I like the simplicity of split firewood.

It's pretty cut and dry.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter is trying to light a fire at camp and it just WOULDN'T light. Turn to her and tell her it's because the firewood is bad. "How can you Tell" she asks..

Because the wood is naughty.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cmeilleur1337
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What does firewood do when it gets burnt out?

It tinders its resignation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zchpayne
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad dropped this on me while moving firewood with friends

Friend comes out of the house

Friend: need a hand?

Me: sure! Many hands makes light work.

Dad: Jaetman did you take your meds? How many times do I have to tell you hands don't make light work! electricity does!

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaetman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
I think this in my head every time I pass a sign that says "Firewood!", but I haven't said it aloud until recently...

I was driving with some of my buddies when I see a "Firewood!" sign. I point it out and read it aloud:

Me: Fire wood?

Buddy: Yeah, firewood. What about it?

Me: I see these signs everywhere. Who is this "Wood" and why do we need to fire him?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afgsimonsab
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2016
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a fireman and a firewoman?

Firewood.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysPlaySupport
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I read an article about Eskimo hunting practices today

Their method for hunting polar bears was the most interesting. They would start a fire out on a deep snow bank, and essentially melt a hole in the snow. Once the hole was big enough they would stop feeding it firewood and let it burnout on its own. Once the fire had gone down and was nothing more than smoldering ashes with a little bit of smoke, they would line the edge of the fire pit with snow peas.

All they had to do from there is hide and wait. Once a bear caught scent of the smoke and starts to investigate, the bear would eventually start eating some of the peas. Then they sneak up behind it and kick it in the ash-hole.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up…

Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow.

It was addressed, 'Dad'.

With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands:

"Dear, Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Got the GF while camping this weekend

She was complaining about our lack of firewood despite having gathered some not too long ago.

I hit her with "Yea we really are burning through it" and got booed out of the tent.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VTek910
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Had a housewarming party

My dad brought us firewood as a house warming present.

He wiggled his eyebrows and went "hey? Hey?" and made a fire.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/727Super27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2016
🚨︎ report
Is that enough Styx?

After coming in from grabbing some the firewood, my wife exclaimed "oh! We need sticks!" referring to kindling to start the fire.

In my best Dennis DeYoung, I started belting out "Come sail away, come sail away, come sail away with me!"

Then, with a shit eating grin, I said "Is that enough Styx for ya!?"

Unfortunately she had no idea what I was talking about and just looked at me blankly as I fell to the floor in laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lovelynuts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
🚨︎ report
Guy made an awesome party entrance with a cheesy dadjoke

My friend had a truck on his lawn full of firewood for the bonfire planned for later in the party. This guy who just arrived walks into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know you've got a truck growing outta your lawn?" My friend replies, "Yeah, I planted a couple GMC emblems and it just sprouted up!" The guy, without a moment's hesitation says. "Damn, that's a real bumper crop!" Everyone in the kitchen died laughing and the guy, who didn't really know anyone there, instantly became the centre of the party.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WebberWoods
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Got dadjoked at work today.

We sell firewood at my job. Customer comes up to my line and asks if I need him to pick it up to scan it. I tell him no; we have barcodes at the register. He asks, "So I could have just told you I wanted firewood without bringing it inside?" I said yes. And he says "Man, I wish I knew that. I felt really weird logging it around."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RRFFDD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
🚨︎ report
good one from my stepfather

We have a dog that likes to chew on wood from our firewood pile. Today while the dog was chewing on the wood, my stepfather says "that's where she gets her bark from"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/simciv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.