I told them I am very smiley today
He kept hitting the cymbals
But I donβt want to count my pumpkins before they patch.
π
Dad: Wow, that snake is so slow... It took me only a few hours to start breeding once I was married...
...apparently the shit hit the fan.
all the reviews are mentioning his character
So he decided to retell his favorite joke with emoji.
But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot
Me: "No it doesn't".
The bartender says we don't serve food here
OR IS IT JUST ME?
Should get a No-Bell prize. π π€£πβ.
So I had to put my foot down.
I don't know, he ransomware
The difference between them and my old ones is like night and day.
(My wife just bought us some yesterday, I sent her this via text and she sent me an eye roll emoji)
Eclipse it.
I can't tell you how much this award means to me.
October. Why? Because he had a great fall. πβ π―
Because we are taking our fence down.
She came back, stopped me, just to ask "Is there a mower emoji?
I said: is that really an emojency?
38, first original joke from an unoriginal dad. Had to share.
WHAT IN THE HECK HAPPENED TO MY ROOF?
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
It should have been called takeout instead.
They didn't do anything.
Another day, another Dawn.
They just sat there. Hardly the chaos that's beem advertised.
Them: whatβs a madder baby?
Me: Nothing sugar, whatβs a matter with you? π
Sorry if this might be a repost, I didnβt make it up but itβs one of my favorite dad jokes of all time. Itβs really funny when you get someone aggressive whose like βwhat the fucks a madder baby?β
E: added the emoji cuz itβs good to give a sly smirk to finish it off. Also this works MUCH better in person
It was now Hans free.
Her: can you check the dryer
Me: yep! Itβs a dryer!
Her: (facepalm emoji)
Me a few minutes later: I checked again. Itβs still a dryer
Her: (eye roll emoji)
Yeah brochure.
After the checkup, my doctor recommended I up my coffee intake to two pots a day, eat more saturated fats, and start smoking.
I'm beginning to suspect he knows about me and his wife.
![Her: Be mean to me. [heart eyes emoji] Him: You're average.](https://i.redd.it/flqsfk21c8d51.jpg){kind=link}
