My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.
For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...
...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right:
the Very model of a modern major general.
One day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was a handed a letter and thought to myself..
Once, when working in a store, a man dressed as a a wizard approached the counter...
He said "Do I get any money off for having this big stick?"
I said "No sir, we don't offer staff discount".
My GF dressed up as a police woman and told me I was under arrest under the suspicion that I was good in bed c
After 3 mins all charges were dropped due to lack of evidence
What’s the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle, and a poorly dressed man on a bike?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
Attire
edit: had to delete original post, due to misspelling in the title.
A man turns up to a fancy dress party with no costume apart from a naked woman on his back.
He tells the host he has come dressed as a snail.
"But who's the woman?" The host asks, confused.
"Oh, This is Michelle"
This was my 6 year old cousins favourite joke for a while and it still cracks me up especially given the concerned looks the adults share when the joke starts
What would you call a dress for a cow?
Last Halloween a girl dressed as the grim reaper came to my door with messy hair and asked me politely to fix it.
That night, I had a brush with death.
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
I've invented a new talent contest where you have to dress up as a sailor and eat spinach as fast as possible....
I asked my mechanic why he was dressed as a female fox.
He said he was just vixen my car.
Someone brought a box full of flue dirt to the formal dress gala for the chimney sweepers...
It was quite suity in there!
The comments is full of puns like this one
I met my boyfriend while visiting the zoo. There he was, in his uniform...
straightaway I knew he was a keeper
I went out with a girl the other night, she wore this real slinky dress...
She looked great going down the stairs.
Just finished watching a film about a serial killer who dresses up in brightly coloured sweaters....
It's called 'Knitwear On Elm Street.'
I was walking home from work, talking to my husband on the phone. He asked me where I was. I said I passed a garden full of gnomes. He said he knew the one I was talking about.
I said "So it's a well gnome garden".
I laughed harder than he did.
We had a potato cannon once. We had some dumpster bread. We were shooting it full of grass, bread and leaves....
Technically our cannon "shoots eats and leaves".
(As in the oxford comma panda assassin... that "eats, shoots, and leaves")
Anyway I've waited years for someone to appreciate this .... and it has never happened so far. I hope you are slightly amused....
I went to a costume party dressed as a Euro. When asked what I was I told people I was new Italian currency...
Why was Karen dressed up?
She wanted to make a formal complaint.
Where did the salad dressing go for rehab?
I first met my wife at a fancy dress party, where I was dressed as a ghost.
Today, I didn-t want to dress like a winner. But I didn't want to dress like a loser either.
I went to a costume party dressed as a harp. The host said my costume was too small to be a harp.
I replied, "Are you calling me a lyre?"
Two boats full of red and blue paint crashed in the indian ocean today
All of the crew are marooned
Why would a pig dressed in black never get bullied?
Because Batman has sworn to protect goth ham
If you wear cowboy clothes are you ranch dressing?
Saw a used television for sale for only $1, because the volume was stuck on full.
Thought to myself, “I can’t turn that down.”
What starts with T, ends with T, and is full of T?
What do you call a building full of guitarists?
I keep begging my wife to wear pretty dresses, but she just ignores me.
I guess she wears the pants in the relationship.
My friend keeps saying “Cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.”
My wife designed a dress made completely from recycled whiteboards!
It's really quite remarkable!
A lorry full of tortoises just hit a van full of terrapins.
Yesterday a man drove his car into a barn full of horses.
He’s listed in serious but stable condition.
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
Why couldn’t the bee dress as a ghost for Halloween?
***Because most people are offended at seeing Boo Bees! -My 10 yr old son
My neighbour got bit by a female deer and starts acting like one on a full moon...
My son grows a lot of fur and manufactures products of art or craft on nights when the moon is full...
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle..?
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