The Beatles hanging out.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Pork factories keep calling me and I keep hanging up on them.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Feb 03 2021
What do you call an Irish electrician hanging from your ceiling?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Dad jokes are low hanging fruit and here's why
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
I saw a mountain with a lot of cows hanging out on it.
Must've been Mount Heiferest.
π︎ 39
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
Have you ever seen sausages hanging up in a butchers shop?
I havent. I've only seen them hanging down.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
A guy walks into a bar to find pieces of meat hanging above himβ¦
He asks the barman about it and the barman explains, βIf you can jump up and hit one, youβll get a free drink, but if you miss, you have to buy everyone a round!β
The guy looks up and ponders for a minute then replies, βNah, the steaks are too high.β
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
My wallet has been hanging by a thread for over a year
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?
Just Klingon, Iβll go get help!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Today, while hanging Halloween lights, my 3 year old made his first pun:
Wow, that blue spider is so beautiful! Itβs Blue-tiful!
Iβm so proud.
π︎ 29
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
Guy:"Whats this about?"
Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?
Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
I was hanging out with my French friend
We were talking about his daughter Patience, who had contracted an illness and started glowing green. To tell me he sat me down, looked me in the eyes and said; "Patience is a vert hue,".
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
What's a group of 5 or more denim-clad dads hanging out called?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?
Cowboy: Who's that they're hanging?
Barman: That there is the Brown Paper Kid.
Cowboy: Brown Paper Kid? Never heard of him. What did they get him for?
Barman: Rustling.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
Thanks to whoever left some goodies hanging all through my morning walk today..
π︎ 97
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
Me: Dude! Come with me to the storage! I organized all the philosophy theses into plastic boxes with hanging files!
Unimpressed Friend: So, Crates...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
π︎ 77
π
︎ May 12 2020
Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and canβt do it, they have to buy everyoneβs drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if heβs willing to try it and the guy says βno, the steaks are too highβ.
π︎ 72
π
︎ May 29 2020
Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank
One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
Hanging with the buoys
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jul 15 2019
My neighbours, the Razzis, have more photographs hanging from their walls than anyone Iβve ever known.
Thanks to their dad, Papa Razzi.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 05 2020
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jul 14 2020
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"
The other responded "Four shore!"
π︎ 24
π
︎ May 01 2020
What do you get hanging from apple trees?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
I was hanging on to the cliff face for dear life.
βDonβt look down!β said my friend above me.
So I started smiling.
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 26 2020
I saw a group of crows hanging out at the dump
It was a murder most fowl!
π︎ 18
π
︎ Apr 14 2020
What does Jack Frost use to determine if it's cold enough to start hanging icicles?
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 09 2020
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, βthis one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.β
I said, βthat would be off the chain.β
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 23 2020
Three old and deafening men were hanging out at a bar.
The first says: βWindy isnβt it?β
The second says: βWednesday? Isnβt it Thursday?β
The third says: βThirsty? Letβs order some drinks!β
π︎ 37
π
︎ Jan 04 2020
A man walks into a bar and sees a steak hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?
The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"
The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 29 2018
"Ho, ho, ho," the jolly bastard mused, unaware I'd been slinking in the shadows for days, ready to unleash my revenge. I'd memorized his patterns, followed his every move, and had set the perfect trap. Down the chimney, ensnared by my noose, and left hanging above the fireplace; I got what I wanted.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 05 2020
Dad: (Hanging bathroom scale on wall)
Daughter: There's no way you can weigh yourself with it up there
Dad: Weigh myself? Hah! A was scaling the wall!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 18 2019
I remember when I once had a friends named Eni. We were best friends until one day, she gossiped about me and stopped hanging out with me. The following day, a teacher asked me if a had any friends,
I responded with βNo, not Eni.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 14 2020
I was hanging my clothes out to dry
And they says to me, "so you think you are too good for us "
And I says to them, I says, " No nothing like that, I am just going to be a nudist for a while."
(Dedicated to my inspiration: Norm Macdonald)
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 09 2020
My friends asked me why Iβve mysteriously been hanging grapes outside to dry.
I told them, βI have my raisins.β
π︎ 75
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
cursed_hanging
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks βDo you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?β
The pirate replies, β Arrrgh, itβs drivinβ me nuts!β
π︎ 85
π
︎ Oct 16 2019
I really don't like hanging around horses. Every time I come up with an idea, they say it won't work.
They're a bunch of neigh-sayers.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
Why did 0 stop hanging out with -2?
He thought he would become negative too.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
I was hanging out with a bunch of criminals who kept telling the funniest jokes.
We were laughing all the way to the bank.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 16 2020
I was hanging out with my sister the other day and she showed me a meme. I had not idea what it meant so I asked her
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other: you stay here
π︎ 37
π
︎ Feb 06 2020
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.
Itβs created a real division in our home.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 20 2020
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...
...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
π︎ 85
π
︎ Oct 10 2019
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coronerβs office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby flyβs eyes and said,
βNobody puts baby in a coronerβ
π︎ 30
π
︎ Oct 11 2019
Hanging in my school library
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 04 2019
I'm gonna just take the low hanging fruit
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"
The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"
The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Sep 15 2018
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack.
One says to the other; "You stay here, I'll go on a head"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
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