Village Idiot Puns
Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...
- βI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.β
- βI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.β
- βI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.β
- βI thought about being a witch for a spell.β
- βI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.β
- βI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.β
- βFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.β
- βI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.β
- βI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.β
- βMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the job.β
- βHeck, I was even king for a day... but I didn't have any crowning achievements.β
...And so now, here I am: village idiot, just like my father was. Ah... my father, he was the best village idiot we ever had. It's hard living in his shadow sometimes. You see, my father was a complete idiot! ...I'm just a half-wit.β
ποΈ 18
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οΈ Nov 30 2016
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
ποΈ 235
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οΈ Dec 21 2020
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How?
Well...
Are you going to tell me?
Why are you walking away without telling me?
Forget it. I didnβt want to know anyway...
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Feb 01 2021
I got into an argument with someone I thought was a "birds aren't real" supporter. I'm an idiot; they were just messing with me and they made some amazing bird puns along the way that deserve attention. The link to the post is in the comments so you can go give the user karma and see the context.
https://preview.redd.it/n7zvpwxkj6m51.png?width=1280&format=png&auto=webp&s=54f0549ebd3c055929698d6fef3bc05782bf5282
ποΈ 15
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οΈ Sep 09 2020
I saw my wife slightly drunk yelling at the TV saying βdonβt go in there you idiotβ
She was watching our wedding video again.
ποΈ 41
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οΈ Nov 01 2020
What do you call an idiot whoβs hooked on pain killers?
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Oct 30 2020
I really wanted to be there for the birth of my child. I drove like an idiot and almost got into an accident. But when I reached the hospital, I found out it was all for nothing.
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Nov 05 2020
An idiot graduating from universityβ¦
β¦is known as a baka-laureate.
/Oh I'm such a weeb
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Nov 16 2020
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Oct 30 2020
I just saw real a real idiot at the gym.
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
ποΈ 81
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οΈ Jul 25 2020
My girlfriend left me because of my gambling addiction. She claimed I was an idiot.
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Jul 18 2020
How do you confuse an idiot?
ποΈ 5
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οΈ May 23 2020
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
ποΈ 80
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οΈ Mar 12 2020
How do you fool an idiot into expecting something funny?
ποΈ 326
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οΈ Oct 03 2019
99.9% of people are idiots
Fortunately I belong to the 1% of intelligent people
ποΈ 15
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οΈ Apr 05 2020
My friend said, βYou have a BA, Masters and a Ph.D., but you still act like an idiot.β
It was a third degree burn.
ποΈ 12k
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οΈ Apr 22 2018
A sheep, an idiot, and a snake walk into a bar.
ποΈ 189
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οΈ Nov 13 2019
How do you keep an idiot in suspense...
ποΈ 49
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οΈ Nov 29 2019
My wife just called me an idiot for constantly mixing up my idioms.
But it takes one to know someone.
ποΈ 12
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οΈ Jan 21 2020
How many idiots does it take to change a light bulb?
ποΈ 7
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οΈ Mar 08 2020
An idiot goes walking through the woods...
After a short time, he realizes he is hopelessly lost. He gets hungry, but with no knowledge of a way to gain food, he decides to resort to cannablism. He begins to eat his arm, but soon finds he is satisfied and no longer hungry. This idiot in the woods was full of himself.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Feb 03 2020
Whoever named Antarctica was an idiot.
There's like no ants there. At all.
ποΈ 21
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οΈ Aug 24 2019
What do ablack hole and an idiot have in common?
The closer to them you get, the more you appreciate their density.
ποΈ 8
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οΈ Jan 11 2020
My idiot friend was caught shoplifting from the bakery yesterday.
He has done stupid things before, but this one really takes the cake.
ποΈ 20
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οΈ Oct 26 2019
[OC]Got a friend who is an idiot when messed up on opioids...
ποΈ 4
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οΈ Oct 16 2019
ποΈ 10
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οΈ Jun 08 2019
Exasperated, I threw my hands up in the air and shouted at my wife, "I'm not a complete idiot!" She smiled at me and purred, "I know honey."
"Some parts are missing."
ποΈ 9
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οΈ Sep 20 2019
Wanna know how to keep idiots in suspense?
ποΈ 24
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οΈ Mar 31 2019
Did you hear the recent electrifying news about a drunken idiot who climbed a power pole and got the crap shocked out of him?
It's good to keep up on current events.
ποΈ 3
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οΈ Sep 21 2019
Last Thanksgiving I cut myself with the carving knife so my idiot brother-in-law walks up and grabs the bloody cut and starts twisting it. I screamed βOuch, what are you doing!!β
He says, βIβm applying the turn-a-cut!β
ποΈ 5
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οΈ Oct 29 2019
Got myself stranded today so I rang my wife. She called me an idiot but itβs been 45 minutes and they still havenβt turned up.
ποΈ 30
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οΈ May 07 2019
What did the sheep, idiot, and snake say when the dad told a joke?
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Nov 20 2019
What do you call an idiot who clicks on the "POST" button by accident?
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Apr 25 2019
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. He is just a product of our times.
ποΈ 15k
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οΈ Aug 12 2020
How do you keep an idiot in suspense
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
...
ποΈ 14
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οΈ Nov 03 2020
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
ποΈ 11
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οΈ Sep 19 2020
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot ?
"Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times"
ποΈ 16
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οΈ Aug 19 2020
What did 2 tell 3 when he saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt worry about him. Heβs just a product of our times.
ποΈ 11k
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οΈ Jul 20 2019
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt worry about him. Heβs just a product of our times.
ποΈ 140
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οΈ Dec 25 2019
What did 2 tell 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
Donβt mind him. Heβs just a product of our times.
ποΈ 26
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οΈ Mar 28 2020
What did 2 say to 3 when they saw 6 acting like an idiot?
'Don't mind him, he's just a product of our times.'
ποΈ 226
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οΈ Oct 14 2019
How do you keep an idiot waiting?
ποΈ 13
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οΈ Nov 19 2019
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
ποΈ 2
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οΈ Oct 03 2019
How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
ποΈ 34
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οΈ Mar 22 2019
My wife said βYou have a BA, a Masters and a PhD, but you still act like an idiotβ¦β
It was a third degree burn
ποΈ 402
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οΈ Dec 15 2018
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
ποΈ 55
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οΈ Nov 09 2018
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