He was good a covering his tracks
Because it's a seacret
In the ICU.
Nobody else finds this humerus.
SUPPLIES!
Itβs in a very remote location.
He didn't find it humerus
He was arrested for money laundering.
I guess they had a lot of liquid assets
Good news: He pooped the question the next morning.
He was hiding in plane sight.
Runny Knows!
Sorry, this one only works as a picture: http://imgur.com/a/JwNOc
Until my mom hid the urn from me.
He hid the Mac. He hid the monster Mac.
Prison inmate #127833
β
On a more serious note if youβre sick then self quarantine. You might end up fine but you could infect someone who ends up dying.
The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?
Wherever she hid she was always spotted.
One evening Jake stole Jokeβs bag and hid it just at the edge of a forest nearby. Next morning he told him what he had done and to be careful not to go far into the forest since itβs riddled with bears once you go into the deep forest part and you are sure to get eaten.
Since Joke didnβt return for a long period of time, Jake went looking for him. However, he couldnβt find his friend. Jake, feeling remorse, called the police and told them what had happened.
Unfortunately, the police were no help and the case started to gain traction with the media. Reporters from all the nearby villages wanted to be the one to crack the case and find Joke.
Jake slowly spiraled into despair, not knowing what happened, thinking he killed his friend and all he wanted was some answers, buying all the local newspapers every day hoping to read something new and gain some answers.
Day after day the event slowly slipped out of his mind as time went by with no new information whatsoever. Until one day, Jake decided to put this whole thing behind him and found a therapist to help him move on.
The therapy was a huge success, he completed all but one meetings and he had just one more to go. He arrived on time as always, but the therapistβs office was locked this time. Jake checked his mobile phone and he saw a message from his therapist that heβs gonna be a few minutes late and that he should sit down in the waiting room, relax, and wait for him.
Jake, as any reasonable person, sat down in the waiting room and started waiting. It was at this moment that his phone battery ran out and he became bored, very bored, so he picked up a random newspaper from the table in front of him and then he saw it, the headline he was waiting for for so long:
Joke gone too far.
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to WalMart. Unfortunately, like most men; I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter, from the local WalMart:
Dear Mrs. Harris:
Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion, in our store.
We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to, ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:
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June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.
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July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.
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July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.
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July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.
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August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.
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August 14: Moved a, 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.
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August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.
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August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.
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September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
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September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.
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October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while, loudly humming the, 'Mission Impossible' theme.
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October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his, 'Madonna Look' using different sizes of funnels.
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October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
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October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed;
'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
- Took a bo
Lol, on last year's Valentine's day my best friend had got mad at me for not asking my crush out.
We'd planned on going to McDonald's together because he didn't have a date either. When I arrived at McDonald's this f*cker was holding a cardboard box with a terrified look and when he saw me he immediately gave me the box and told me he'd already bought the food and that we better take the bus to my place. I just thought he probably was joking or something because the box didn't even have any kind of decoration, it even had a chips brand printed on it, but as we got to the bus and sat I felt something moving inside, I thought maybe it was a puppy or something, but why did he look scared of it?
So, we get to my house, I go to my backyard, where my then 7yo beagle was and I open the box. I could only see a black blur flying out of it and then heard my best friend scream. It was a rooster. He's terrified of birds. And weirdest of all it was a fully grown rooster but he was super tiny, like 10 inches tall tiny.
I asked him wtf was going on and he just kinda hid behind the backyard door and said "I bought it so that you could get some cock tonight". I always make puns and he hates them, I was speechless. So long story short I now own 6 chickens and 4 roosters (my mom got super mad at him for buying the rooster, but then she got super attached and bought him a chicken, when she laid eggs she let them hatch, the rooster's name is Enrique btw, my mom even made him a birthday party and all last week, lol)
So I hid in the basement and waited until the cops and firefighters came and told them that we had a blast.
I hid her teeth.
...because when they hid Luke & Leia from him, they removed his force kin.
So, my family was having dessert, and my grandfather took my uncle's coffee when he (my uncle) left the room, ya know, to make sure it was safe to drink. Well, my uncle comes back, sits down, and wonders where his cup went. He saw it across the room, and then does one of those mime things where he throws an invisible lasso around the cup and "pulls" himself to it. He's pushing 190lbs, and as he got off the couch, still gripping hid lasso, i said "Wow, that's a strong cup of coffee." Him and my grandfather couldn't stop laughing.
Today was my youngest son's 18 month checkup and when the doctor came in the first thing he said was "please excuse my voice, I'm a little hoarse". Without hesitation I said "you don't look like one".
He just looked at me for a second and then laughed. My wife hid her face in her hands. Mission accomplished. If only my son were old enough to know what happened.
Talking with a friend yesterday and dropped this one from his childhood:
When he was six years old, he was riding in the car with his parents when he saw a "Fallen Rock" sign on the side of the road. He asked his dad what it meant, to which his dad replied, "when the white man came through here and kicked out the Indians, there was one that they couldn't catch, Fallen Rock who ran off and hid in the woods. He has been angry at the white man ever since hunts them down. The sign lets people know Fallen Rock has been seen in the area and to watch out for him."
He believed it for years and would always look for Fallen Rock when they saw one of the signs.
Edit: spelling
We don't have any kids yet, though my husband - I believe, is prepared. It was after dinner he had this seafood concoction that contained rice, chicken, shrimp, and mussels. Anyway, he was super full afterwards and pushing hid belly out. The conversation went as follows:
Me: Full huh?
Hubby: yeah, (points to stomach) the shrimp is here, chicken here and rice here.
Me: What about the oysters (I don't eat seafood, please don't hate me)
Hubby: You mean mussels? (Proceeds to flex) All over!
Edit: hopefully spacing-posting on my phone.
As I was handing out some cards for the lesson, a student hid them up his sleave claiming he was good at magic.
'I'm pretty good at magic' I replied. 'If you don't put those back, I can make your lunch time disappear.'
WOOOSH
Background Info: We are grabbing the presents from around the house that we hid from my sister-in-law's kids, when I pulled off a funny dad joke (to me it was funny)
Sis: Wait, where is the Frozen DVD you bought?
Me(Dad): I put it Elsa-where.
She didn't even laugh, she just stared at me and waited for me to leave.
So my family is French and we also speak English.
Basically, every birthday, my mom would say she got me cash for my birthday. (cache, which is pronounced like cash, means to hide, in French). My dad would then say, in French, "Ohhhh, cash! I thought you said cache! I hid it last week and I cant find it!"
Dad: What do you see?
Me: A finger
Dad: Good, then I've hid well
...until my mom hid the urn from me.
