My wallet has been hanging by a thread for over a year
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling
Guy:"Whats this about?"
Bartender:"Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyones drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?
Guy:"Nah, the steaks are too high."
What's a group of 5 or more denim-clad dads hanging out called?
Two goldfish are hanging out in a tank
One fish turns to the other and says, 'Any idea on how to drive this thing ?'
Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and can’t do it, they have to buy everyone’s drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if he’s willing to try it and the guy says “no, the steaks are too high”.
My friends and I tried to bypass the quarantine laws by dressing up as crows and hanging out together on top of a telephone wire
Unfortunately, someone called the police on us and we got arrested for attempted murder.
Two rich dudes were hanging out in a bar. One said to the other, "Hey, you wanna come to my square island?"
The other responded "Four shore!"
I saw a group of crows hanging out at the dump
It was a murder most fowl!
My wife wanted to buy a ceiling light. She said, “this one comes with a hanging chain but I think we should just mount it flush with the ceiling.”
I said, “that would be off the chain.”
I remember when I once had a friends named Eni. We were best friends until one day, she gossiped about me and stopped hanging out with me. The following day, a teacher asked me if a had any friends,
I responded with “No, not Eni.”
Three old and deafening men were hanging out at a bar.
The first says: “Windy isn’t it?”
The second says: “Wednesday? Isn’t it Thursday?”
The third says: “Thirsty? Let’s order some drinks!”
I was hanging out with my sister the other day and she showed me a meme. I had not idea what it meant so I asked her
I was hanging out with a bunch of criminals who kept telling the funniest jokes.
We were laughing all the way to the bank.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants. The bartender asks “Do you realize you have a steering wheel in your pants?”
The pirate replies, “ Arrrgh, it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack. One says to the other: you stay here
A man walks into a bar and sees a steak hanging from the ceiling.
He asks the bartender, "Why is there a piece of steak hanging from the ceiling?
The bartender replies, "If somebody jumps and manages to hit the steak, all drinks will be free for the entire night. However, if somebody tries and misses, they will have to buy drinks for everybody else for the entire night. Would you like to try?"
The man thinks about it and replies, "No thanks, the stakes are too high."
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.
It’s created a real division in our home.
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...
...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
Mama fly and baby fly were hanging out at the coroner’s office. The coroner was enjoying a sandwich while he performed an autopsy. Baby fly landed on the sandwich as the coroner took a bite. Mama fly jumped into action and hit the man in the eye and baby fly escaped out of his mouth.
. Mama fly looked into baby fly’s eyes and said,
“Nobody puts baby in a coroner”
seen a stop sign that was missing one of its screws and just hanging there upside down today..
What do you call a guy with no arms or legs hanging on your wall?
I saw a mother hanging upside down today
Tonight, my daughter assisted me in hanging a new medicine cabinet.
Me: I think I measured wrong. The toggle bolts aren't lining up with the darned holes. Man, I really screwed this up.
Her: Did you........make a pun?
Me: concentrating on the task at hand Huh?
Her: Never mind.
Me: gets it Ha! No, but that's awesome! "Screwed" it up. Ha! You're a PunMaster!
Her: You're a dork.
I went to the doctors for the first time in a while. He told me that I had a piece of lettuce hanging out of my ass.
I told him that was just the tip of the iceberg
What you call a hotdog suit hanging in the closet in October?
What do you call two thin guys hanging on your wall above a window ...
What do you call a pretty girl hanging out on a accordion players arm?
I've put all of my savings into a door hanging company.
There's alot hinging on its sucess.
What do you call a rope for hanging plants ?
Why is a chicken with its head hanging down like next week?
Obviously, because its necks weak
What was that dinosaur with a wrecking ball hanging from its tail?
Beef hanging from a butcher's ceiling is a cut above the rest.
LPT: If you ever go on a date and the person has the banner of the former Soviet Union hanging on their wall...
My daughter pointed at an ornate chandelier hanging in a lobby and said, “That’s a pretty light”
I said, “I dunno it looks pretty heavy to me”
I've always had a good time hanging out with gynecologists
They really bring out the child in you.
I used to be best friends with someone tall, but we stopped hanging out a few years ago.
I just couldn't get over how he always looked down at me.
A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, "What's this about?"
The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?"
The guy replies, "Nah, the steaks are too high."
Two hats are hanging on a hat rack.
One says to the other; "You stay here, I'll go on a head"
Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his pants bartender says “aye mate you have a steering wheeling hanging from your pants”
Pirate replies “arrrgh I know and it’s driving me nuts!”
Two hats are hanging on a rack in the hallway,
One hat says to the other, "you wait here, I'll go on a head."
What do you call two guys hanging above a window?
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his zipper.
Bartender: "Hey buddy, you know you have steering wheel attached to your Willy?"
Pirate: "Aaarrrrr.... It's driving me nuts."
A pirate walked into a bar with a steering wheel hanging out of his pants...
The bartender said "You know there's a steering wheel in your pants, right?"
The pirate said "Arrgh, I know, and it's drivin' me nuts!"
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel hanging from his belt buckle.
The bartender says: “Doesn’t that hurt?”
The pirate replies: “Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts”
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
