]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fortalyst
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2016
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Story about Buying Bread

A man and his wife enter a bakery to buy some bread. Now these are harsh economic times, and the man says to his wife, "I'm not sure if I want to spend my hard earned money on this bread because I don't know who makes it. I don't know whose hands have been on it, you know?", and his wife replies, "But honey, the baker is our neighbor, Alfonso. He kneads the dough."

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2014
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Whenever I get poor service at restaurant I take the server out back and cut off the ends of their fingers.

A harsh thing to do, I know, but by the end of the night they don't have any tips.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrisz2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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