I'm trying to convince my friend that being a fraudster isn't for him. I went over to his house the other day and he was putting canned meat in envelopes.

Apparently he was sending a bunch of Spam Mail.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.

With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I have been pushing the envelope all my life

But it still remains stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgetrandy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the German mail man deliver an envelope to the Polish neighbour?

Because he was in Reichweite

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aremathick
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Envelope: β€œare we there yet? I’m worried we’re not going to make it!”

Mailman: β€œI’ll keep you posted”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My son showed me a stamped envelope and asked, "Is this a postmark?"

I burst into tears. 12 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Gary.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NachoRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
As much as you might move around an envelope

It'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_sewer_rat_0900
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I Just opened a card and a load of rice fell out the envelope

It’s was from my uncle Ben

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoelandLouise
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I really push the envelope in this video.... v.redd.it/c2yyvsfjuzb41
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thel3viathan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
You can throw an envelope as far as you want, but it’ll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/InOPWeTrust
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
The letter was inside the envelope and couldn't see outside so he told the stamp...

to keep him posted

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stayouttamyswamp-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study has found that white envelopes tend to be delivered faster than envelopes of any other colour

I guess you could say that there's...

white mail privilege

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinguTheBrave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The envelope to our landlord with rent cheques
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lan_chop
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call letters and envelopes that haven’t been moved in years?

Stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dstew94
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad likes bad puns, so I decided to include some on his Father's Day card envelope. Thought you all might appreciate!
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack-ums
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad got me with a bit of wisdom: No matter how much you try to push the envelope...

...it'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CandysaurusRex
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2016
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope,

it'll still be stationery.

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

When chemists die, they barium.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

A will is a dead giveaway.

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered. He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the ends.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PewPewWizard2000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Some puns here do a good job at pushing the envelope. Too bad they'll always be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pirate_of_the_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2016
🚨︎ report
There's an envelope on my doorstep that says "do not bend"

I still haven't worked out how to pick it up.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fingerofblame
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the walrus lick the envelope?

Because it was looking for a good SEAL!

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jam219
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I painted my dad's envelopes black

So when he sends them they'll be blackmail

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CommanderOfPuns
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife said that she needed to address the envelopes...

Me: Ah, yes, let me help you with that. Turning to stack of envelopes "Your Grace, Earl of Envelopia, I have come to address you regarding the matter of correspondence you have graciously offered to assist in..."

Wife: ...Our son isn't even HERE, and he won't understand that for another 5 years anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lereas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2014
🚨︎ report
No matter how hard you push the envelope ...

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope,

It'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope...

It'll always be stationery

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope...

It'll always be stationery

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope

It will still be statioery

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djkp7211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
If you push the envelope...

...is it still stationary?

πŸ‘︎ 138
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoveringMore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope..

.. it always remains stationary

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/luckydragon88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NigGorilla666
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the stamp say to the envelope?

Stick with me and we'll go places.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_mono_no_aware
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the Envelope

It'll still be stationary

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope...

it always remains stationary.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RichyCigars
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2018
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope...

It will always be stationary

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Headsup_Eyesdown
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2018
🚨︎ report
A paradox - No matter how much you push the envelope, it will always be stationary.
πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wu-TangJedi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2015
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope...

It's still stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mewse_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the envelope say to the stamp?

Stick with me and we'll go places!

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Antranik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
🚨︎ report
No matter how hard you push the envelope...

It'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMisterFlux
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2015
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it will still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/officemonkey
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2008
🚨︎ report

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