The Beatles hanging out.
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sleeeepy_Hollow
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.

Nothing but spam.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kylejay915
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call an Irish electrician hanging from your ceiling?

Sean D. Lear

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/grubadubdub8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Dad jokes are low hanging fruit and here's why

Why

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phuckingidiot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.

Must've been Mount Heiferest.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you ever seen sausages hanging up in a butchers shop?

I havent. I've only seen them hanging down.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nahh_yeahh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar to find pieces of meat hanging above him…

He asks the barman about it and the barman explains, β€œIf you can jump up and hit one, you’ll get a free drink, but if you miss, you have to buy everyone a round!”

The guy looks up and ponders for a minute then replies, β€œNah, the steaks are too high.”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My wallet has been hanging by a thread for over a year
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juangusta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?

Just Klingon, I’ll go get help!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:

Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! It’s Blue-tiful!

I’m so proud.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jessieface13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling

Guy:"Whats this about?" Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it? Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging out with my French friend

We were talking about his daughter Patience, who had contracted an illness and started glowing green. To tell me he sat me down, looked me in the eyes and said; "Patience is a vert hue,".

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DarthTalek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What's a group of 5 or more denim-clad dads hanging out called?

A jean pool.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?

Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?

Barman: That there is the Brown Paper Kid.

Cowboy: Brown Paper Kid? Never heard of him. What did they get him for?

Barman: Rustling.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Thanks to whoever left some goodies hanging all through my morning walk today..
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herecomesthesonny
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!

Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pippingigi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire

Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hpbojoe
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.

He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says β€œno, the steaks are too high”.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tugboattt
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank

One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Hanging with the buoys
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MBirchall
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone I’ve ever known.

Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far

Lobe low, dude

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linedshot
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"

The other responded "Four shore!"

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedBluemann
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you get hanging from apple trees?

Sore arms.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b0wlfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.

β€œDon’t look down!” said my friend above me.

So I started smiling.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a group of crows hanging out at the dump

It was a murder most fowl!

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/herdertree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Jack Frost use to determine if it's cold enough to start hanging icicles?

His test-icles

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/steeple_fun
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, β€œthis one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.”

I said, β€œthat would be off the chain.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Three old and deafening men were hanging out at a bar.

The first says: β€œWindy isn’t it?”

The second says: β€œWednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?”

The third says: β€œThirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayrockuster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a bar and sees a steak hanging from the ceiling.

He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?

The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"

The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/generatedmax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.

A Christmas stalking.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)

Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there

Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnyprophet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I remember when I once had a friends named Eni. We were best friends until one day, she gossiped about me and stopped hanging out with me. The following day, a teacher asked me if a had any friends,

I responded with β€œNo, not Eni.”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHiFT_VeLoCiiTy
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging my clothes out to dry

And they says to me, "so you think you are too good for us " And I says to them, I says, " No nothing like that, I am just going to be a nudist for a while."

(Dedicated to my inspiration: Norm Macdonald)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sillysadandsolemn
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends asked me why I’ve mysteriously been hanging grapes outside to dry.

I told them, β€œI have my raisins.”

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
cursed_hanging
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/111v1111
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks β€œDo you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?”

The pirate replies, β€œ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VeryLastBison
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I really don't like hanging around horses. Every time I come up with an idea, they say it won't work.

They're a bunch of neigh-sayers.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobskimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did 0 stop hanging out with -2?

He thought he would become negative too.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JimReaperSr
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging out with a bunch of criminals who kept telling the funniest jokes.

We were laughing all the way to the bank.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PygmeePony
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I was hanging out with my sister the other day and she showed me a meme. I had not idea what it meant so I asked her

β€œwhat does it meme?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-bonas-
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other: you stay here

I'll go on ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacoenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...

...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theposshow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.

. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,

β€œNobody puts baby in a coroner”

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Hanging in my school library
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bodhi_Snolbert
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna just take the low hanging fruit
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drhbball14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"

The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"

The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/REPOST_STRANGLER
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack.

One says to the other; "You stay here, I'll go on a head"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report

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