Denied
π︎ 46
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
A blind man was handed a job offer but he denied it.
He said he isn't looking forward to work with them.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
I've been diagnosed with a type of amnesia that makes me deny the existence of certain 80's bands.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
Why did the sporting goods employee get denied a promotion?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
A gym buff was denied an entry to an elevator
The reason was he whey too much.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
My friend denied that he was a ghost, but I knew he was lying.
I could see right through him.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
I think my wife is covering my rifle collection with glue.
She's denying it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
I am trying to get tornado insurance for my campsite, but the companies keep denying my application.
They told me, βIf your tent gets blown away, you wonβt be covered.β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
What do you say to the cashier when your credit card is denied at a convenience store?
βSorry for the inconvenience.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
My neighbor denies throwing a cinder block through my front window,
But I have concrete evidence.
π︎ 34
π
︎ May 09 2020
You can-not deny the fact
π︎ 64
π
︎ Sep 22 2019
My friend was arrested by the cops for spray painting graffiti, and he tried to deny that he did it.
But the writing was on the wall.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
"Have you ever heard of Joe"? "Who`s Joe"?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Whenever I say anything to my horse, he denies it, refuses it, opposes it, or is skeptical or cynical about it.
π︎ 102
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
What do you call a dentist who doesnβt like tea?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
It's hard to explain puns to Kleptomaniacs
They always take things literally
π︎ 35
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
Who shall deny?
π︎ 137
π
︎ May 04 2019
... You other engineers can't deny [M]
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 17 2019
Say what you want about the iPhone X but
You can't deny it had a top notch screen.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 13 2021
I wanted to set up a bar inside of a cave but the police denied me access to
They said it was illegal to give alcohol to miners
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 13 2019
Somebody in my family keeps putting glue on my weapons. They all keep denying it.
But I'm sticking to my guns.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Aug 12 2019
Big bird was denied bail.
The prosecution said he was a flight risk.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Feb 08 2019
The bank denied my friend a loan for his marijuana and livestock farm
They said the steaks were too high
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
The government denied tax exemption for my church that believes Jesus spoke with a lisp
It was a real slap in the faith.
π︎ 36
π
︎ Oct 30 2018
My father was in the army...
And I remember he used to be stationed in exotic places all over the world. Once he came back home with a very exotic looking bird. I asked him what kind of a bird it was and he told me itβs a rare almost extinct species called a Foux (pronounced Foo). This foux was the apple of his eye and he would take care of the bird as if it was his own child.
Sometime during this period the Foux began developing a real bad case of constipation and my father was really worried about it. He tried all kinds of medicines to make the Foux pass itβs bowels, but nothing was working.
One day, during this period, I woke up to a huge argument taking place between my parents. My mom was accusing him of cheating on her during one of his tours, she had found some pictures of him and another woman and he was denying it vehemently. I realized then that my father had been quite the philanderer and this wasnβt the first time he had been caught. My mom was trying to get him to just admit to his indiscretion.
βWhy donβt you just admit it Harryβ, she said;
but he stuck to his denial,
βYou think I could ever do something like this Sarahβ, he said.
Right then amidst all this ruckus, the Foux began to take a dump, in the middle of the living room.
My mom looked at the bird, then looked back at my dad and with a sense of resignation she just said βWell if the Foux shits...β
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
Did you hear about the villain who was charged with trying to flood the city?
He denied everything, but the police found substantial levy dents.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I accused my wife of adding dirt to the garden. She denied it.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 27 2018
Three European contrabass players were denied access to USA at the airport customs
They wouldn't let contraband enter the country.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Mar 08 2019
I saw an ad in a shop window, βTelevision for sale, $1, volume stuck on fullβ, I thought
βI can't turn that down.β
π︎ 6k
π
︎ Jun 11 2019
can't deny this
Woman to her husband while at it: "Please say dirty things to me!" Β Man: "Bath, Kitchen, Living room..."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 03 2019
My honest timepiece denies I was listening to Bruno Mars' "Uptown Funk"
Don't believe me, just watch?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 17 2018
I was resetting my password but "beefstew" was denied
I guess it wasn't stroganoff.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 19 2019
My son denied using my razor
I could tell by just looking at him that it was a bald-faced lie.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 06 2019
I called the police because a man was screaming about large bodies of water and outdoor storage units, but when the police arrived they couldn't arrest him, as he denied everything.
It was a real "He Said Sea Shed" situation.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 24 2018
My son just lost a tight race in his primary election after I was physically withheld and denied the right to vote.
Sucks. He would have made a great second grade treasurer.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Jun 27 2018
Did you hear about the spies trying to infiltrate japan, Italy, and Germany in WWII?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
Why did the judge deny the drunk pilot's request for bail?
Because he posed a significant flight risk!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 18 2018
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: Itβs bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Apr 29 2019
There was a boy..
His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.
He said βI am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officiallyβ.
Dad said βNo way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.β
He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.
Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad βYou cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!β He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.
Then he came home, and his dad asked βwell, what is it?β
He said βDave Buttlickerβ.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jul 29 2020
Anyone need an ark?
π︎ 349
π
︎ May 23 2019
You should never invite big cats to a games night
They are dirty cheetahs, and if they deny they are, they are lion
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
At the store, my daughter found a shirt she liked on clearance. My wife asked her how much it cost.
I said "well, she just dropped it, so I'm gonna guess it's floor dollars."
My daughter actually gave me a fist bump for that one, which she now denies doing.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
I can't believe that penguins are always denied bail
They're not even flight risks...
π︎ 32
π
︎ Dec 23 2016
Cop: Sit on that chair,so we can interrogate you.
Lawyer : (whispering) Deny everything.
Me : This isn't a chair.
π︎ 138
π
︎ Mar 30 2020
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection. She denies it but I'm sticking to my guns!
π︎ 74
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
I tried to get some storm insurance for my campsite, but I was denied.
They said that if my tents get blown away, I wonβt be covered.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Feb 04 2019
I caught my son spray painting graffiti, and he tried to deny it.
But the writing was already on the wall.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Sep 07 2018
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique weapons collection.
Of course she denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
π︎ 47
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
