How does a demon stay fit?

He exorcises

๐Ÿ‘︎ 415
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PopeLatte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 02 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How does a demon stay in shape?

It exercises

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ginger-Beefcake
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 05 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do demons get to the brothel?

Via the succu-bus.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/kofnyof
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 29 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A musical demon delivered my pizza.

He was a Personal Pan.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DoomRulz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you need to get rid of a demon with a skin condition?

An Exorcyst.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Apollonius_Cone
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A bread demon would bring a lot of pain.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheManNamedT
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
How do demons find out about their future?

They read a horror-scope.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Bbew_Mot
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
In which era did the half demon bloods exist?

Medieval era

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Artisticspawm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do Demons store human souls in?

Sufferware

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/QuizzicalQuandary
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are demons fat

Because they hate exorcising

๐Ÿ‘︎ 58
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/winged-sunrise
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I had a date with a demon last night...

But Iโ€™m not really into the possessive type.

(My brotherโ€˜s joke not mine)

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/JohnnyXorron
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I always thought it was weird that no one talks about demons in Africa.

Then I remembered-they bless the rains down in Africa.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/the_kermit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
The U. S. Government legally believes in demons.

After all, possession is 9/10ths of the law.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/madkins007
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
If a demon ever goes bald

Theyโ€™ll be hell toupee.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/notgordonbombay
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What happened to the crack-dealing demon?

Arrested for possession.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CheesusHChrust
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Demon [possessing my child]: ๐”ฑ๐”ฅ๐”ข ๐” ๐”ฅ๐”ฆ๐”ฉ๐”ก ๐”ฆ๐”ฐ ๐”ช๐”ฆ๐”ซ๐”ข

Me: possession IS 9/10 of the law

Child: Iโ€™m hungry and I want a toy and Iโ€™m not going to nap today and-

Demon: ๐”ฆ๐”ฐ ๐”ฆ๐”ฑ ๐”ž๐”ฉ๐”ด๐”ž๐”ถ๐”ฐ ๐”ฉ๐”ฆ๐”จ๐”ข ๐”ฑ๐”ฅ๐”ฆ๐”ฐ?

Me: itโ€™s legally your problem now

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Today is demon day

6/6 Saturday

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Wu-Chinese
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Part of my alphabetised tea set recently got possessed by a demon.

Iโ€™m sure itโ€™s saucer โ€˜Eโ€™.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Yetanotherrob
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I saw a very spicy Japanese pizza demon.

It was a Pepper Oni.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/desireewhitehall
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
My local priest said he couldn't make it to dinner. He was busy exorcising our neighbours demons.

That's really nice of him. It's important that her demons stay healthy.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KingSulley
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Did you hear about the demon who threw some shoes in the hellfire?

He wanted to watch their soles burn

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/rahcled
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Demon names always have apostrophes in them

They show possession.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xwhy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A demon said he wasn't gay.

I asked him demonstrate

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Skididlydoo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Matt Demon everybody!
๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MrWosabi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
A demon was arrested today

It was charged with possession.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 106
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/amishandroid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 19 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
We all know what the dodge demon is right?

I guess you could say its.... fast as hell

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Ve1ocityReign
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
I tried exercising my inner demons

But now they're just super fit and hotter than ever

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SirSpicyBunghole
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What's the slogan for the New York Demon Chomping Advocacy Group?

Gobble the ghoul.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BeefbrothTV
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
What do you call a demon with a broken leg

A Limp

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mekkanik
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Recently found out Hell was made of demon beaver homes?

So that's what they meant by eternal dam nation.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/scarfhero
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
When Johnny Demon sneezed, fire came out his nostrils and the Earth rumbled.

All the other demons said, "curse you!"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Organic foods will turn me into a demon

Because they're super-natural

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Dante0906
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 06 2016
๐Ÿšจ︎ report
Why are demons fat...

Because they hate exorcising!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 47
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bcm929
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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