His gun fires bullets imprinted with "Dumbass"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyaaaa_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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My dumbass son thinks there’s the letter F is in the word β€˜way’

There’s no F in way.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R0adzz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
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What starts with 'O' and ends with 'nions' and sometimes make you cry?

Opinions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
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I'm just going to leave it here
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fuckkkofff
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Me: one day you will inherit all these priceless family heirlooms

My dumbass kid: dad these are vape pens

Me: no they are the family juuls

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueBandit69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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I hate it when people say janitors are all dumbasses

It's such a sweeping generalisation.

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nexus_ssg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2013
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Took me a minute
πŸ‘︎ 416
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackJack5JAoH
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
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German Wi-Fi
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatLogiCat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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Awesome
πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcz1739
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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Why do people like fizzy drinks?

They're sodalicious.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yergisgoingtodie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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My best in the moment pun i have ever had

In the gym today, guy is having to get his lock cut off because he lost his key. Joke around with guy for a bit because i have done the same.

As he is walking away....

Him: "you have a good day man"

Me: "you too, better lock next time"

I hear him groan, look to the guy next to me with a dumbass smile on my face and he rolled his eyes. Hahaha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwankyTiger_0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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My favorite Queen song imgur.com/Ycxla9A
πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dizchord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2015
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My dad's proudest moment

I was on a road trip with him and we were leaving Rapid City, SD, when we saw a billboard that said "Cowboy Pancakes: 99Β’"

He turns to me and says, "Cowboy Pancakes? They must serve those with maple stirrup"

He proceeded to laugh really hard and beat his steering wheel.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbouerfgae
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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I know this is cheesy, but I laughed! imgur.com/RLX04Dq
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kawww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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On the phone with my 4'7" wife

Her: I will be there shortly.

Me: Wh..haha..when are you not anywhere SHORTLY?

Her: ...

30 seconds later, talking about our son..

Her: Apparently, I forgot about his bottle.

Me: Isn't everything we do "apparently" now that we're parents?

Her: You're a dumbass...See you when I get home, love you.

Me: ..Shortly, right?

Her: (click)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Land-Stander
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2015
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I told the "apparent" joke on the front page to my manager

He asked if I had a book of dumbass jokes.

"No, just Reddit."

"Yeah, out of a book?"

πŸ‘︎ 354
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πŸ‘€︎ u/j0rdanthi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
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What is the world's stupidest capital city?

Dumbass-cus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
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What do you call a stupid fish?

A dumbass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carter16891
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2017
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My old man got me good when I was a kid.

So some birds were flying over us in that V-shape they tend to fly in, and my old man looked up, almost in awe, and said to me:

Dad: Wow, look at those birds, son. See how they fly in that V shape?

Me (in a genuine child-like awe): Yeah, that's cool, dad.

Dad: See how one side of the V is longer than the other?

Me: Yeah.

Dad: You know why that is?

Me: No, why?

Dad: Cause there are more birds on that side, dumbass.

πŸ‘︎ 290
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehJoze
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Roadside Attraction

I laughed my ass off at this roadside protester. He camped out all night hoping to prevent the completion of certain roadways. Well, yesterday, the dumbass died of a heart attack. His doctor warned him weeks ago, but the stupid guy didn't want a bypass.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sprtoad80
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2017
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I was driving and saw a Schmitt bread truck with a blown tire on the side of the road.

I was alone in the car, but still said "I bet he's having a schmitty day" and giggled like a dumbass all the way home

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wootiown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
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"Whenever I see a sign that says something like 'founded in 1889'..."

"I wonder who's the dumbass who losted it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eruptingfender9
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2016
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The actress who got stabbed

Dad: Did you hear about that actress who was stabbed

Me: No I didn't

Dad: I think her name was Reece something or another

Me: Witherspoon?

Dad: No dumbass, with a knife

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DavoDinkum69
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2015
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Inquiry about my friend's father's shirt...

Friend: What does your shirt say?

His father: It doesn't say anything. You have to read it, dumbass.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oi_to_the_World
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2015
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Kind of a meta-joke (short and straight to the point)

What do you call a father who's being a complete dumbass?

Retardad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZeeMan89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2015
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My dad's favorite pollack joke

Dad: "How many pollacks does it take to screw in a light bulb?" Me: "I dunno. How many?" Dad: "One dumbass!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/not2serious83
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
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Dropped this one on my dad earlier

Dad (after a sassy answer to a question): don't be a smartass

Me: would you prefer I were a dumbass?

Laughs were had

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuhretSyndrome
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2014
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One of the classics

(Only use this joke after someone has made a stupid mistake)

Me: You know what you would find if you looked up stupid in the dictionary??? Them: Uhhh a picture of me? Me: No, you would find the definition of stupid, Dumbass!

This works every time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac30123456
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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