What sound does it make when an ogre eats a witch for breakfast?

Snap cackle n' pop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ashjmc89
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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What do you call an ogre in an accident?

A Car Shrek

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RavenX185
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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What do you call an average ogre?

Mediogre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudecancode
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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A green ogre came up to me and began saying how stressed he was

I said, "You're a nervous Shrek"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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It's ogre now
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustinVincib1e
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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What happened when the monster's football game was all tied up?

They went into ogre time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/motobuddha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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In what month was Shrek born?

Oct-ogre

(Credit to my 4-y old!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowblowjoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Kid: Dad, where are the DVDs? Where's Shrek, I want to watch it.

Dad: Somewhere. Ogre there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MR_System_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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Shrek isn't bad, but he's not that great either. I guess you could say he's...

Meaty ogre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Grumpkin_eater
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My wife threatened to leave me if I didn't stop making Shrek puns

So I guess our relationship might as well be ogre.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSpicyBunghole
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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What are you most likely to die of while watching all the Shrek movies?

An Ogre dose.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquishedGremlin
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
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Did you know that Shrek is a furry?

Yea, he’s got fur all ogre him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeNoolands
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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What is Shrek's favourite food?

Y-ogre-t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vladturapov
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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I'm layered, like an onion -

Once you start peeling off layers you realize they're all the same and it makes you cry.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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I ate Shrek for dinner last night. It wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible either...

I guess you could say it was meaty ogre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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A monster terrorized a village

He kept doing it ogre and ogre again

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsyaboilmaoooo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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Shrek movies are a lot to take in

They are very ogre whelming .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedHood000
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
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I was wondering if Shrek would taste any good

Then I realized he’d probably be meaty ogre

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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A classic groaner

Once in a land far, far away there lived a group of people called Trids. The Trids were happy except for the huge ogre that lived on the mountain. The ogre would periodically terrorize the Trids.

The Trids tired of the ogre and sought to reason with him. They thought one of their religious leaders would be a good intermediary. So a group of Trids and their minister went up the mountain and before they could even say one word the ogre kicked them down the mountain. Not being dismayed the Trids thought that maybe the ogre was Catholic, so they sent another delegation, this time led by the local priest. But alas, as they approached the ogre he once again kicked them all down the mountain.

The Trids were upset until they thought that perhaps the ogre was Jewish. Unfortunately, no Trids were Jewish, so they wrote to the people of another land and asked them to send a Rabbi to help them with the ogre. The Rabbi arrived and led a delegation of Trids up the mountain. The ogre saw them coming and kicked all of them, except for the Rabbi, down the mountain. The Rabbi, having been told of the previous expeditions, wondered why he alone had not been kicked down the mountain, so he asked the ogre. The ogre laughed and replied:

"Silly Rabbi, kicks are for Trids!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hometown45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2013
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Everyone loves my Shrek costume, but I still see room for improvement.

I guess I'm an ogre achiever.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Has anyone seen Shrek?

It's Ogre-rated.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cruzmissilefilms
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
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What shrek keep telling himself to make it through his day at work

It'll all be ogre soon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmyjaymes
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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My best puns!
  1. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

  2. You have to rush Limbaugh!

3.My noodle soup doesn't taste that good. It really laksa certain quality.

4.I know its cheesy, but I feel grate!

  1. can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off.

6.How did I escape Iraq? Iran.

7.What was Forrest Gump's email password? "1forrest1"

8.I CAN because I'm a CANadian!

9.I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

10.Never trust atoms, they make up everything.

11.Vagina jokes aren't funny. Period.

12.There are plenty of fish in the sea but until I catch one I'm just stuck here holding my rod...

AND MY FAVOURITE! 13.I was at the scene of a crime, it took place at a cartoonists house, we couldnt find work though, it was sketchy.

IM STILL WORKING ON #12 Post your favourite/own pun in the comments, this will now be... Puntastic! Also OGRES ARE LIKE ONIONS! THEY HAVE LAYERS! Chow!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CORALGRIMES357
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2015
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My son's been begging me to finally watch Shrek with him, so last weekend, I finally caved in...

After it was over, he asked me what I thought.

I looked at him and sighed, "I don't know. Everyone raved about it but to be honest, it really though that it was ogre rated."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2017
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carpentry tools joke

a few years ago i was doing a short carpentry course. the instructor was showing off several tools we'd be using and showed us an auger (or-ger).

'oh like shrek' i said

'no... thats an ogre' he replied (oh-ger)

'well yeah but he had a scottish accent didnt he!'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theoldcrow5179
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2013
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