My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.

Because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a squished bee that doesn't die?

A zom-bee.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2021
🚨︎ report
So apparently when you die, the last part of your body that stops working is your pupils..

It’s because they di-late

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/red_beard2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2021
🚨︎ report
According to ancient Japanese lore, your aura takes a particular colour when you die.

Cyan Aura.

πŸ‘︎ 937
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did people die after they ate Cheerios?

It was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
When you die with a dye
πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lalakhalid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
When I die, I want to be buried with my wedding ring on.

That'll let God know, that I've been through hell already.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you die and come back as a cowboy?

Reintarnation

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Splopest
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2021
🚨︎ report
If God posts anything on reddit it will definitely die in new...

cause all his worshipers will be devoting that post!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmosArdnach_6152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do fat people die of?

Fatigue

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/christmasbush
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œRigor mortis” should be renamed β€œdie hard”
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tooting-Orca
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Those who believe in the calendar are going to die soon,

...their days are numbered.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neon_moonlite
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the grammar nazi die?

They got semicolon cancer.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arcajazz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did

Not screaming and yelling like everyone else in the car was when he drove over the cliff

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ironbattery
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Help i'm going to Die
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_Ninoky_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do brave tomatoes go when they die?

Valsalsa.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryanaston
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
When you die and donate you body to science...

it's a "dead giveaway"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yonatanruff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
my friend just told me, 'I hope you die in a deep hole filled with water'.

I know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What do they do with chemists when they die?

They barium.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
When graphic designers die...

...they go to Hellvetica.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the coolest way to die?

Hypothermia

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
If all dogs go to heaven, where do cats go after they die?

Purrrgatory

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerxes2004
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to funny vikings when they die?

They go to Val-haha

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JH1234567989
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
When I die, I want to be cremated.

I think I've urned it.

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Old programmers never die

They just don't C as well.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/c4cooke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a friend join at cult that believes when they die they become water vapor

I told him they will be mist

πŸ‘︎ 625
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamiestonee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it if you die from eating too many chickpeas?

Hummuscide

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicey_mouseturds
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
You Shau die!
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TitteymacShwag
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife just yelled that I should fall in a pit or hole sunk into the earth to reach a supply of water and die.

I know she means well.

πŸ‘︎ 190
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
How do cars die?

By car-diac arrest

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xx_dumb_xx
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to elements after they die?

They barium

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Corleone_Michael
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Before I die I am going to eat a whole bag of unpopped popcorn.

Just to make the cremation process a little bit more interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b_wanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What do action heroes do when they die?

They drop kick the bucket.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burpmeister
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Old shopping malls never die…

They just get de-mall-ished.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Old boat docks never die…

They just disa-pier.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I said to my wife "When I die," I'd like to die having sex"

She replied: β€œAt least it’ll be quick.”

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are pupils the last part of your body to die?

Because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....

Because they dilate...

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooRobots3440
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
🚨︎ report
If I die and come back as a cowboy...

It would be reintarnation

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SomeDumbRavenclaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the last part of you to die

The eyes they dilate

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When you die, your eyes have a few extra seconds just before they die.

It's because they dilate.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaachh_Ded
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
When I die, I want to go peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather.

Not like the people screaming in his car

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferventlycavalier
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
When you die and donate your body to science...

it's a "dead giveaway"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yonatanruff
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes when they die.

Cyan-aura.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did.

Not screaming in terror like the passengers in his car.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RodrigoOrtuno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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