Simon Puns

Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'

Simon Says flashing orange left turn only light, green arrow left two lane lights and red light.

This happened last night. I laughed way too hard after it so figured I’d share. Driving with my three sons playing Simon says in the backseat.

Oldest son: “Simon says place your hand on someone else’s head” Me angrily interrupting: “NO we’re keeping our hands to ourselves” Oldest son: “awe cmon dad but we’re playing Simon says we’re not gonna fight” Me: “fine......Simon says keep your hands to yourself”

Because then at least the Trains would run on Parsley, Sage, Rosemary AND Thyme!

They were asking him about a guy named Julio.

You can call me Al

I came home from work and my 3 and 4 year old kids told me they learned how to play Simon Says. I thought a test was in order.

Me: "Simon Says, clap your hands!"

Kids: [clap clap clap]

Me: "Simon Says, touch your nose!"

Kids: [touch their nose]

Me: "Simon Says, lick your finger!"

Kids: [lick their index finger]

Me: "Put your finger in your ear!"

Kids: [put their index fingers in their ears]

I sent mine away 2 weeks ago and I haven't heard anything since.

Simone

My wife replied, "Come on Simon, the signs were all there."

Me to friend: You work fourteen hour shifts, make everything from scratch, and tend your own vegetable and herb garden. Where do you find the time?

Friend: Right next to the rosemary.

I'm building a bridge for a competition team and we need a creative name. So far, all I have is Simon & Garfunkel's Path and Red Hot Road. I'm lame.... Help

And Paul Simon is short for a man.

We were sitting chilling on the sofa, watching crap telly, she turned to me and said, "I'm tired".

"Nice to meet you tired, I'm Simon"

She's well used to my shit, so she fixed me with a steely gaze, totally unimpressed, and barked, "You're so funny".

"No, I'm Simon. I just told you that".

I snickered silently to myself as I ducked under the remote control that was thrown -hard- at my head.

Me- "Ugh he never told us what coplanar lines even are!" Dad- "Simon! Stop coplanaring!"

A boy tells his dad, "We have a new teacher this week. Her name is Ms. Simon." Dad quickly replies, "Does everyone do what Ms. Simon Says?"