What did the movie director say before shooting a dangerous stunt scene?
It’s a take I’m willing to risk.
Director!
My friend was promoted to a Director the other day. I congratulated him and asked if it felt more like Spielberg or Fury. I said Fury is the one I’d pick.
Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?
A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.
People are dying to take a ride in it.
(As told by my friend the funeral director?
Did you know the film “Speed” had no director?
If it had direction, it would be called “Velocity”.
What did the film director say when she was asked what was on her plate?
Which movie director like to work in 3D?
What do microwave dinners and disappointed movie directors have in common?
What's your favourite blue spiky master film director?
What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?
Why was the director unhappy with the close-ups in the Dark Knight trilogy?
All he was getting was Bale-ful looks.
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...
What's the difference between an actor and a director?
One gets in real trouble, the other in reel trouble.
What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?
What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?
If I was the director of admissions at Hogwarts...
I would walk into every room while giving tours with my arms outstretched, head tilted slightly upwards, eyes shining, just admiring the beauty of the space and then spin around slowly and proudly state, "And this? THIS is where the magic happens!"
What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?
Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!
What do you call a director who has covid
Who did the band director date?
The director told me to follow the pencil with my eyes.
Honestly, I couldn’t see the point.
What type of haircut does Steven Spielberg get?
Lethal Weapon 3(-some)
Film Producer: “This is supposed to be a “Buddy Cop” movie, why do they have this steamy sex scene together?”
Director: “Because everyone enjoys cop-porn at the movies!”
Story: Lasting after effect of COVID-19
True story. Happen about 2 hrs ago.
Back trying. My wife and I both work in the medical field. She runs hospital employee health dept, and I’m the dental director for a public health agency.
My wife had Covid-19 in January. We were talking about the long term, later effects of Covid on people’s health.
Wife: I wonder what the residual effects of Covid-19 are. My left ear hasn’t been right since I had Covid.
Me: Well of course not.
Wife: Why? What have you heard?
Me: Well your left ear can’t feel right. It’s your left ear.
Wife: God, why did I marry you 33 years ago?
A friend of mine has just got a job as a director at Macdonalds farm.
I want to write a screenplay about a Hollywood director who camps out in the wilderness until the pandemic passes.
His name is Tentin’ Quarantino.
At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",
Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".
What do you call a self isolating director
After my director friend finished shooting his scene, I handed him a sandwich.
I got a new job this week as the senior director of Old McDonald’s farm...
Which movie director is really taking off now during the coronavirus?
My dad said my friend shouldn't become a funeral director
Martin was depressed because he could never get girls. Then Martin became a director. Now Martin scores easy.
What do you call a director with coronavirus?
Schrödinger’s Widow
“Open casket or closed” asked the Funeral Director.
“Yes” replied Schrödinger’s Widow.
What do you call an ex director of the KGB served with gravy and cheese curds?
How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
As a Broadway director my life's greatest accomplishment was the production about a group of kleptomaniacs.
Unfortunately, one of them stole the show.
Every day at the end of rehearsal, my director friend takes out a sandwich to eat.
He then points at it, and says, ‘That’s a wrap, everybody.”
There was an accident in the Paleontology section of a Natural History Museum where multiple dinosaur skeletons collapsed and were broken beyond repair. The directors of the museum were concerned that visitors wouldn't visit that section anymore ...
but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.
What did the director say to the staff when he jokingly said cut?
After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president
The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"
An underperforming orchestra was playing in an open field when lightning struck its musical director. Luckily, he survived.
He was quite a bad conductor
What does the Pornhub director say to the pornstars after the shoot?
Thank you all for coming.
The NFL hired a chicken as their new director of IT.
They call him the technical fowl.
What did the film director say at the deli?
Just got a job as the senior director of the old McDonald farm
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