"I'm fairly certain that I stole my son's really strong beer from the bridge."

"What percent?"
"I'm about 80% sure."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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I may be an introvert, but I have a fairly successful ore industry.

I mine my own business.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I'm a fairly new dad and I'm proud of this

I was out grocery shopping yesterday and was looking at wines. The lady next to me grabbed a bottle but knocked another bottle to the floor. It broke and red wine went everywhere. I said the first thing that came to mind...

"Caught you red handed".

She looked and me and started laughing. One of my proudest moments.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingLui014
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
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(fairly certain this is original) I'm out to eat with my girl and the server tells us to scan the barcode on the table to see the menu.

After taking our order and asking if we want anything else, I point at my phone and ask if she can leave us a menu just in case.

I think I wrote my first dad joke original on something new to this changing world!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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Lol dunno how to repost, I’m fairly new to reddit
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seajew72
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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The plane I was on had a fairly hard landing...

Flight attendant gets on the intercom:

β€œThat was not the Captain’s fault. That was not our fault. That was the asphalt.”

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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I once heard a man insult the loveable Terry Crews. I waanted to beat the shit out of him, but I knew karmic justice would judge him fairly.

He died from dysentery.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fermatajack
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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My office has a fairly server mouse infestation.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tale_of_tejon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2017
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They say Montana is fairly populated, but it’s actually MT.

(Revising my previous joke)

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
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If I had a nickel for every time I got paid fairly...

I'd have four cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/princemacgyver
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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Obese albinos are fairly large.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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I consider myself a fairly independent man but I needed a car.

So by my own accord, I decided to buy my own Accord

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πŸ‘€︎ u/halfjew22
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
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I'm new here, but I'm fairly certain this qualifies as a dad joke.

A few days ago, my friend went to one of those outdoor gear shops, looking for a few things to prepare her for a canoe trip she was going to take. While there, her mom wandered away into the next aisle over. My friend sees her mom leave, looks at her dad and asks, "What is mom doing in the tent aisle?" Her dad responds, "Shopping for a dress."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jelly_sandals
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2013
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Sadly, my secretary has developed a fairly serious wheat allergy...

[dictated but not bread]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bikari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2015
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I live in an area where cows are fairly common

Dad: Oh my God. Look at that! (starts pointing frantically)

Me: What? What! What is it! What am I looking at?

Dad: The cows! Don't you see them?

Me: Yea, i see them a lot, nothing special...

Dad: Nothing special?!?!? Why, they are UTTERLY fantastic!!

And then proceeds to make other utter puns until he cries of joy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudeofdar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2013
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Dadjoked the fam fairly well this morning...

Mickey's Clubhouse is on. Mickey and friends walk up to Donald's door.

Mickey: "Hi Donald, Pluto told us to come over to your house!"

Me (Akroyd voice): "We're on a mission from Dog."

The groans echoed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KneeDeepThought
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2014
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I'm fairly certain my grandpa is planning on dropping a dad joke on his AA group for his 37th anniversary...

He told us last night that he'll be asked his secret for success this morning.

He says at age 82 and after 37 alcohol-free years, the secret is fairly simple:

"Don't drink, and don't die."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingysnap
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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