Starting with my severe drinking opportunity
But then it hit them why he was holding it in a overhand grip.
He’s all right now!
Don't ask me for 5 cents anytime soon...
because I'm Nicholas.
(that's right! a joke only we can tell!)
Apparently I'm the only one that could've prevented them
I was happy to give him a full glass of water to help!
"Names?" he asked.
"Yes," I replied, "I presume they have names."
Looking for what my fellow Dads would name this garden artwork in my buddies yard.
I called it GandOwlF
This swan’s on me
He's wan.
Fishizzle!
Here is what i need help with. I seen a some fishing gear with the name "fishizzle" and lighting struck! Has anyone heard this one before? Did I just make a OC dad joke? If so Is it "dad joke" worthy? I really hope so becuase I just sent this to my daughter.
Thanks in advance.
Sorry I’m advance if this isn’t allowed.
He is the flattest Earther
A homiecide.
"neiggggghhh"
"not in this decade", "see ya next decade" and the like are only good for the next 10 days...
Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.
Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?
Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!
Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .
Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.
Do I play it off cool.
“Where’s my money?” asked the box.
“I’ll get it to you, don’t worry!” the stick answered, slipping up on his words and having a meltdown.
“Well, you butter get it to me quickly, or you’re toast!”
A tire.
A.) Collaborate and listen
B.) In the name of love
C.) Hammer time
We can share LifeHacks...
The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.
After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.
Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.
The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.
But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.
So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.
But, alas, Andy refused.
He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."
We all know there’s no plates like chrome, for the hollandaise
Civil Engineers.
Well, now I'm raisin cane!
Fortunately, she got out of that habit
It smelt funny...
He fell in a spring one fall.
Would have been a sad thing, if he died in that spring,
But he didn't, he died in the fall.
I play indoor soccer with a group of guys every Thursday night at the local church. We play for fun so we have some ground rules so it doesn't get too aggressive. One of the guys went for a slide and scored a goal everyone was quite upset at this knowing we had already established that sliding, especially indoor, was not allowed. While everyone was arguing whether the goal counted or not I responded with, " I think we can let that one slide." Collective groan from many, many others allowed it.
He turned to me and asked, "wouldn't driving there be quicker?"
This just happened 5 minutes ago. I work in a busy kitchen and I was changing these white trash bags around the kitchen. As I start heading outside with them, I'm moving around cooks while saying "coming through". This guy corrects me and says "say white trash". So I start yelling "white trash coming through" while everyone stares at me.
I can't believe I just fell for that.
Me: "Everything looks different without my glasses."
Edit: I was not born in the 80’s I will not get any of the references
He’s all right now.
This swan’s on me
He's all right now.
