He was a spirit defeeted
...is just a Communist plot.
Death care.
The plot thickens.
De-composing
Apparently it’s a dying art.
Because they have one foot in the grave.
But I was able to dig myself out of it
She’s dead and berried.
It would’ve been the next day, but he had Post Martyr-dom depression.
Remains to be seen.
That will help to avert many grave mistakes
Because they can still rest in pees.
I couldn't follow the plot.
No one does that. Over my dead body!
It's dead quiet.
It is a known fact that the penguin is a very ritualisticbird which lives an extremely ordered and complex life.
The penguin is very committed to its family and will mate for life, as well as maintain a form of compassionate contact with its offspring throughout its life.
If a penguin is found dead on the ice surface, other members of the family and social circle have been known to dig holes in the ice, using their vestigial wings and beaks, until the hole is deep enough for the dead bird to be rolled into, and buried.
The male penguins then gather in a circle around the fresh grave and sing:
"Freeze a jolly good fellow." "Freeze a jolly good fellow."
Look who’s grounded now, mom.
They twerk from home.
Because he’s decomposing.
I asked the manager why it was so crowded. He said people were dying to get in
“No, just having a shit” he said
You can hear him decomposing
That’s when I knew it was Thyme.
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial".
“Wow!” I said. “Was it some big corporation?”
“No.” He replied, “I mowed the lawn in the cemetery.”
It causes me to start coffin.
...it’s because they’re going to die.
North Korean leader Kim Jong Un succumbs to a botched surgery, medically confirmed dead, but then returns from the grave and continues to rule. Based on a true story. Probably.
I'm sure this has been said before but it just came to my mind.
The cemetery keeper has told people not to worry, he's just decomposing.
EDIT down-voting because you can't Handel this level of humor is a crime against humanity.
He made a grave mistake.
I should probably stop pooping there.
My dad said in a dead serious quiet voice "I know something you don't know about this place. The people living in this town aren't allowed to be buried here."
And I was really confused, so I asked why.
He said "because they are still alive."
Grave danger.
You will be mist.
Give them to your wife now or she'll put them on your grave later.
Petty Larceny.
I know, too soon.
It was a grave mistake
If it's two monsters, it's a monster mash.
Otherwise, it's a graveyard smash.
It just seems like a dying industry...
"Dave!" shouted my wife. "Come away from the pond!"
...he replied "No, just taking a shit."
We passed by a cemetery and my dad said that people are just dying to get in there.
*** probably a repost but it's the best joke my dad told me from long ago
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
Their careers were in ruins.
Hot, because you can catch a cold!
Looks like he made a grave mistake.
In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.
One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.
The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.
Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”
Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”
After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:
“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”
My thoughts are with his family.
I had grave concerns
Why couldn't the skeleton call the police? . Because he was missing his caller-bones.
STahp
He responded with "I guess that tree will have more bark than usual".
She tried to mention buying our own grave plots as we were leaving.
I told her that "This was the last thing I needed!"
....by conducting a Junior Seance.....
Driving past a cemetery earlier
Younger brother: No wonder these places are always empty, they're so creepy
Dad: Are you kidding me? People are dying to get into this place.
We’re in grave danger
He went from the ladle to the grave.
He was coffin a lot.
Cause people are just dying to get in
What a RIP-off
De-composing
She made me promise that when she died, I would plant her strawberries on her grave so that people could enjoy them when they visited. When she passed away I fulfilled my promise. She’s dead and berried.
He will be rolling in his grave.
The priest bent close to the grave and heard some faint, unrecognizable music coming from the grave.
Frightened, the priest ran and got the town magistrate.
When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."
He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."
So the magistrate kept listening, "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."
Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate.
He stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Beethoven decomposing."
He's de-composing......
He made a grave mistake.
He made a grave mistake.
