Ughh..don't trust 'em stairs, they're always up to something
Give ‘em the punchline first!
How do you tell a good joke about time travel?
I wanted to buy a $30 meal for my father, my grandfather and father-in-law. I figured they'd lump em all together and charge a reduced fee...
But no. I was charged $30 a pop.
My clippers ran out of juice half way through shaving so I started to beat the heck out of em...
...for extra battery
You can't trust 'em....
Why can't you trust an atom?
They literally make up everything!
We got 'em imgur.com/SSF1Tks
This random number said his name was Noah. So I had to do it to em.
Bob takes a stroll while talking about an old shoot 'em up
Yeah, he's a walking Contra-diction.
Alternative for the logic nerds:
Bob is always honest, and he says he doesn't like shoot 'em ups. His identical twin Joe says he loves shoot 'em ups. How do we know Joe is honest? Because if something is true, then so is its Contra-positive.
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
To the EM who told me not to sew up your child's leg: Suture Self
You know how Pokémon’s tag line is Gotta Catch ‘Em All?
I guess you could say that’s their catchphrase.
Drums - You can't beat 'em. Well, you have to, really.
Gotta Catch em' all imgur.com/toAPVVP
I once played Texas Hold Em against a sheet of paper.
It folded.
I didn't really know how to play Texas Hold Em but luckily my friend was by my side to assist with raising and calling...
He was aiding and a-betting!
You know what they say, it you can't beat 'em...
... then you're probably using the wrong end of the whisk.
Want to hear a chimney joke? Got stacks of em!
First one's on the house
I'm making a variety of fish. I'll use the same glaze for most of 'em.
But I'm making a sauce just for the halibut.
Being a twice-over dad, can I refer to myself as an Em-Ef'er?
I love all my computer brands and sometimes give ’em smooches.
But I never kiss Intel.
A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!”
A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."
